Not the Ideal Girlfriend

Your smile so charming
Simple gentleman, so attractive.
Your effortless academic stand such a daydream.
And everytime u play, ball control is your job.

Years of stalking. Years of dreaming. Years of I never thought we'd be so close. Close enough to become lovers. As we dance the last song in your playlist, I can't even look into your sparkling eyes caused by the dim lights. Feeling we're alone in the place full of people. My heart beat stopped over thinking if we are possible. Nah! Not a single chance. Until I wished upon a star. Never thought he would respond.

Magical, how we made things possible. What a lucky girl am I? You noticed my smile, tolerate my attitude, love my naughty little mind. I became the apple of your eyes. Yes I am. Yet you made me feel I'm not good enough. Tear drops never fall as i keep thinking how much we love each other. Words locked, afraid how a single word could destroy everything.

I am the apple of your eyes but you never made me feel beautiful. I am the apple of your eyes but my dress is too short. I am the apple of your eyes but you are not my biggest fan. I am the apple of your eyes but can I be simple?  I am the apple of your eyes but my dress doesn't fit me. I am the apple of your eyes but my lipstick stains. I am the apple of your eyes but I'm not the favorite person. I am the apple of your eyes but I am unpleasant to your sight. I am the apple of your eyes but I am not the dream girlfriend.

I will never be the kindest girl. I will never be the good girl. I will never be the simple girl. And I will never be your "mom, this is my girlfriend." Because all this time I was never good enough. Such a pretty girl am I to the eyes of the people around me. Maybe true, maybe not. But to you, I am not. You called me beautiful, oh a hundred times I think? Yet why do i feel so insecure when I'm with you? The confidence I gained from the flattering words of my friends and all the people around me... Inch by inch you're taking it away from me.

You're my biggest insecurity. Your ideal girl, your simple little thoughts, your words, and the way you look at me. Everything is such a downfall for my personality. You love me but you failed to appreciate the things that make me. Not being a typical girl is my failure. Not being simple is a disappointment. You prefer tshirt over dress, sneakers over heels, pony over curls, bare over red. In short, you prefer a girl that is not like your girlfriend.

We don't know how long this relationship will last, but I believe, this is just a start of something. Beyond anything and everything between us, I don't want to lose you yet. Not yesterday,  not today,  and not tomorrow. You never failed to make me smile. And your love is what keeps me holding on.