My Heart Will Always Remember (part 1)

Find a way to my heart and I will always be with you

From wherever you are, I’ll be waiting

I’ll keep a place in my heart, you will see it shining through

So find a way to my heart and I will, I will follow you

I was used to this.

I was used to being here, amidst partners dancing to the waltz, among the ‘ladies of the ton’, as they say in Old English novels, milling about looking for marriage prospects for themselves or for their daughters.

I was used to roaming around the great, elegant hall, full of gold tapestries, and gold chandeliers, and gold up-to-ceiling doors –basically anything that screams “indefinitely rich and powerful”.

I was used to all this grandeur life, and yet I felt as if I’m still missing something…a life I’ve lived before that my heart desperately wanted to remember but my mind just can’t seem to do so.

But don’t you remember? Don’t you remember?

The reason you loved me before

Baby, please remember me once more

I closed my eyes and sighed sadly. I never liked going to these types of formal parties, and yet there was a reason why I keep coming back every year. What happened here that I’ve forgotten?

“Hey, Lizzie, would you like to dance?”

I looked up to find George Manchester, the son of the owner who held this party every year at his house. He had the bluest blue eyes, and he’s been a hit with the ladies since they found out that not only was he handsome, but he was also swimming in lots of money. And luxury vehicles. And vacation spots. He’s also nice and sweet, with manners and all, and every girl in the country is in love with him.

Well, if you don’t count me, of course. “I’m not sure, George. I…I don’t think I’m up to any dances now,” I replied to him quite sadly, like I didn’t really want to refuse his request but I had to do so because I was tired. Or something.

He looked really put up about it but he still gave me a sad smile. “Okay then, would you mind if I keep you company? Even for just a little while? You know, if that’s all right with you.”

I bit my lip and tried to look anywhere but at him. I settled looking at the shiny marble ground. “Well, I guess it wouldn’t be too bad…” I said slowly, trying to weigh the words I’m saying. I was trying not to be rude, rejecting his company twice, even if I really didn’t want to talk to anyone right now.

“Come on, Izzy! Dance with me!” Arm tugging. Silly laughs. Giving in.

I looked up suddenly. What was that?

“Izzy! You’re doing it all wrong! Here, follow my lead.” Hands holding. Playing with the ring on his thumb. Gray.

Heart beating fast, I looked around trying to find what...whatever it was I was hearing. Who was that? Why can’t I remember what this was? My head began pounding so hard.

It was all gray…

Everything was gray…

Why is it all gray?

‘Coz you know, questions are never that easy

And never the same

Will you have the answer believe me

If you have the faith?

“Lizzie? Lizzie, are you okay?” I heard George asking me, but his voice felt very far away, like a soft echo from the other side of the sea. I stood up weakly, George suddenly supporting me by standing up too and gently holding my arm. “Lizzie! Are you, do you need anything?” I heard George a million light years away…

“Don’t stay there Izzy! You’ll fall!”

“No, I won’t! Don’t you feel the wind? Like it can take you anywhere you want to go?” Excitement. The thrill of being there at the edge.

“You don’t have to stay at the edge of that cliff to feel the wind, Izzy! Come back here beside me, where it’s safe. I can feel the wind as much as you do from there.”

“Lizzie?”

I held my forehead and blinked my eyes to try to clear my vision, but all I can see was gray. Not the ballroom and the dance floor. Not the gold chandeliers and the doors leading to the gardens. Not the people dancing and having fun. Not even George Manchester, who was just beside me.

All I can see was…was…who was this? “I need…I need…”

Laughing. Joy. So much happiness. “Don’t be such a baby! This feels so much better!” More wind. So much happiness. So much freedom. “Don’t you feel like you can fly just by being here? Go to places you’ve wanted to go since before?”

Silence. “I used to. I used to want to.”

Looked back. Surprised to find him standing beside me. “What changed?” I asked.

He took a deep breath and held my hand. His grip tight, like he didn’t know how else to say it. “You. Now, I’ve got you. I don’t have to fly anywhere else because now, you’re here. Now, there’s just you.”

“Elizabeth.”

Heart beats fast

Colors and promises

How to be brave

How can I love when I’m afraid

To fall

But watching you stand alone

All of my doubt

Suddenly goes away somehow

The blurry haze I was in moments ago suddenly seemed to disappear when I heard that voice call out my name. I could see the ballroom and the chandeliers and the dance floor. I could see the people and their dresses and suits. I could see the floor to ceiling windows surrounding the room.

But I didn’t really mind them, they were still just kind of a blur because then I noticed him.

He was just standing a few meters from where I was. I noticed him among everything inside the room because I recognized him.

That voice that called out my name.

Those deep, silver gray eyes staring at me.

------------------------------------------------------------------

**A/N:

Songs used (in bold):

Find A Way To My Heart (Phil Collins)

Don’t You Remember (Adele)

A Thousand Years (Christina Perri)