Leave me not be

its crazy how i get back to reading things i wrote before, and i just fall in love with my words, the thoughts.. I ask myself, was it me ? did i actually wright this ? was i on my right fucking mind.

i always looked for those hurt moments, i waited for them, or else just created them in order to be inspired and be able to write. but it really does not matter how hurt you are, or how fucked up your life is for you to be able to write or to express how you feel. I have been so hurt, so disapointed in the last year, so much i felt empty, i felt like i was nothing, like if i am not someone's something than i am nothing. I have been trying fit into people life so badly that i just lost my true self to every person i met along the way.

You were the only person that fed me, fed me with hopes and love and aspirations, and lies . as much as i gave you, you gave me back, but as much as you gave my dear you took back. 

You sold me love, you did. You said no one will love me the way you do, you made me feel like a piece of shit without you, unworthy of love, as if you were my value. you walked away in so many ways, you walked away in the worst ways, and you left me broken, shattered. you left me with a scar on my right thigh, with a pack a cigarets everyday for the last 6 months, you left me drowning in dreams of finding someone better, hoping there is someone better, hoping i deserve someone better, because i dont .

I want to call your name right now, say that this person, the one i wrote about loving for the last 5 years is the person that fucked my life up. is the person that could have walked away without taking half of me with him and distroying the other half. You left me not to be.

How can you start writing about yourself and end up writing about a cheating ex, how can you start writing trying to forget, and end up remembering everything?

You hurt me, you have destroyed me...