The sun rising outside my window was blinding me with its light, trying hard to tell me that a new day is here!!
I pulled the blanket over my head and cried as silently as I could. It was a rough night. I deserve a few moments of sleep.
“Please God, just a few minutes of sleep” I sobbed, burying my head deep into the pillow.
“Sara” I heard my mother calling me!!
I woke up with a start, wiped my eyes with the back of my hand while rushing to her room.
“Mom, what happened, are you alright??” I asked, skipping a heartbeat.
“Yes Sara, I just called you to say I am sorry”
I sat down by her bed, her eyes looked wet, she has definitely been crying.
“No mom, please don’t, this too shall pass!!” I said, not believing it myself.
She cupped my face in her fragile hands, pulled me closer and planted a deep kiss on my forehead.
“This is all I can give you my child” She said
“It is enough to get me through the day mom” I smiled
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I checked my watch, I still had 10 minutes, I took off my high heels and ran wild across the busy road.
Such crazy moments were rare in my life. It was only in moments like these where I found the lost teenager in me.
I pushed the door as silently as I could and tip toed where the manager usually gave her boring speech. For some reason she thought she was motivating us!!!
“This is the best time of the year ladies, look outside the window and the street is full of tourists. But if we want a good Christmas, we need to work hard now.Get out there and fetch customers. I am expecting 10 customer per masseuse. Common let’s get going” the manager concluded as usual.
“Easier said than done. Huh!!” Myra, my best friend, whispered in my ears.
I took a bunch of spa catalogue and rushed outside in the busy street. If I want an easy night I have to make at least 15 customers today.
I spotted my first customer in the coffee bar just across the street. The couple looked exhausted, perfect for my business!!
“Hi! My name is Sara. I work as a masseuse. Will you like to check out our services?” I said handing them the catalogue.
“Ahh…My body is already begging for a nice massage” she said with puppy eyes to the guy.
Her hands and feet had henna designs. She was wearing red bangles. I wondered what country she came from.
“Okay. We have some time before the evening party. We can go for it” the guy said to the girl.
“Umm a nice head and back massage would be wonderful”. She said addressing no one in particular.
As I lead them towards the spa the guy asked “Do you serve beer”
“We serve green tea sir” I said with a smile.
While I was digging my hands deep into the girl’s scalp, she kept asking a lot about my island, Bali.
I learnt that she was from India and they were just married. She explained how important the henna and bangles were for a newlywed girl in India.
“Your island is heaven. I wish I was you, waking up every day to this beautiful place. I wake up just to realize that my desk job is waiting for me. That sucks big time!!”
“Be careful of what you wish miss” I said with a forced smile.
The clock was ticking fast, it was already 8 p.m and I just had 7 customers.
But one was a full body massage, so that will earn me a good bonus.
I stood there in the windy roads, full of tourists.
Begging them to please take a massage!!!
Forcing the catalogue in their hands, requesting them to just have a look.
“Bye Sara, I am off work now. Please go home early today, go easy on yourself” Myra said kissing me goodbye.
I waited there pleading people to give me a chance!!
Dreading the night ahead, I stood there hopeful!!
“Hey miss, you look tired. Let me give you a massage. You will feel wonderful!!” I said with my practiced ear to ear smile, to almost every stranger passing by.
But deep inside I knew that today’s business was over. People were heading for parties, who will walk in for a massage now.
I still waited…waited…and waited till my manager called.
“You did good job today Sara, this is your share. God bless you my child” She said handing me cash.
“Thank You miss” I said disappointed with the money in my hand.
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I locked myself in the washroom, washed my face again and again.
“Please let me cry for a moment” I said to the empty space
“No, be brave. Get up. You don’t have time for this. Let’s get done with this quickly and you can go home early to mom” the fake strong person in me replied back.
I got up and removed my uniform. I took out my black spaghetti that I was using as a skirt which exposed every bit of respect I had. But you don’t get paid for respect, you get paid for every inch of bare skin.
I put on my lacy bra and dabbed a lot of makeup. I darkened my red lipstick and tied my hair up in a bun. They say expose every bit of your skin, you never know what will attract a man!!
I walked down the same street again, just that now there were drunk people all over.
Someone grabbed my hand and pulled me closer.
“Leave me ass” I shouted trying to free myself
“Come with me baby, I was waiting for you” he said holding me tighter.
“No…leave me” I punched him
“Triple the money…Come with me”. It took a moment for me to register the amount he was offering.
I stared into his deep eyes, unable to decide.
“Five times the money…come now” he said impatiently
Twenty minutes later I found myself in his room, trembling from head till toe. He pushed me hard on the stony floor and did what he was paying me for.
“Please don’t harm me” I cried.
“Harm? I am gonna love you” he said, malice all over his face
I was frozen with fear…indeed inhumanity does exist!!!
I yelped in pain, but he didn’t care. I was not human to him, I was just an object.
An object for his barbaric actions…
An object he could destroy…
An object that can’t be shown any mercy…
An object that he owned…
An object that was sold…
Sold of every inch of flesh & soul…
Well, it’s paid for after all. So pain, what the hell!
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“Mom, are you awake” I asked slowly opening her bedroom door.
She was in deep sleep. I quietly went near her bed and checked her breath. Certainly alive!
Walking was so painful. I will get used to it but, like we get used to every pain in life. So used to it that after sometime it becomes a part of us.
I kicked my heels and retired to my bed. I could hear the waves crashing the beach.
So the tourists are correct after all, this sound of waves hitting the shore is indeed peaceful!!!
The girl with henna hands called it “The sound of calm”
I allowed myself the luxury of swimming in my own little fantasy world… thinking of her henna hands and bangles, I pictured myself as a bride. A happy smiling bride!!
One day I will get married too. One day, when this pain shall feel like a pinch, when tears would not roll down an inch…when I find the one who would walk down the aisle with this parched angel!
I was almost smiling!!
There is hope after all…
With this thought I kissed myself Good Night!