People had often told me I was very talented with words. I never saw this ‘talent’ but with the going of years, assumed I was good at helping feel certain emotions with the way I associate words together. Throughout the years, I learned to express part of feelings through writing.
I’d like to underline the fact I said ‘part of feelings’ because I do believe that some feelings are quite hard to express and have no accurate word to describe, which therefore, no matter what I say would be unfair to my feelings.
Another thing I’ve learned is to have a positive outlook on life, and that’s why most of my writings to have this positive perception infiltrated.
Nevertheless many have told me I cannot understand how they feel, I cannot understand how it really is because ‘my life is perfect and I haven’t really looked sadness in its eyes’.
Today I decided to share the worst aspects of my life so you can finally understand that my life isn’t rainbow coloured neither.
I was born as an only child and had no one to play with during my childhood. My mother was diagnosed with Cancer when I was 5 and my online remote memories were with my grandmother whom I loved with all my heart. She was the sun of my life.
At the age of 8, I was very sensitive and I guess that’s what fuelled my artistic mind, but that also meant that I felt very lonely as I would get bullied.
By the age of 10, I had suffered a sexual abuse who scarred me and affects me till now. I accused myself and said it was my fault and only mine, even though it never was. It cause me such a deep trauma and was too heart-wrenching to talk about, that I never brought up the subject to my parents who are still unaware.
At the age of 13, I was diagnosed with a severe condition in my knees which meant I had to stop many sports I played to take care of my ‘fragile’ body.
At the age of 14, I lost my precious gem, my bundle of joy, the only attachment I had to my childhood: my loving grandmother. It took me 2 years to come at ease with the thought she’s no longer here.
At the age of 15, I was also diagnosed with a heart condition which means I walk around with heart medications and need to take care of myself because I’m at risk of strokes.
To add to this, I also suffered from heart-breaks, anxiety and any normal issue any teenager would deal with.
I can talk for hours and hours of how I felt when I lost my grandmother or how it feels for a 15 year old child to go around with medications and not being able to enjoy life like any ‘rebel’ teenager would because my life is 50% more at risk. I can talk for hours on it feels to have someone hand up your skirt and not being able to do anything because you are not really conscious of what is going on being a cause of your early age. I can talk for hours on the many sleepless nights I spent thinking about those horrible days and those horrible things that occurred to me. I can talk for hours on how being bullied has scarred me and caused me to suffer from anxiety and stage fright.
I can talk about many things but I chose not to.
Out of 365 days of a year and my 18 years of life, many were the rainy days, but then again next to the happy days, the number is meaningless and insignificant. I chose to look forward to the days even though somethings are hard to forget. Even though somethings are reminders of those horrible days,
Life
Goes
On,
And it’s not a thunder and a storm that are going to stop me from achieving my goals and aiming higher. Why? Because if any single one of stopped at each obstacle, the world would stop and that would lead us to nowhere. But out of this anger, out of these emotions, I can create something beautiful but most importantly I can learn to forgive whoever has caused me sadness or even agony.
Life
Goes
On,
With or without us, and we can chose to make something good and something big out of experiences or cry out like a river.
I chose happiness and believe in it because there is no need to keep on crying over the past, there’s no need to contain this anger and let it evolve into hate, there’s no need to keep on living in the past. We live between the past and the future since the present flees away and never actually lasts.
Breath, forgive and love, and let life… go on.