Life of an Introvert

I don't know where to start because my whole life is a roller coaster. In my 18 years of existence, I didn't felt I was loved. I don't know whats wrong with me but I feel like people are trying to distance their-selves from me which is i'm curious about. Yes, I am an introvert, i don't know how to start or make a conversation with other people well except for those people who I am comfortable with. Its kinda stressful knowing that people are kinda bored talking to you cause you don't know what to say, i am afraid i may end up hurting someone's feelings just because of the words that i will say. Being introvert is kinda fun but at the same time kinda sad. It is fun cause you just want to stay in your house and lay on your bed all day, you feel safe when you're home or alone and you can think properly when you're alone. Its kinda sad because you need to make excuses not just to go to a certain party cause you are scared with interacting and socializing to people. You always feel tired when you go out to your house, so you will need to find a way where you will energize yourself and interact again with people. Its tiring being an introvert.