LETTER TO THE MAN, WHO RUINED ME MENTALLY

Dear- soulmate
Thank you!
For ruining me mentally.

A slight smile, soft voice, concerned eyes, warm touch, and BOOM!!
Yes! You blew my mind for the first time you touched me.
I never knew that cramping pain will end up in my heart. I was a strong woman, enduring every hurt, every pain until you made me realize that I was alone!  alone?
By alone it meant your absence, your absence is what set the domain for my loneliness, and yes I was alone.
Your inevitable gaze, searching for something constant, seeking for stability in your unstable world clashed with mine. And that unconscious exercise of staring shared half of your treasure behind those eyes. We sat there in front of each other in a crowded space, holding our glances deep into each other eyes, and trust me it felt like years. It felt like you been using telepathy to let me enter inside your dark hallways. And I melted at that point of time.
I was the master at hiding my feeling, that's what a Taurus is best at I guess. With every day and night passing by you grew up like a weed in my beautiful garden...eating everything around and leaving you, only you.
Every breakdown of mine ended up with your friendly gentle touch reminding me you will never be mine. I never hugged people, you know why?
Because I have an ability to feel pain, to see what they are hiding, I can identify a slight flicker of emotion, I don't feel bodies I feel their soul.
And I felt yours, warm and beautiful, unaware of what you store inside, one like mine, one who prefer keeping their chaos inside.
And yes, I got connected. Unfortunately.
You held me very gently and before I could keep my arms on. It ended, like a gentle midst. For the first time, i hugged you, I had goosebumps and I knew its gonna end up negatively.
Time changed, people changed. And it all left me fading into myself.
I loosed you, not once but million times. all I could do is stand and fake a smile, all I could do was to hold myself from bursting out because I knew you were not ready for it. you won't be able to hold on to it.
But it happened and you knew why. Remember?

We pass through hallways almost ignoring each other, just because you knew how I feel about you and you didn't want to bother me anymore. But what bothered me the most was this silence. The silence which I once loved between us, just sitting together and doing nothing, the silence was which took me into wild, but now it was killing. All I could see was this girl, a girl holding your hand, and trust me I was not upset. I was hurt to the core of it.
I ignored but it started killing me like shit, my head was a mess, nights were long, love-bites on her body turned into scars on my wrist and yes I realized.
I was madly in love with you since day one. this is not infatuation or attraction or else if it would be, how could have it lasted so long. It was pure, it was my soul and I would keep it pure for you forever. But this temporary trajectory hits me sometimes.  You were always a call away, but this journey was all about turning into strangers from strangers again.
Love, I don't know whether I hold the ability to even call you that but all I know is "I love you, always will".
I wanna see you happy, Happiness was a decision and you decided to be with her. So, be it.
I'll always be an asymptote, an asymptote next to your parallel axis.
With love
Your sole mate