You Can Only Breathe

When people say, " It's just another day. 

When people say, " Life goes on. "

When people say, " Everything will be fine. "

Or, " Just take a deep breathe. "

It was not just another day. Life did not go on. Nothing was ever fine after that day. And, I can't even breathe on my own.

I am on a ventilator. Every moment is a fight against death. I'm struggling to breathe. Yes. For me, life is just breathing, not existing.

~

Living away from home is hard enough. But a sudden transition from a small town to a place like Mumbai all alone is enough to make one cry. And that's exactly what I did throughout the first month of my college life. Introvert as I am, the condescending looks I attracted due to my "poor" sense of fashion and my unsophisticated accent pushed me deeper into my shell. I just wanted to return home, and I probably would have done so if I hadn't known that my parents had taken a loan for my higher studies in Mumbai.

Eventually, things began to settle. With passing time, i even managed to make a few friends. With their help, I gradually became acceptable to the rich and spoiled brats' society. After a year, well, I'd settled so well that I could laugh at the unnatural anxiety i had felt when I'd entered the college gates for the first time.

Two years passed quite eventfully, college bustling with activity and blossoming friendships, the pressure of academics and a romance in full bloom. Yes. A very close friend of mine, Rishi, was in love with me, and I couldn't say I didn't want o reciprocate. The only obstacle to our being committed was that Rishi was too shy to propose, and I preferred to wait for his proposal. It was then that things started taking a sharp bend in my life. 

In our final year, we were expected to arrange for the Freshers' Party. It was to be a grand event and I was given the task of decoration along with a team of seven others. One of my teammates was Akshay, an acquaintance of mine for the last two years. In the course of working together, we became good friends, or so I'd thought. Rishi had once warned me against him, saying that he was very crude with girls. But, in spite of his warning, even after the Party, we used to share things with each other and liked to spend time together. After a few weeks, one day, he suddenly proposed me. I was surprised and knowing how delicate the matter was, I explained why I couldn't accept his proposal and confessed that I loved Rishi. I was a little hurt when Akshay cut off all contact with me.

In the meantime, on my birthday, Rishi arranged a surprise party for me and publicly proposed me, a proposal I couldn't reject. I was on the ninth cloud and little had I imagined that my happiness was not to last long.

~

One afternoon, I was waiting to catch the bus to Andheri to visit a friend who was suffering from jaundice and give her the notes that she'd been missing out on. I was talking to Rishi on the phone, reminding him to take the notes for the classes I was going to miss that day, when a bike vroomed past the bus stand. This happened a few more times, and curious to see what was happening, I stepped out of the shelter. Before I'd realized what was happening, the bike rushed past me and something was thrown towards me. 

I ducked. But it was already too late. As my face and hands burnt, I collapsed on the road and lost consciousness.

~

I regained consciousness three weeks later to find my parents, my younger brother and Rishi ( I couldn't help smiling, in my mind, of course ) sitting by my bed. My parents were weeping, my brother stood near the door and Rishi - he just held my hand.

He was the one who told me what had happened after I blacked out. Those acid-attackers rushed past me and threw another bottle of acid on my body, due to which, even before I was brought to the hospital, some of my organs had started melting and failing my body. The doctors had said it was a miracle that my heart had not been affected and that I was still alive. He told me it had been three weeks since the attack and the attackers have been arrested. He reluctantly told me that it was none other than Akshay and a friend of his. 

Tears streamed down my scarred cheeks. As I tried to take a deep breathe, I realized that I was surviving on a ventilator. I could neither breathe nor speak.

After about three months, I was able to move my hands, the only part of my body that were unaffected by the attack. Maybe because I was to pen down my story one day. I began writing a month later, little by little, not more than a few lines at a time. And with Rishi always by my side.

He hasn't left my side for a day since I regained consciousness. I know he deserves better than a burden like me, but he says, " You deserve a better destiny than the one you're living with. And I'll make sure that your destiny walks up to you one day. I'll make it possible. Or, maybe our love will. "

~

For me and millions of girls all over the world, an acid attack is not JUST ANOTHER STORY in the news paper. It's our story. The story of those who're impaired by cruelty. The story of those who can never lead normal lives again. The story of those who survive, but cannot live. The story of those who can only breathe.