I started walking towards nowhere with a backpack, coffee in my hand and a teary face. I couldn't see the way but I kept walking, not knowing where it would lead me. The burning thoughts, raging emotions, unspoken truths, sketchy desires, ignored uncertainties, pressurized ventures gave fuel to my never-ending exaggerated prospects. The burden of responsibilities was weighing me down, but my determination was pushing me forward. I am a person who believes in destiny, love and hard-work. If you are destined to be someone then with love and hard-work you can be that person, is my motto. But, I think it is time to rethink my motto, to turn a new page in my life.
I, now, stood at the edge of a cliff. I sat on the boulder and had a sip of my coffee. Everything was going black, the sky, the valley, the river, everything. I felt like I was travelling, except I wasn't. I was gliding in the darkness with no idea of my destination. The void, it pulled me down, thrown me sideways, kept me afloat but the reason was unknown. Finally, I saw a silhouette of a man on what-looked-like horizon. I was slowing down and headed towards the shadow, a bright light appeared behind him. I stopped in front of him, I was able to see clearly now. The man in the shadow, he was dark and standing with his back to me, muttering some weird words. I called him and he turned to me.
"Finally, you are here", he said.
"But... but... who are you?", I was appalled, because he looked like me but he was dark with a crooked smile on his face.
"I am you", he said with a repugnant look on his face, "but more than you", his lips curled into a crooked smile. "You are a disgrace of ourselves and I hate you. But this time you have overdone yourself. So, I am taking over." He came onto me with his hand raised, as though he was trying to find an invisible door in his way.
"Wait, what are you doing? I don't understand any of this. You are me? That means I must be in a dream. What do you mean by taking over?", I was very worried. He put down his hand and started to talk again, but this time it made sense.
"I am your inner voice. I am your instinct. I am your decision. I am your prediction. I am your past, present and future. I am You and you have been ignoring me", he face turned a little red under his dark face, "Every time you refuse my help, turn down my advise and pretend not to listen to me I shed my light and turn dark." He started pacing around me with his fists clenched and never took his gaze off me. "This place is my world, it used to be beautiful. But you ruined it with your befouled decisions in your life. You made yourself miserable and threw me into this abhorrent world."
I was befuddled and partially frightened, but I was worried more. I have been miserable for a long time, but that fact being pointed out by someone else was a let-down and the someone else also being me was distressing. "Not everyday goes by with a smile, sometimes it is nice to be miserable. Yes, I have made some bad decisions but I learned from my mistakes. I..."
"They were obvious mistakes. Anyone would choose the other way around but you didn't, you fell straight into the trap", he twitched and turned at the spot, a little colour faded from his face. "I used to be optimistic then once I started to turn dark, the pessimist in me awoke. He killed what was left of me and taken over. I felt good at the start, I gave you some bad advise myself then I started to feel confined, controlled by the dark matter inside me. I was being enslaved by it. I fought the urge of falling into the beguilement of the unfortunate, but I failed, many times. But I never gave up", his face was contorting again. "I have been waiting for you though I didn't call you here."
"What do you want from me?" I asked.
He stroked his chin slowly. "Lemme think... I don't want anything from you, I want You", he said pointing a finger at me. "My friend who spoke to you before had made some valid points about you, you are full of shit. You don't know what to do, what to say and whom to look out for. Lucky for you, I am your man. I will spin back your life to former glory... Nay, I am going to fix your life. I am going to decimate the uncertainty in your heart and mind and fill the void with savagery. Give up the nonchalant bastard inside you, from now on you will be walking with me inside your head."
The offer was intriguing but also creepy. The Dark has taken over the Light who had been talking to me, what had the Dark done to the Light? As much as I like to change my life, I don't want to be bad. The Dark me was eyeing me without blinking, he must be anxious to get into me. But, I wasn't the one to give up so easily. I wanted to bring back the former me, though I was unhappy, I was good, loved and respected. Maybe, I can bring back the Light before the Dark engulfs me too. I said, "Being a bad-ass makes us happy at that moment but it never lasts long, one has to be good, kind and helping to be happy in his life." He studied me for a moment and managed to bring a wicked smile on his face and said, "Tell me, were you a bad-ass or good in your entire life?" My mind was racing with thoughts, I knew exactly where he was going with this. I wanted to tell a different answer but there wasn't any, "I was good." He chuckled, "So, you will be a victim even though you are good."
My head turned and my entire life flashed before my eyes. All the time when I was helpful to my neighbours, they never helped me when I needed the most. Being loyal and honest to my girlfriend didn't help me either. My colleagues saw a threat when I have done wrong forgetting everything I have done good for them in the past. I was always the person to be left behind by my friends even though I was always there for them. I was an outcast in my own family. Every time when someone knocked me down I would always get back up, raise my head high and anticipate the next blow. But, life never got tired of pushing me down. Maybe, it is time to change my drill. Maybe, I should welcome a new persona. Maybe, I should accept life how it is. I should let the Dark engulf me and find my contentment. I didn't believe myself think, instead of out-talking the Dark I was turning into one. I fell for its sorcery and I feared only one thing now. "I am ready", I said and my fear came true.
He was smiling cunningly, I also saw sorrow behind that smile, maybe it was the Light. The Dark came closer to me, he raised a hand and placed it on my forehead. "Don't worry, from now on you will be happy and mine." Again I was soaring through the darkness but this time I had no fear and I knew what was happening.
I was sitting on the boulder again, but my face wasn't teary anymore. My face twitched into a smirk and I drank my coffee. There I was, standing on the edge of the cliff with hands on my waist, feeling great. I had nothing to worry about because now I have the confidence of facing anything. I didn't have the fear of being an outcast anymore because from now on I write my story. I will be my story and the cast will be only me.