Letting her go.

Sometimes undesirably you have to let other go. Let go out to make them understand that breaking is not he solution. It never was, it never will be. 

It was not easy for her too, but it felt like was need of the hour. Breaking up time and again, will not render any good, but will confer horrendous among-st. Situations were getting worse and deteriorating with the flow of time. 

She was interning in Chandigarh at the Human Rights Commission in the summer of that year, whilst i was at home, back in Ludhiana, killing time. Messy issues were ruling us and we were administered by rage, jealous and ego. Which apparently was not a good option to go with. For now, our common close friend disclosed his feelings towards her, which consequentially made me go crazy, and which is very predictable i suppose. And i am not usually very amiable with sharing her time with her friends, i am not much keen of that. But unfortunately she admired leading an independent life, so i could not interfere in that, although i tried my level best.  After a few weeks later, i get to know of some unaware facts which were kept hidden from me, as deleted chats, some over frank conversations ( with that close friend only), not sharing some of the secretive topics with me, gave birth to a blunder in me. Outrageously i thrash over her, yelling and hurt. 

She already had enough of giving me explanations and justifications ( which i think were totally absurd and irrelevant). Mere love is not enough, she blabbered, totally aware of where the talk is leading to, I stood helpless, and in grief, pondering how to make her understand breaking up is not what i ask for. Saying she could not see the man she is turning me into, makes her feel disappointed and hurt. She wanted everybody to be happy around her, which was certainly not so with me. 

I could not do else then assenting what she had said. i thought that the breaking up now will make her perceive that break up is not the solution. And i was relying on it very confidently. I thought that she will come back soon, realizing. But that was never about to happen. Our so called worthy love was nowhere to be seen. Time started to fade away and so did our love. That love, upon which i used to embrace my chest, started to distort me.

Those late night calls were long gone, flirty texts were being missed, happiness to see the name on phone screen was gone. Now all what it was the tears and loneliness, darkness and fear. I was not the only one suffering, there was another person who had to struggle those frightening nights. She was proved wrong, that being apart will work out and each of us will be happy in our life. 

While i was busy in weeping my tears during the relationship, i never knew what she had in her mind. And when i came to know, it was dreadful. As flipped coin can change the fate, so did the aspect of her's. 

Nothing had to do with her, i suppose, it was me fooling around. She was living an independent life, way she dreamed, hence happy. Which made me jealous, so jealous that compelled me to ruin and screw her happiness. Her being frank, going out with guys, to which i had to say was quite frequent. But that was just living her life to the fullest. And here i was getting covetous for her outgoing attitude. 

I was or i may say that i am a person who wants special attention and care, which she was duly giving me, but i demanded a SPECIAL attention, and by means of special, i meant extra-ordinary attention. Inferiority complex has always surrounded me, and now it was elevating at the maximum. She always tried her best to her potential, but i ignored to see the good and emphasized moulding her bona fide intention and exhibited it so that i can blame her. 

I was always aware of my intentions but stood like a dumb, and let my ego-maniacal attitude supersede my conscious.

Y'all might be curious to know how i got to know about her feelings. Actually that thing did worked out, we both got know that we cannot live without each other. 

So, i got to know that when your love is strong, none else matters. Very often we ask ourselves in sorrow, that what does our life expects from us. Instead, we must ask- 

"WHAT DO WE WANT FROM OUR LIFE"

It's not a happy ending my friend,  very much is still unexplored, a lot has still to seen, and, the battle is yet to be fought.