It's not a phase

No one wants to die at the very young age and that's the reason why people believe in Missing souls or people who died but can't accept the fact that they're not alive anymore or some people believe that these souls still have a mission on this world that's why they can't cross the other world. But what if? What if im ready to die? What if i want to end my life today though i still have a mission in this planet? Am i going to be one of those missing souls? The Answer is no. Im ready to end my life because the society did it first.

I can still remember the day i had a first thought about killing myself, i was grade 8 and im only 14 years old, i didn't know that im already depressed and have anxiety because i didn't know what that is; i thought im just so worried about the things that keeps me up all night. Fifteen, i was fifteen when i understand this things and the situation that im into makes it worse. I feel so betrayed by my friends but the truth is my feelings is the one who betrayed me. I lost a lot of friends because of this monster inside me without realizing that it's growing inside of me. I feel so alone and helpless i don't know if i can trust everyone around me; if i don't trust myself anymore. Sixteen, the monster inside me grows and grows and become worst and worst he become stronger than before and i find it hard to fight him because the last person that i trust, the last person that i can talk to about how i feel don't talk to me anymore because she found someone that can make her happy, She's in a relationship and she forget about me.It hurts me alot,How can you abandoned me like that, we've been friends for almost 4 years yet you chose to stay away from me. Im happy for you and your relationship but you should realize that i need a friend,i need a friend to give me some advice,i need a shoulders to cry but you choose to leave me and ignore me.And now, im all alone, no friend, no one can understand me, im fighting the battle and im close to losing it. Seventeen, Im caught in the middle. Should i stay or should i go? New environment, new people and new challenges and i can't take it anymore. This monster already won. It won because im already tired of fighting and trying. I tried to tell my parents about how i feel but they don't understand they think it's just a phase, "Mum, it's been 5 years!" so i keep hiding them the cuts that i do, the bloodstains in my comforter. I keep playing pretend that im okay amd nothing to worry about but Mom and Dad im not the daughter you knew. I've changed. I am. And i can't go back now. Im sorry for being disappointment. Im sorry if i wasn't the perfect you have. I tried but i failed.

One last chance. Im giving life one last chance before i give up. Im Half empty girl. Im close to death. Try to save me before it's already late. x