Loving Hate

When do we say that we love the person or we hate them? Is it when we can’t live without them or is it that we like them?? We will tell them we love them? When we don’t want to see people are we going to tell them that we hate them or when we despise them?? But what if you love him or her yet you hate him or her, can you really feel these feelings to one person alone? This questions came to me as I finished reading mom's letter but it is absolutely true, it is a big “Yes”……. Now hear my story...

I’ve been the star in my entire life. I’m “Little Miss Perfect” to everyone who knows me or rather to everybody. Born with a silver spoon in mouth and grew up getting what I want. I was not a typical rich kid who is a bully and mean, I was everyone’s friend and I am the campus sweetheart and their Queen Bee as well. I’ve live to impress my parents and the people around me. I never fail because I can’t…. But before anything let me tell my never ending story…

It was past two and I was in my room, facing my laptop making some articles for the school news paper when I heard a shatter outside of my room. I just ignored it and continue what I was doing. The shattering continues and it is a bit louder this time and still I ignore it. I pretty sure I was the only awake that moment since all the maids are already asleep and the guards are done checking everything and they are in their 2 hour sleep session already. I went outside and checkout what happen. The corridor was empty and my parents’ room was still open. I walk directly to their room and saw my mom lying on the floor. I rush to her, to help her but I saw my dad sitting on their bed with a gun on his shaking hands. I didn’t want to believe what my mind was thinking and what I saw. My mom was already breathless because of a gunshot in her head. Anger mounts to my body as I saw my dad. I wanted to kill him with the gun he is holding but I kept on hesitating. I went to my dad and ask him everything. He didn’t answer any of my questions. He just hugged me and I let go of him as he wraps his arms around my shoulder. “I don’t understand why you have to do such thing dad?” That was all I could say to him. Still he didn’t answer. He lay down the gun on the bed then took his phone and dialed a number. After a few minutes Nanny Maria went inside the room surprise to see what happen. She went to me and hugged me saying: “I knew this would happen.” Happen, what? I could barely see because my eyes were full of tears… I wanted to ask what was the meaning it but I couldn’t speak at all. Feels like my lips were glued together.

I was left on the floor speechless and my mom breathless. Nanny Maria and dad talked outside of the room. I went to the comfort room to wash face so I can see clearly. Questions fill my head; I don’t what I was thinking already. I went out of the bathroom and I notice a white folded paper on top of my father’s desk. I pick it up and saw my name embedded in it and familiar hand writing. It was my mom’s hand writing. I open it and tears begun to prick and the letter reads:

Dear Sofia,

Oh my lovely daughter, you are the greatest gift in my life. I didn’t anticipate that I could have you… But forgive me for I have to leave now. I have to find my true happiness and it is not with your father but to someone else I love….I love your father but he couldn’t give the time for me for he is so busy with his business and I met Michael he fill the emptiness and the loneliness of my world that I’ve been suffering for 3 years already. I have cheated your father, lied to you and to our family. Sofia, I know it’s not a good thing to cheat your husband but you can’t blame me for I badly needed love.

Michael and I are already celebrating our 3rd anniversary and I’m planning to file a divorce. So we could settle down. It hurts in my part to leave you but I know you’ll understand, right? I love you Sofia, I always will. Please forgive your mother.

Love,

Mom

My mom, she was a cheater, a liar, a disgrace but she is still my mom…. How could she do that to my father and to me??? Dad and Nanny Maria went inside of the room. I hurriedly ran to Nanny Maria, left the letter and hugged her so tight. My father looked at me worriedly. “Dad please tell me that everything is a lie, that mom is just lying. Please tell me…” My dad was on his knees when he heard me speak. “You already read the letter? Dad asked and I nodded. “I decided not to tell you but you already know the truth. My child, I was so angry when I read the letter your mom left. She was about to pack her things when I arrive home. I didn’t know what to do to stop her from going so I threatened her but I just end up killing your mom. I will pay the price of what I did; forgive me Sof---“We’re here!” The cops arrived and my dad didn’t finish what he was talking. My dad stood up and looks at Nanny, they nod to each other. I hurriedly ran to cops and told them everything. “My mom died because of a gunshot in her forehead. The thief did it to her.” Nanny Maria and dad were surprised on what they heard. I made the first lie in my life just to save my father from the crime he did. I love my father yet I hate him for doing that to my mother. “My mom was all alone when it happened. The guards were already in their sleeping session and I was with my dad that time, we just arrive 20 minutes ago.” Is that so young lady?” “Yes it is. The thief took the money of my mom and left her lifeless. That thief must pay for what he did. Please officer find that murderer.” My father and Nanny Maria were speechless. They medics took the body of my mother and we were left at the room, my dad came to me saying: “Why did you lie to them, Sofia?” I didn’t answer. “I will tell them the truth you stay—no dad, don’t do it, I already lied to them just to save you. I know it’s not good but—I didn’t finish speaking because my father hugged me already. I pushed him away saying: “Let go dad, don’t think that I already forgive you. What you did to mom is unacceptable. Why do you have to take her life? I hate you dad, I really do.” That was the first time I utter the words hate I told it to person I love. I never like that word; it was never part of my vocabulary. I didn’t expect that I would tell someone I hate them for love was the only thing I knew until this incident. So this is the feeling of hating someone, you don’t know how to forgive them.

I love my dad but I hate him too.