"Us", The most wrong love story!

I never thought I will ever face this situation.Last night was the toughest night of my life.Arpan.The name which was most valued in my life since 8 years.I have been in love with him since the day I started talking to him but after 8 long years of togetherness things did not work out and it was me quit this.Ruhi.Nobody on this earth could ever imagine I will be leaving Arpan.I was the one madly in love with him, I gave my 200% in in this relationship but I was never given any priority in his life.I was always his last choice for everything.When nobody was there for him he used to come to me and me being humiliated by him so many times still hugged him with all my heart and soul.I accepted him even during the times when he loved other girls in spite of being in a relationship with him.I even accepted him the time he and his mother blamed me for his failure in IIT JEE.I was qualified in the exam but I did not complete the second paper intentionally because all I could think while writing the exam is he is standing in front of my exam center and if I qualify this exam I will never be able to live with him.Our relationship will end.I always had that fear that I will loose him.I prayed continuously to get into the same college with him and as always God listened to my prayers.Arpan and I landed in the same college and that was the time when we started losing each other. He drifted apart from me and made me suffer the worst situations of my life.I was insulted everywhere and was called a slut.He said to everyone I am a girl who is in love with him but I do not match his status as he is really good looking and I stand nowhere in front of him as I was ugly and little fat.I was body shamed.He even questioned my character in front of our best friends because my childhood best friend was in the same college. He doubted I am sleeping with him and so he told each and every student we knew that I am a whore who just wants to sleep with guys.When I questioned this to him he denied and saidI should trust him and he can never do such a thing to me.My intuitions again said he was lying and I should leave him but I accepted him again.I was never his girlfriend in front of the college.He was ashamed of me.He never walked by my side.He never held my hand to lift me when I used to fall in spite of knowing I am clumsy.I always looked for him in situations where I was going through my worse and he never came.He always left me alone to fight and I learned to fight on my own, live on my own.I knew he would never come for me so I learned to handle everything in my life by myself.I am really thankful to him that he did not give me the priority and I learned the best lessons of my life.

I broke up a year back exactly today because I crossed my tolerance level.I did not shed a tear since the day I left him because I did not feel a thing.I was sad that I am separating a major part of my life but I felt nice that I removed the toxicity and now I will be able to fulfill my dream of being a journalist which I dropped just to be in the same engineering college.I was a lot better.I could not cut him from my life as we had the same group of friends but it never affected me.I felt like he does not exist.After 8 months I get a call from him that there is an excellent internship opportunity In Bangalore, the place he works.Not the same office but the same company.Exactly at the same time, I had my dream internship offer.The company I wanted to work since I was in 11th Std.I had to choose between Bangalore and my dream.I still don't know why but my heart said Bangalore and here I am typing this story in sitting in my Pg. We met a day back because we had to meet my brother who loved both of us equally.After he dropped me to my room he texted me that he wants to talk about something.

I had a hint that what it could be as since the day I arrived he has been hanging out with a girl and has been way too importance.He never gave that priority to anybody in his life the way he gave Alisha.Since our offices were on the same floor I and Arpan met few times and he always talked about Alisha.He made us meet once and that day I was sure she is not just his friend but his girlfriend.I asked him but he denied saying they are just perfect friends.Since that day I was not able to accept her around me.I was insecure with the fact that she is getting everything from him what I desired for 8 years.His time, priority, love, care everything.Last night he confessed to me that yes Alisha is his girlfriend and he has been lying. I don't know why this hurt me so badly.I did not have so many tears but someone was daggering my heart.I was not able to digest the statement that she is his girlfriend.I was the one who always knew and believed he has been lying to everybody but it is just that when he really came and said me that I felt broken.I never imagined he would move on so fast.10 days before he texted me he misses me in Bangalore and when I came here he gives it on my face that he is dating somebody.I used to believe that I am over him when I left him.I want to be over him.I don't want him in my life again as he is toxic for me but I am not able to come out of this.I cried. I cursed myself for choosing Bangalore.I have not slept the whole night.My eyes are still wet.Maybe I would not have chosen this place.I want to go back to time and change the day when he kissed me the first time so I could change our whole relationship fate. I wish I never met him.I wish God had someone for me who could make me believe that love is not a misery.It is beautiful as it always looked in my imagination.I fought with everyone to be with him. I gave my best and now after 8 years of efforts, I am still standing alone thinking where did I go wrong.What was my fault? I abused and cursed him a lot last night saying he is the shittiest person of my life.I said I hate him and never want to see his face.He will never be the hero of my stories again in any case.He is not the hero of this story but he will always be my hero.He was never able to understand this that I have loved him truly and immensely.I really want to stop it, to forget him to come out of his world but I am not able to.I don't want him and I am really sad to say I still love him.I am fighting with myself not to cry.I have my dream to fulfill.He too said me last night that I should concentrate on my dreams and he is sorry he has been hurting me so badly in all these years but he is really happy with Alisha.He promised me he would never hurt her and will take care of her in the best way possible.He has a great job today.He his having the best time of his life and I still have tears.I wish God has better plans for me because if it goes this way I will stop fighting.I will be quiet.I will loose myself.