Obsessed

I'm a good girl , young and beautiful from belle woods. good girls hold doors to people , help other and they only have sex when they love the other person . but for me i 'm not a good girl anymore so how did a nice girl from a small town end up a prostitute ?

Some people like to pretend that good and bad are as easy to discern as black and white , I used to believe that too. the first time I slept with a man who paid me for sex I was repulsed ,I remember the desperation and wanting anything to take back what I had done . many questions ran into my head , what would my dad think ? how would my mum feel ? how could I live with my self ? I was a WHORE , but I was one who had commanded a 5000$ a night price tag .

A man , an attractive , rich man had paid money for the pleasure of my company ,the part of that was often worried that I was not interesting enough , not pretty enough or too shy in bed , enjoyed this . three nights of sex with me was worth more than a year of working as someone's assistant . what an irony !

Three years ago ,

I decided to become a prostitute when I was seventeen years old, most of the people assume I made this decision because I was raped as a kid or because my parents didn't hug me enough , well none of those conjectures are right.

I can't deny I was a really joyful child I had a passion for acting and painting , however I never knew my dad , he died in a car crash when I was two years old but I still keep a picture of him in my closet . three years later my mum married bill , he wasn't a step dad to me but he was real father and an art professor , he paid the rent and the bills alone ,my mum couldn't help him with that she's is Croatian so she didn't have the right to have a job in America and just a year later after their marriage I had my first sister silver , she was so small and so tiny , she was mesmerizing and had all the love of the world .

High school is when everything started , almost all of my friends were older than me , very superficial girls and popular guys . I was sixteen by then , I didn't really like the company of people of my class except for Albert , he was smart , polite and we shared the same devotion for maths and physics that we became best friends although he was seen as the weird nerd but I liked his company .I was the hot brunette with light skin , long hair and hazel eyes that every guy at school wanted , I always dress up short skirts , dresses also even heels and I have my make up on everyday at school . I didn't really date anyone I just liked the attention and often I even notice this maths professor staring at me , it was ridiculous .

The part of me that was always worried if I 'm pretty today , if my hair is looking good enjoyed this , but deep inside I wanted people to like me for who I am not because I'm the hot chick that everyone have a crush on .

So far everything was perfect , I had good grades and already planning for college but one day I was in class and suddenly they came telling that the principal Fitz wants to see me in his office immediately . while walking on the hallway I was thinking about yesterday 's party , I said " I 'm definitely in a trouble again and they will call my parents. Fuck " I wish it was that

chapter two

I went to his office , I knocked the door and entered ,he asked me to take a seat and relax . I sat and he said " Your dad called us " . My dad never calls school , I was flustered and I asked ''Is there anything wrong sir ? " . he kept starring at my eyes and he didn't talk for a few seconds , it made me uncomfortable so I asked him again " what's going on ? " I started to have the feeling that something went awfully wrong . then he told me "your dad called us to tell you that you need to go to the hospital , your mum had a car accident this morning ". At first I didn't want to believe him , I said " are you sure sir that it's me ? are you sure that it's my mum? ", he gave the impression that he's in a grave yard not his office and then he said " you should go , she needs you now the most " .

In that moment I knew it's my mum ,I had tears in my eyes , my heart almost fell off my chest , and I felt like she's already dying . I went running to the hospital with my whole body was shaking out of fear " I can't lose you mum ... you can't die ". when I got there I found my step dad and Silver in the waiting room , it's the first time I see him crying that much . he said that she hit her head and she's having an operation right now , I kept praying for hours and the operation lasted 6 hours which was like a life time to us .

The doctor was finally out , I went running asking him " how is she ? is she better now right ? can we see her ? ", I just felt the need to know she was fine but it was the total opposite . he said " her case is extremely critical now , she had a trauma which caused head injuries that lead her brain to swell and push down on the brain stem which damaged the part that is responsible for arousal and awareness and now she is in a coma also we don't know how much it will last and I' m sorry you will be able to see her later but for now you must let her rest . his last sentence was shocking , I didn't know what to do , none of us did .

Albeit the doctors said there is no obligation to stay , we kept sitting in the waiting room , I knew home wouldn't be the same without her , it won't be home anymore but we had to go there anyway . On the way my step dad was frustrated , his grief was turned into hysteria , he was yelling all the way home " Eva is gone and that's because of both of you ! " . For the first time I yell at his face " she is NOT gone ,she' s a survivor and she will get better ! " and then I was quiet all the way just trying to imagine how we will survive this life while mum is away and what makes it even worst is we have no idea how long it will take for her to be back to us , I felt like an orphan already.

I couldn't sleep well for days, praying every night for her to get back to us. For the first time I felt helpless, I wasn't strong, strong people deal with the unexpected and they are not afraid of any circumstances . I never expected to feel abandoned but I did.

