story fifty five

I love You for the last time, Consider this my farewell gift to you.

What we had during those years, what seemed to be love at its purest, what we had; was not love.

You cannot love and hurt, you cannot love and lie, you cannot love and stab, you cannot love and let go. What we had was not love... 

we really did hurt eachother did we? we held on to eachother like crazy people holding on to unexisting thoughts, we were young and stupid and we were never meant for eachother but yet we kept fighting, because we both are fighters. Crazy yes, but fighters. 

I want to be able to go for a minute without being reminded of you, either by my own thoughts, or a random object or picture.. you really did consume me, you didnt empty me as i presume, you filled me, all the gaps, all the emptiness i had, it was filled by you, your image, you smiles, your hugs, you hands holding mine, your body protecting mine, you filled the silence, you filled the past that scared the shit out me, you filled.. No , you became an idea of a future i never thought i wanted. I really wish i could just erase everything about you, i wish i could forget how happy you made me feel, i wish to be sad again, i wish i never tasted happiness, to not taste how hurtful it is not to have it now.

As much as you hurt me, I loved you, and i love you more.. The tendency of holding on to things that destroy me.