Nightmare

From the stray woman left at bay:

I had a bad dream,

But I did not wake up crying or shouting.

Instead I was just lost at words.

At first, I tried to look beside me, and it was a breather when I saw your face. I woke you up and hugged you tight. I asked you to turn the lights off because we forgot about it last night. I started with the words, "I had a bad dream."

And then I continued, "I swear, I really had a bad dream. You were in it."

I didn't know if you were listening or not, because it's still 1 AM as you checked the time in your cellular phone, and the light was turned off, I could barely see your face.

"I was in my college university where they offer Law school." (and where my sister, who is already a lawyer, graduated her LB)

We had this agreement that I'd enroll for Law school next year, and luckily (insert sarcasm here), it appeared to me in my dream posing as if it makes it all real.

"There was this yearly trad in our university where they conduct night concerts of various music artists and liquor drinking for those who are of legal age students. And in my dream, I was there in the midst. I was about to come down to the concert ground when I called you."

"Are you still listening?"

-"Yeah, yes, I am."

"And you were at this noisy place in Batangas (a city that's 3-hour away from your workplace). You said you were with two women: Rochelle and Elaine. (Exact words that I can remember, and names of people I do not know.)"

And then you interrupted me.

-"We did not eat last night, that's why you had that weird dream!"

"It's not just that. It felt real. I've had dreams that turned to reality." I said as I was struggling to explain to you how bad it was for me.

-"What? The dream? Are you a lunatic? Are you in some kind of a fairytale story?"

-"How can a dream possibly come true? You're thinking of bad thoughts about me that's why. You have trust issues." (And I heard you muttered 'crazy' and cussed.)

I started crying, not because of the dream, but because of your words, but instead you misinterpreted it.

-"What? You're crying because you had a bad dream? Dreams are just dreams. They don't come true! Stop crying. You look crazy."

-"Do you want me to bring you to a psychiatrist?"

AND THAT was my last straw. I wept. No matter how I basically use the words 'it hurts' many times whenever I'm with you, it didn't change the fact that it really hurts. I slapped you. I told you that it was a mean thing to say; that you disrespected me.

Do you know what really pains me more?

I cried not for the reason that I had a bad dream, but for the things you bluntly said.

Imagine being at your weakest. Imagine sharing your fear to somebody you thought you'd want to share the rest of your life with. Imagine being married to a man who'd call you lunatic and would ask to bring you to a psychiatric ward.

I don't know about you, but it's as if I caused my own death. It was a heartbreak I wanted to pass. My heart still hurts, and it still beats too fast.

Oh, and you didn't let me finish.

I didn't cry when I had a bad dream. I walked down to the concert ground when a man who was wearing a policeman shirt with an ID "Law student" pulled me to a table encircled with people I assume as colleagues. I was still on the phone with you, and I told you that I'd be glad to process our legal separation. You tried to stop me and tell me that it wasn't entirely your fault. You tried to call me a dozen times and you texted me that you will be home soon. I turned my phone shut and continued enjoying the rest of the musical evening without feeling any remorse or love for you.

You didn't hear me out.

I had a bad dream. No. It was a nightmare.

I dreamt not being in love with you.

And that was what scared me most.