My dad got even worst ,every time he talks he made me and silver feel like she's already dead. I didn't know how to deal with him, he started getting drunk every night and getting back home making a mess. He quit his job and we started getting the bills of the month, and I felt that it will be the start of a real financial problem since he wasted all the money got in nights out.

After a month, the doctor finally said that I can see her but only for 2 minutes. Her case got stable but she still not responding to anything. I saw her laying down, with too much machines. I didn't even know what is their functions. I had tears in my eyes, but I held it because I didn't want to cry in front of her even if she won't be able to hear me. "Wake up mum, you can't leave us, I can't lose you, because if I do every prayer and every candle won't make up for the fact that you are gone forever, and all I will be left with is a whole in my heart, where the person I love the most used to be and a rock with a birthday and a name craved into it . I'm stuck here with bill or dad getting drunk every night while I 'm taking care of silver and worrying about the bills "

On day as I arrived from high school, silver came running to me once I opened the door and she said " daddy said mummy is in heaven now is that true ? " her words were like an arrow in my heart , how can he tell a ten years old child something like that ! I had to say something to her, I had to give her hope , a hope I myself, I didn't have and then I said " she is just sick sweetheart , she will be back home soon " at that very moment I had to juggle between how I feel and how I should make her feel .

Suddenly I heard someone knocking at the door, we went to open and it's a man we don't know , I said " may I know who you are ? " he replied " good afternoon my name is Fred Montgomery , is your dad home ? " . by then my dad was sleeping, as he does since my mum got sick : getting drunk at night and sleeping the whole day . so I said " no sir, he is not home but you can tell me what you need him for and I will make sure to let him know by the evening ", and then he told me that my dad didn't pay this month's rent in time and that he needs the amount as soon as possible .

That was the start of trouble in the house , so I had to think about a solution , a way to pay the bills and keep our home secure . so the next day I went looking for an after school job , in libraries , supermarkets , shops but everyone refused , either they have enough employees or I 'm under age but then I saw this about a bartender and I plucked up the courage to go sign up for the job no matter what it takes , I was desperate.

chapter three

Mum always told me that if I can't count on anyone, I can count on her .but now I realized that I can't count on anyone but myself, well that was really daunting .

I went home directly to my closet ,to try something that will make me look hot and classy, elegant and never trashy ! well that was such a hard combinations. after trying thousands of outfits, I ended up wearing a very short skirts, a small t-shirt and a leather jackets also black heels to match . I tried to keep my make up natural on the eyes but bold on the lips and for the first time I had my hair up in a messy bun and I was hoping that this works. On the way to bar I had all the anxiety of the world as it was my only chance to get a job .

Once I got in, I realized that place is a whole new level of eye-popping .I was scared but spell bounded at the same time .people of all kinds and ages, some are laughing unconditionally while other seemed to have all the complications of the world so I spent few seconds looking at everyone . It' s extraordinary how one place can gather so much joy and misery at the same time for years .

I was worried that someone will notice I 'm under age and they kick me out but luckily it didn't happen .so I went looking for guy I had to talk to about the job, and I finally found him . I couldn't be any more surprised . on the way I thought I will find an old messy man, an alcoholic with the most inappropriate way of speaking but this hot guy was way different of what I imagined . I stood for a while near him, he was tall with a tanned skin, great dark hair and he had the most attractive British accent I have ever heard . I told him " the sign outside says you need a bartender ! I 'm here for the ..." and as he came close to me I noticed his charming blue eyes , I stopped speaking and we kept gazing at each others for few seconds until it got sort of awkward and then he said " Hi! I'm Adam , I see you are here for the job. great ! you will start today and I'm sure you know what to do, right ? " and then I had to lie " yes I do , I worked in many bars before and ... " he interrupted saying " alright , get started and we will see how well you will do then we will discuss your schedule and Steve ,the guy in the back will help you if you need anything " .

I was confused that he didn't ask about my name or my ID but it was the best thing that ever happened and now I moved from his beauty to the ugly reality ! I had to deal with old man now instead of high school boys. So I started working with the different customers ,some were annoying and very irritating while others were quiet . every time I heard a new story, it turned out that some people have bigger issues than mine which was sort of encouraging for me to hold in the hope that I will have my mum back and everything will be normal again . I liked Adam so I kind of enjoyed that job even if it had more negatives than positives .

I always have noticed a girl that comes to the bar every weekend she was catchy and she had all men's every time .one day I was serving her a drink and then an obvious drunk man came to her and he said with a terrible tone " I want to offer this hot lady a drink ! " and then she turned to him with the most sarcastic judgy eyes I have ever seen and she said " honey, you are the most pathetic and depressive old man I have ever seen and I wish you can speculate how irrelevant you are to me " and she smiled " better for you to go ". the drunk man was puzzled and he kept looking at her for few seconds then he ordered another drink and left . and she told " these men, are so annoying I don't know how you deal with all of them ! I 'm Heather by the way. I instantly admired her.

