INSIDE OF ME

I was a normal girl until I realised how much of havoc have I created inside of my brain. I feel happy with my family and friends but the moment I get alone I start questioning my existence. I don't know what am I doing! I don't know where is my career going! I don't know where is my love life heading do! I don't know if I have any importance in my family or not!
       
             Sometimes, I just need a cigarette, so that I can spend a few minutes looking at the smoke that I exhale. That smoke which dissolves in the air in no second and some of it inside my lungs giving my life a new and may be worse direction. But I feel happy. It lightens my head to the exact extent that I want it to. Watching the tobacco wrapped in a paper burn is quite interesting. Watching it turning into ash, in different shapes, it is beautiful. I have so much of stress inside my head and I need a cigarette, but I am at my home and I can't do it here.
        I want to go out. I need some smoke. I love that tranquility. I love what it does to me when I try it after days. I love that tingling thing that it does to my palms.
I don't know how is life going it to be. I am completely clueless. I am just waiting things to pass by. Let's wait and see for some time. Let's just give our minds some break and let it go the way it wants to.