“Can I go and stand in the middle of the road mom?” asked the ecstatic 9 year old me.
The moon had just said goodbye to this part of the earth while the sun seemed to be in no hurry to rise…
It was a misty morning and these were my few moments of joy before I immersed myself in books for last minute exam revision…
My mom, covered in cashmere shawl, said “Yes…go on baby…I am standing right here…”
We lived in the busiest part of the city, I had never seen the road empty!!
I could not even cross the road alone, it was always buzzing with heavy vehicles running up and down the lane with bizarre speeds.
I was thrilled with this sudden opportunity, my joy knew no bounds!!
I flashed her a big smile, let go of her hand and ran towards the huge tarred road allowing the cold wind to play with my hair!!
As the lonely road approached closer and closer my steps grew smaller and smaller.
My heart which was filled with pure joy a few moments ago, was slowly starting to get practical!!
I came to an abrupt halt, turned around and asked mom, “What if a truck comes??”
My mom smiled and said “I will keep a watch, don’t worry, go on now!”
I took a more confident step thinking how silly it was of me, of course I need not be scared, mom was right there.
Twenty seven years later, I am still not scared, I know she is always there :)
As soon as I reached the middle of the road, I started to jump up and down, my joy knew no bounds!!
I twirled like a ballerina in my pink cow pajamas!
I let my hair down, spread my arms wide to hug the wind!
“Can I lie down on the road mom?” I asked unable to control my happiness!!
“Will that make you happy?” She asked
“I don’t know” said the confused me
“Try it then” she said.
And that is exactly what I did…
I knew then at the age of 9 how happiness really felt.
It is an innocent joy really, nothing fancy!!
I am a working independent woman today and have learnt that life is not really rosy…
There are times when I go into bouts of sadness…
There are times when I just don’t understand why people are happy…
There are times when I don’t want to leave the house…
There are times when I just want to cry…
There are times when loneliness is my only company…
But being an adult means that you understand that no matter how you feel you have to turn up for work, you have to water the plants, you have to take care of dirty laundry, you have to cook and most importantly you have to take care of yourself.
You have to smile for your family because sometimes they drive their happiness from you…
In such times when my heart gets baffled by the chaos around, wounded by the noise, it still goes back in the middle of that road and lie down to heal...fearless , it knows it is safe, mom would always be watching....