"I am a lover without a lover. I am lovely and lonely and I belong deeply to myself." - Warsen Shire.
A lover without a lover is somebody who loves each thing around them so desperately that they do not have room for any singular person in their life.
At least, that's what they will tell themselves.
That's what you will tell yourself if you become a lover without a lover.
You will make up stories in your head about the people who love you and just can never say it.
How you are so in love with yourself and the Earth and the magical fairies of people around you that your heart cannot use anymore love or it will break.
That the Gods do not wish you to have a lover at this time, and so you won't. And of course, there is nothing you can do about it.
A lover without a lover, you have become.
Somebody who so deeply loves others.
A person who finds joy in the simple smiles or laughter of others.
Somebody who is "just too busy" for a romance or a date or a wonderful person to look at them just the right way.
That is what you will tell yourself over your dinner, music playing in the background.
It is what you will tell yourself in the shower, cooking breakfast, on your daily run, making new years resolutions, going to bed, watching TV.
It will pass through your mind going to the movies, at the library, at your favorite restaurant.
After all, we are not a society designed for the single.
We watch relationships like a sport and if you do not want or have a relationship, you aren't worthy of spending time with those who love watching the sport.
"But wait!" Your mind will shout after them as they shake their heads and walk away.
There is a difference between being alone and being lonely. You will whisper this to yourself as you leave from that spot, head down, hands in pockets. It will be whispered in lunch lines, in elevators, on morning commutes. It is an anthem, a truth, something so fundamentally realistic that no one will ever question it.
Besides you.
Because while it was true and while it did exist, you pushed it so hard in your mind that you became lonely while trying to simply be alone.
And I guess that is the greatest poison.
Because it's your mind that really makes you lonely, in the end.
You are a lover without a lover.