That night I'd told you about?
The night I woke up with a start,
Feeling a pair of shivering hands tightening
Around my slender neck?
You want to know whose hands they were?
No, they were not my husband's.
They were mine.
~
No. Don't disbelieve me, please.
I'm trying to confront the truth myself.
I tried to obliterate the fact as -
As my imagination running wild ;
But it is a fact as true as the
Faraway, but inevitable death of the Sun.
~
Do you think I lie?
I knew as much that you would.
But do you know why I came to you?
Because i wanted to make myself believe
that I, at least, am not to blame.
~
I didn't ask him, but I allowed it ;
I never deserved it but I patiently bore it ;
I know my crime was just as big,
But silence was my only refuge.
I knew I had no hope of moving away,
Or, maybe, that he would find me
Even in the darkest chambers of hell
And bring me to this place
my parents had hoped I would, one day, call my 'home'?
~
I did it, but only to protect myself
And give my children a life without want.
People may smile sadly and advice me otherwise now,
But what more could an illiterate like me do?
If I left his house, how would I have
Educated my children enough,
So that they never have to suffer a life like mine?
~
I had built so many castles in the air
When I was young and innocent yet -
I dreamt of going to school before
I was told that my school was the kitchen ;
Of reading the newspaper and being wise before
Maa handed me the kadai instead of the slate ;
Of being able to buy whatever I wanted before
My parents bought me a husband with a dowry ;
Of having a loving family,
The only dream that materialized
Only to reveal the brute I'd been married off to.
~
What, are you writing? I wish I could too.
Then, today, I wouldn't be here
In colourless stripes, narrating my story
To a woman as unknown to me as
Happiness itself.
~
How many days have I been here?
Or has it been months? Or, years?
Have the fourteen years passed?
No?
~
You know, I'd hoped that, at least,
My children would come to meet me once...
I hope that, one day, they will not be ashamed
That I claimed the freedom I'd forfeited for their sake.
~
Now I realize how nobody ever cared for my
Independence. Neither my parents
Nor my children.
I wish i hadn't wasted twenty-three years,
Waiting for the 'right time' to come.
But you do understand, right,
That killing him was the only way out?
~
Wait! Don't take me away!
I've more to confess -
Things that I've been hiding!
No! Not to the devil's room again!
I am NOT mad, and you all know that.
~
Doctor, it took me two weeks to perfect the story!
Doctor, it was you who wanted the whole 'story'!
I tried my best, Doctor!
Didn't I make sense even today?
~