So today i went to youth group. for those who are not familiar, it is bible study with a twist so its oversimplified and regurgitated into preteen/teen language. I go because my best friend is christian and asks me to go. I don't refuse, basically I learn whatever I can about anyone points of view so I understand everyone much better. so today we heard from one of the group leaders, Josh. This man had delt with depression and suicidal thoughts, he even set a date where he was going to kill himself. He woke up that morning and learned that one of the other group leaders, Ryan, and his wife had lost their baby. These grown men are sitting here crying telling this story and I was moved to tears. I've never known these people outside of Wednesdays and yet they were willing to lay all their emotions out on the table and tell me about their struggles as a person. So Josh goes to see Ryan and Ryan immediately stands up and hugs him, crying into his arms. Josh says that in that moment he was thinking that Ryan has so much more to kill himself over and how God is horrible. Ryan looks at josh and says God is good, he will make something out of this. Josh is absolutely stunned.
I have had a history of self harm and depression. I cried today because its a good enough reason to explain my recovery. Like I said, I don't exclusively worship God or Jesus. I keep my thoughts to myself because I am not anyone to judge someones thoughts or opinions about this sick and twisted world we live in. If people want a silver lining, they can go for it. I was severely depressed from the end of school last year up until about the last stretch of summer. I don't know how and I don't remember when the transformation started, but I have grown to love myself, people around me and always see pros before cons. I could say that after many years of depression and that eternity-like 4 months of absolute darkness I have grown an acceptance for life. Its a very plausible explanation, but for an hour and a half tonight, i could say that God or whoever is watching over me and wants me to succeed in life.
And that is all I need.