A quite shy and introvert girl, that’s what I was. Not so friendly not so open, a single child in the family no siblings no cousins.
What I will always remember is the time I used to spend alone, with myself. The only strength I have till now is being able to entertain myself with the need of any second person. I used to live in my own imaginary world, my friends my mates all were within me. They were the way I wanted them to be. They were happy when I used to smile; they used to cry when I was sad. We played, we talked, we slept, we eat, every time someone was there with me that remained by my side whenever I was alone.
Lost in my own thoughts, I never enjoyed the company of people living nearby. Because for me, they were different. No own ever tried to understand the loneliness I was feeling that time. Yes, I was alone but innocent enough to express what I was feeling. I needed a best friend to share, a brother to fight, a sister to love and yes someone to be there when I was alone.
People do ask why you are always so available for everyone. It’s just because, I know what being lonely is. How painful it is when you can’t find someone to talk, to laugh with.
The time for family gatherings was always a burden. I started hating crowds, noise, people, everyone. Because by then, my world got shortened with my imaginations. I might have been normal like every child, too talkative, too funny, but my obscure environment never lets me come out to feel the warmth of childhood companions and enjoyment. The notorious behavior, the extra active personality, the confident look, the perfect speech, the childish thoughts these all were much away from me.
What I was is a quite, not so lonely yet lost, unexpressive, recluse girl who never wanted to face the world.
Your childhood leaves an impression on what you are today, and yes today somewhere when I try to be the part of this world, I started losing myself. Even today, my world allures me more than the world in which my physical body dwells. I do miss my childhood, that I never lived.