Naked.?

My best friend said you’re emotionally draining me while I was drinking my third pint. Her words echoed in my mind with flashes of you making me emotionally unstable, as I stared into infinity.

You know what? She’s right. You do make me cry, a lot. And I’m more emotionally stable than my friend for that matter. I still tear up terribly to the audio of you singing ‘Naked’. You said it was imperfect and casual. I silently agreed. But I listen to it every day. Only if you knew, I was actually building a wall, just like the girl James sings for. On the days I’m down and you’re not here. I take my favorite blanket, hug it tight and play the audio.

It feels like you’re here, with me, even if it’s for 1 min and 10 seconds. I feel your warmth. You whisper in my ears, softly. I have to call and talk to you. Bring this wall down. And take it to the next level. But the fear of messing it all up makes me sob. So I take a step back. More back. And pretend to go to sleep. Next morning you message me another audio.

“All of you” by John Legend. You sang it so perfectly. And I said I am. I am giving all of me.

I still remember the day. 11 Sept. I gave myself in. 11 Sept. We admitted we loved each other. 9/11. The world looks down to an atrocious day.

Was it a coincidence? I don’t know. I don’t wanna know.

7 days later, we’re breaking apart. You’re insecure as ever. I’m making you more. I say words I didn’t mean. I didn’t say words I actually mean.

For the millionth time, I love you. But you sniff in disbelief and break me apart. I messed up. But you did too.

I have no idea if I’ll ever stop writing about you. Because there’s no end to it. Or us.At least Not the one that we fear. Or Maybe there is. I don’t know. I don’t wanna know.