It's 4 pm and I wish I was no more.

It's 4 pm and I put the pot on to boil.

It's 4 pm and I start making tea for my mother.

It's 4 pm and I wonder if I will ever not feel this numb.

It's 4 pm and my dog looks at me for help because she can't find her ball and for the first time I felt like somebody understood.

It's 4 pm and my breath shortens and my eyes glaze and for a moment, just for a moment, I think maybe the numbness was better than the struggle to not fall.

It's 4 pm and my hands tremble and I can't breathe, and the fall seems inevitable now.

It's 4 pm and I stand idly watching the water boil over and drench the stove all around.

It's 4 pm and I wish I was the stove instead and then this would all be over.

It's 4 pm and I try cleaning the mess but end up making it even messier.

It's 4 pm and I give my mother the tea and force on a smile.

It's 4 pm and I take my dog for a walk and hope that, maybe, maybe it will soon be 5 pm and I wouldn't want to be the stove anymore.