Not for you anymore

I'm done! sick of it !

Do you know that feeling when you feel like your doing a lot of things to others, than to your self ? When you put your own self as second priority? 

shameful, I know, so from now on here how it goes, I'll stop doing everybody's demand including you. Why? because it's abusing and it can hurt pretty bad. 

I'm just so fucking tired of doing the best that I can do, to everybody else and what everybody else do?  poof!! they left, just like a dust. I did everything just to impress somebody else just to be accepted  and what did i get nothing literally nothing, let me rephrase that to something that is more suitable for this case. How about, emptiness.  A complete void of emptiness. it's like finding a living tree in an open dessert, it's pointless.

and now for the worst case scenario. You. You just pop up in my life out of now where it was disturbing at first how this fuzzy, flurry,  tingles in my stomach what do they call it? oh yeah butterflies , satisfies every craving in my body, i don't want to sound so overly cheesy and dramatic but i actually felt those tiny volts that send goose bumps in my entire body that day when you touch my hand. And yes I did think of this thoroughly  i give you a spot a one nice very big spot in my life. with my stupid to the core brain and this silly little heart of mine. you made things different you made the heavy things go lighter, the dark go pastel, the bitter taste sweet. and i didn't know how you did it but it made me happy.temporarily.

and now it turns out your just like everybody else. My best friend who told me that we will never be apart but here i am, alone and socially awkward. My parents who told me that i should never get sick, i should be the one giving my family a hope of a better life, they never cared their just afraid of losing their investment and I am that investment. and just like everybody else you see me as not so interesting highly depress girl with poor social status. well thanks anyway, now i won't be fooled by the faces of pretenders. by the way that one nice very big spot you got in my life now its patch up with depression thanks a lot.

enough of you I didn't write for you i write for my self, i love my self now, i may carry burdens but this white skin and pale face, it's me and i'm happy for my self and not for you anymore.