LIMERENCE

The Director was calling out names of her batch mates. She stood there with barely concealed nervousness liberally mixed with a high dose of excitement. This has been the day she had been anticipating for so long. It seemed like her whole life she had been waiting for this one day. Her hands felt clammy. Muthu prodded, making her look back and grin. Who would have thought! After their stint as Teresians together and then bosom buddies, they never expected they would add two more glorious years together to their friendship. There they stood now, holding hands, distinctly sweaty, and grinning like fools at each other

She looked towards the audience. She could see her parents standing, head held high and telling anyone who would listen that there was their daughter, came all this way on her own. It brought a slightly wistful smile on her face. Remembering all the long rows they had about her going away, about the despondent feeling that seemed to engulf her whenever she felt she would never crack the entrance, the long conversations with Miko about the unfairness of it all..... She shook her head. Happy thoughts. Happy thoughts. She chanted in her mind. She again looked towards her family. She could see her elder sister with her one year old standing near, fussing with that newly mothered tenderness. She could see the wild gesticulations of her three goofy best friends who had deemed they would grace the occasion too. Muthu's family was also near....smiling and content.

Then THE moment came. They tightly clutched their Certificates of Merit, one hand already raised to their caps.

And here I present to you BATCH OF 2015-17

Loud hooting and howling followed after they released their caps, the echoes resounding of all the joy that came with giving flight to their dreams. Hugging each other and everyone within arm length, she finally came face to face with Muthu.

"We did it, didn't we?"

"Oh yes we did. I never doubted, remember?"

"Yup...you were too damn brilliant for your own good."

"Took you long enough to accept." She replied smugly.

Their clear laugh was swallowed up in the excitement that surrounded them. Again grinning stupidly at each other they ran towards their families, including the extended ones.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She quietly took leave during the reception that followed. Her draped saree felt suddenly too hot. Even though she had dreamed of this moment for years, now that it had come, she felt like chickening out. She didn't know the ending. Dare she try? No. She reminded herself, no more hanging on the precipice, waiting for it to happen, wanting and yearning. She was a story-hog first and foremost. To her, the endings were always the best part. She might lose a close friend but it was loads better than imagining If Onlys, that seemed to dominate her daydreams. She took her phone, thanking and cursing the 24/7 Wi Fi service. Quickly opening her WhatsApp, she scrolled down. There were loads of congrats and well wishes for her graduation. A fair amount of good natured ribbing was also there. She smiled but didn't pause to read any of those. 

 Towards the bottom, his name was flashing like a beacon she couldn't ignore. She cringed seeing her last message was seen, but not replied to. Then she shook herself, reminding herself it was not a new occurrence. Though she was saddened to realise there was no congrats to be found here, she didn't let it distract her. She quickly sent a call me message, seeing He was online. Unlike the other times when she never let anyone distract her from being a feminist through and through, this was one phase where she felt like being feminine. Or is that post feminism talking?

She patiently waited for the call to come only to feel the phone vibrate with a new message. Sighing, she looked at it.

Why?

She snorted exasperatedly. Nothing new but. She shook her head, a smile lingering on her face. This was not the first time she smiled coz of his omnipresent practicality and fervently hoped it wouldn't be the last.

Call!!

She waited and then the familiar tune sounded. She took a deep breath and attended it, making sure no one was near. No need to make it more embarrassing.

"Hi"

"What? Why did you ask me to call?"

She laughed.

"Not even a hello or a congrats?"

"Congrats are for flatterers."

"Ha, and I guess good mannerisms are wasted with you."

"You are blabbering. What’s the matter? You never ask me to call!"

"Q?"

"I don't think I forgot my own name."

She laughed and felt her nervousness bleed out of her. It was him. The one constant in her turbulent life. The one who dragged her back to reality when she seemed too high up. She took a deep breath.

"I wanted to tell you when the time was right and when I was sure."

Wait! That's not what I practiced telling. Oh shoot!

"Errr.... What I wanted to tell is I like you. I have liked you for a long while now. Sometimes I think I see signs from you, signs that made me feel like I had a chance." Words seemed to flow easier to her now.

 "Somehow you have completely turned my life around. I have told you things I have never told another living soul, including Zafrah. And I would like to believe that’s the same with you. For some years now, when something wonderful happens, you are the first person I think of sharing it with. I’m not telling that you are the one. This is it, love. I would like to believe it is. But as you know, I don’t believe in unrequited one- sided love..... So... Um... Q?"

She waited, her breath whooshing out when the dialer tone sounded. It didn't surprise her, she was prepared for the possibility that he wouldn't like her back, yet it still managed to send a sharp pang through her heart. A single tear glided down, which she rubbed away furiously.

That's it. Now you know he never saw you that way. Doesn't matter. You can go on. You always promised yourself you would.

Somehow there were no more empty words thought. Hearing footsteps nearing the room she was in, she quickly moved into the shadows and hid there. Suddenly a long forgotten line popped in her mind.

In darkness I thrive, for there my mask is made for me.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N :  So here it is.  it is kind of autobiographical.  i can write how this came to be or I can continue from here.  I would like to write both as parts.  but for that i need you support.  Please do review.  when i have atleast ten I will update.  Thank you for reading.  Hope you enjoyed it :)