It's goodbye

So I managed to confess, and I can't deny this took a lot off of my chest.. I expected a reject although I deeply truly hoped for the opposite, but well, let's be honest, it was a long shot.
Now it's time to grieve..
I'd grieve the day dreams I'd put you in..
Usually I'd day dream and wish so deeply I am someone's wife or even friend..but for some reason this time was different..
I day dreamed you when I was too scared, put on the spot. I day dreamed long walks, deep talks..
I day dremed explaining who I am, why I am, my pride, my shame.
And that's the problem with day dreaming..your brain gets used to it the undoing it is really hard work..
I keep rereading your rejection message, it was so decent and polite, gave me no offence yet also no hope.. it was as perfect as I felt you are, and meeting every expectations of gentelman I have placed on you..
Letting go of the safe space at my mind represented by you is really hard..
You were a crush and a safe space in my mind and heart..you were worth it..but you were..past tense..were..
I deserve to be chosen..i chose you and u had your reasons for not choosing me back..
I understand but..but I am tired of one way choice dilemma.. I am just tired and it is too much..
I am not that confident but I know I deseyat least that much.. to be wanted appreciated and accepted..to be chosen as I choose..to be loved and cared for.. I deserve no less. I am not flowless so are anyone, I am not perfect and am not asking for perfect..yet I for sure deserve that much..
I also dreamed about us dating.. eating..exploring one anther..damn it's hard..
My guts were burning for you..screaming for you..this is a totally new feeling for me.. it was so true i have never everrr surrendered or felt confident towards anyone ever before.. so that's a first..but for sure it's not the last..
You have upped my standards but not locked them..
My mind is playing the maybe he'll change his mind gamw..but sorry dear beautiful self..we can't hope for that..even if there is hope..we can't wait for that..it probably will never happen and even if it would it might be after you've been so consumed..i won't let that happen to you..i am your protector..i have your back.. we'll get through this and we'll find a mutual choice acceptance..
I love you dear self..more than i liked you dear crush..sorry but it's goodbye ❤️