My sadness

I am 18 now.. a girl stuck between love and studying. I have crush on a guy.. i think he knew that.. it's okay if i dont have to abroad. My parents dont allow me to have love in Viet Nam. I was very sad. Some time i thought he crush on me back but i know it was just my illusion.. i dont know.. somehow, i can find our common, our favorite things, etc. But the truth is i am just his sister, just his friend. I am exhausted right now, i really dont know how to end this.. how to stop crushing on him, how to be the old me again :"(
Everything would be meaningless without having you in my story life.. o only have one wish right now, i wish i would never known you, you are my pain, you ruined my day, you ruined every good thing in me, i hate you, i really hate you. Now, i am trying not to contact with you, i will stay away from you.. as far as i can.. o think you know that i have crush on you and you also know that i want to stay away from you..
Good bye my sickness :)