The Nightmare

That night I'd told you about?

The night I woke up with a start,

Feeling a pair of shivering hands tightening

Around my slender neck?

You want to know whose hands they were?

No, they were not my husband's.

They were mine.

~

No. Don't disbelieve me, please.

I'm trying to confront the truth myself.

I tried to obliterate the fact as -

As my imagination running wild ;

But it is a fact as true as the

Faraway, but inevitable death of the Sun.

~

Do you think I lie?

I knew as much that you would.

But do you know why I came to you?

Because i wanted to make myself believe

that I, at least, am not to blame.

~

I didn't ask him, but I allowed it ;

I never deserved it but I patiently bore it ;

I know my crime was just as big,

But silence was my only refuge.

I knew I had no hope of moving away,

Or, maybe, that he would find me

Even in the darkest chambers of hell

And bring me to this place

my parents had hoped I would, one day, call my 'home'?

~

I did it, but only to protect myself

And give my children a life without want.

People may smile sadly and advice me otherwise now,

But what more could an illiterate like me do?

If I left his house, how would I have

Educated my children enough,

So that they never have to suffer a life like mine?

~

I had built so many castles in the air

When I was young and innocent yet -

I dreamt of going to school before 

I was told that my school was the kitchen ;

Of reading the newspaper and being wise before

Maa handed me the kadai instead of the slate ;

Of being able to buy whatever I wanted before

My parents bought me a husband with a dowry ;

Of having a loving family,

The only dream that materialized 

Only to reveal the brute I'd been married off to.

~

What, are you writing? I wish I could too.

Then, today, I wouldn't be here

In colourless stripes, narrating my story 

To a woman as unknown to me as

Happiness itself.

~

How many days have I been here?

Or has it been months? Or, years?

Have the fourteen years passed?

No?

~

You know, I'd hoped that, at least,

My children would come to meet me once...

I hope that, one day, they will not be ashamed

That I claimed the freedom I'd forfeited for their sake.

~

Now I realize how nobody ever cared for my

Independence. Neither my parents

Nor my children. 

I wish i hadn't wasted twenty-three years,

Waiting for the 'right time' to come.

But you do understand, right,

That killing him was the only way out?

~

Wait! Don't take me away!

I've more to confess -

Things that I've been hiding!

No! Not to the devil's room again!

I am NOT mad, and you all know that.

~

Doctor, it took me two weeks to perfect the story!

Doctor, it was you who wanted the whole 'story'!

I tried my best, Doctor!

Didn't I make sense even today?

~