Dear God,
This is my open letter or more like a journal to you.I just proposed a guy 2 weeks back and he accepted two hours back. Ours was a very funny story and yet I am not exactly happy about it. Is it even right to feel like this? I am supposed to be happy about it. After all I am the one who started it. And yet I am not happy. In fact I am scared. He is funny,kind,shy but respectful and yet he is a non-vegetarian,not-so-ambitious and easy going. He is everything any woman would want and yet the last three points make him everything I don’t want in my guy. But now the water has gone below the bridge. Two hours back I was single. Right now I am committed. I have wanted and waited for this moment since I was twelve and yet now I am sad,hesistant……pessimistic. According to me this relationship won’t last. When I confessed my feelings I never thought he would accept. Yes,I am ok-ish looks wise but I am fat and loud and vocal about my views. He is ok with that. It doesn’t matter to him. My biggest problem is that he is a non-vegetarian. You are laughing at this aren’t you? It’s not funny,not at all. Mom and dad fight all the time because their food habits don’t match. Mom always says that dad should have told her before marriage that he was a non-vegetarian. She says he lied. Dad says he never did. He says she knew but acted otherwise. And always I stand confused between the both of them,pondering about their unlikeliness. They were two different souls and I don’t mean to be poetic when I say that. They were different and they married. But they were earning when they married. I am still studying and I want to grow as a human being and as a professional. I want to lead and command an office,make a difference however small,in the life of a common man and finally settle down later when I have achieved everything I aim or aspire in my life. But now that he is there I don’t know. I am not gonna lower my aims and goals for him but I want him to come up to my level too. I want stand like equals with him not one step forward or backward. South Indian traditions don’t allow the committed people to just give up on their relationships and this is constricting though it might look stable. I don’t want to be one of those girls who ruins her life for the sake of a guy. I want to grow and learn and travel and make mistakes and learn and unlearn. This journey of life is beautiful and even though he is a great guy I still don’t know if he right for me. Is he God ? Is he?
With loads of love and a lot of confusion,
Kaira