It happened,the perfect way!

I was very restless thinking about what happened few hours back. I was happy, I felt amazing. I was at the top of the world. But why?

I had been fighting with Arpan every now and then since a month. I have loved him a lot, gave my 100% to this relationship, kept him more than happy in exchange of my happiness but last week I said him finally I couldn’t handle it anymore. My heart ached when I told him but I was just not ready to sacrifice my dreams, my happiness, my self respect for a guy who did not even care whether I existed for him or not. Since the past four and a half years I have been doing that daily. I do not know what gave me the strength to speak up but I made it clear to him that I did not want him anymore in my life. I have seen what love is and I am done with it. The time I said it I myself wasn’t sure whether I will be able to cope up with what I did or not but for that moment I knew, yes I wanted Arpan to leave. I wanted to be myself again. I wanted to feel alive. I wanted to appreciate everything in my life; I wanted to celebrate me; I wanted to meet me; to fall in love with me. For all these desires to come true I had to let go Arpan from my life.

This one week was critical for me. Sometimes I really broke missing him. In spite of being extrovert in nature I did not utter a word to anyone. With my face buried in the pillow I wept every night missing him, but I knew I will have to learn to be happy for myself. With the thoughts of loving myself more, I decided to go for a walk this evening. I plugged in my earphones and left. It was almost the time of sunset and the sky looked mesmerizing. With the tunes of ‘Half a Heart’ I was busy in my own world noticing every small movement around me.I was somehow holding back my tears listening to the song. I wanted to accept the situation and move on, at least for sometime. My cell phone vibrated ,it flashed Shrey.I decided to ignore as I wasn’t in a state to talk to anyone. I kept walking. After few minutes my phone beeped. Shrey’s text,” Puja, I am really very sorry but I don’t think we could talk anymore. I am walking away from your life. I cannot explain but I am doing it for the best.”

I was shocked to read the message. I did not understand what just happened. My thoughts were conflicting with each other. Saying this can’t be true. I called him 5-6 times but no answer. I was worried and confused. I texted him I want to know the reason behind this. I stood on the street shocked and blank and I saw him coming towards me. I waited for him to reach where I stood but to my surprise he ignored me and walked away. He did not even look at me once.

My state of mind was already in distress and watching him behaving this way I couldn’t hold back my tears. I stood on the street and cried. After a loud thunderstorm it started to rain. It rained to hide my tears. I came back to my room soaked in water, I dialed him again. He picked up this time and said,”Puja I am done with this, for God’s sake please stop calling me. I can’t do this to you and me. Please. Let me go.”

I was quiet and so was he. None of us had the courage to disconnect the call, it lasted for 10 more minutes, all in silence. My phone displayed, ‘call dropped’. Our fate disconnected it.

I still had tears. It was the first time in 2 years I cried because of him. He could never hurt me. I was the sunshine of his life, he used to say. Suddenly I stopped crying and told myself that if I cry he will be in darkness. He will hate it. I can’t make him sad. I decided to text him back. I wrote a message and then erased. This went on for around 10-12 minutes. I was confused about what should I say to him. I had no clue of what has happened but if he had decided to go away from me there has to be a big reason but he wasn’t ready to explain. After lots of thoughts I sent him just what I felt. I told him,’ No matter what, I won’t let you go.’

After an hour, he replied me, “Please sweetheart,chli jaa (go away)”.

Me: I can never leave you and you know that.

Him: Leave me.I am a bad person.

Me: It doesn’t matter to me whether you are good or bad, I can’t leave you in any case.

Him: You can leave me. Just try it, for me.

Me : you always said meri aankhon mein dikhta hai(my eyes speak) I can never leave you. You were right. I won’t.

Him: Can we meet?

Me: 20 mins,our usual place.

I reached the place before him. I was feeling different. I was very scared to lose him. Few hours before I was crying for Arpan but presently all I knew was I wanted Shrey to stay with me. I never understood why was he special to me. Not only today, he always was. I kept saying to myself, everything will be fine.

He came. He stood in front of me. It was late at night and our place was illuminated only by stars and the moon which shined after the rain. He came towards me, held me through my waist and looked deep into my eyes. My heart was racing fast. I had goose bumps. I never felt this. It was not the first time I stood so close to him this way but tonight, it was different. I felt strange. I was nervous, scared and happy. He kept looking at me while I was lost in his eyes. He finally spoke,” Your eyes still say you won’t let me go”.

‘I won’t’ was all that I could answer. He pulled me closer, our lips were inches apart. I could feel him, I had the urge to kiss him. He whispered in my ear, Can I kiss you? I did not wait for even a moment to reply him. I kissed him. I kissed him madly and he kissed me passionately. I had the perfect kiss of my life. After we were done we stood looking at each other with no thoughts in mind. We had no idea what was going to happen next. He broke the silence saying this should have happened a long time back. I said," it happened the perfect way". He blushed and I smiled. It was late. He dropped me home. I felt butterflies in my stomach. I could not understand. I was confused with this feeling. I used to think I could never go close to anybody except Arpan but now I was not even feeling guilty. What happened with Shrey felt so right! I felt great.

My mind was occupied with that moment which happened 4 hours back. Our first kiss! I was restless, I was happy, I felt amazing. But why?

I had no answer about what I felt for Shrey but one thing I knew for sure. I could not let him go.