Later on that day, after I finished my shift, I kept working a little bit late than usual so I told Adam "I 'm done for now I will see you tomorrow ".Surprisingly he asked me to stay a little more to help him with the tables and the cleanings because Steve was absent .

His eyes had a very charged intense thrill, I wasn't really sure I had his attention because during the days I had worked there, he didn't really talk to me, he just smiled at me often and said hi ! So I couldn't refuse although I was really busy . so we organized the place in a very slow motion, I guess both of us were waiting for something to happen. I wanted to stay more but we were done already, I said " I guess we finished finally so I should probably go, my dad is waiting for me ". He said goodbye and he left, I kept looking at him for few seconds while he walked outside .Then I went to the back room to change my clothes and suddenly while wearing my shoes, I heard footsteps, so I got up quickly to check who was it .at that moment Adam jumped in and he held me by my hips and he kept starring at my eyes afterwards he let down my hair on my shoulders . It was confusing and at the same time exciting and intimidating .

I didn't really know what to do, then he caressed my cheek down to my lips where he had drawn the outline with his thumb, I started breathing faster than normal and I honestly thought we will kiss .then he said " you are more beautiful with your hair down " and then he gave me a cheek kiss and told me" I will walk you home today" .

On the way he said " I want to know all about you , but first let's start with your name " and he laughed shyly " well it 's really awkward that you haven't told me you name yet !" .and I replied Ashley, my name is Ashley and that was another lie I tell Adam and all the way he kept asking me about my family, my studies, my hobbies, everything. I had to lie in some answers and deep inside I wished I could be more honest with him .

We talked only about me but I wanted to know him, to know everything related to him . I never was this curious about someone .

The way seemed way shorter than usual as we arrived to my place I told him " this is it , it's my home, I should go but next time it 's your turn to tell me about you. " He said in a mysterious way " there isn't much to know about me " . he kissed my cheek and he said see you tomorrow Ashley.

I went home quickly because I was really late and lucky me, my dad was out and my sister slept while watching cartoons so I picked her up to her room and I went directly to my bed I was exhausted, school and work was s a really tough combination .

As I lay down in the dark, I had every gesture, every mannerism of him in my mind. I kept smiling every time I remember the way he walks while running his hand through his hair .I liked how he held me with fear when we wanted to cross the street. those images were like a shining light in my mind that touched my lonely moments .

chapter four

They say birthdays are basically another day where you work and people suddenly start giving you much love . well I believe that I'm as old as I think and growing up is overrated.

Today I'm seventeen years old and it 's not even close to what I expected. My birthday used to be the birthday of the year when everyone wished to be invited in high school . What I found most beautiful about my birthday being in beginning of the year is that it was the perfect time to have a new check list of this year's goals and reflect what I want to achieve .

That morning was dazzling, I decided to skip school and I went directly to the hospital. I wanted to spend the day with her or at least a part of it. My mum isn't only a mum, she turned a house into a home, she used to teach, guide and she was there through all my strife, she is my precious soul. Once I got in, I saw her laying there without any movement or reaction she was exquisite even if only machines and medicines kept her body working. I held her hand and it felt lifeless like she is dead already, I couldn't feel any more feeble and atrocious and somehow I felt like I'm visiting a grave. I wish I could give her a part of me just to have her back with us.

I tried to accept my emotions and keep it together no matter what . They say talking about your grief will make you feel better, well it wasn't the case for me. I'm not the type of person who shares their feelings, specially weakness. I always show everyone that I'm keeping it together even if I didn't feel so lately. the only gift I wanted was my old life back and all those moments I never appreciated as they say " you never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory " .

" mum please get back to us. You gave me the roots of responsibility and independence but I'm terrified and I'm losing control over the family. I found a job at a bar and I know you will be furious at me about it but that's the only solution for the bills even it's not enough . Dad is getting worst day by day and talking to him is almost impossible. I need you. I 'm sorry mum I have to go now. " I gave her a kiss on her forehead and left .

I spent hours with mum without paying attention to time so I had to rush in order to take care of the house and silver and then go to work. Adam was the candle that lightened this darkness I 'm living in. As I got done at home, I dressed up and went to work . Once I got in my friends screamed " Happy birthday" . I was shocked " what is this ? how did they know this place ? oh my god I may get fired for this and they are all under age " . I went quickly and took them out, it was sort of rude to ask them to leave with the promise of a small party later but I had to do it for my job .

As I went to work Adam came toward me and he said with a shy smile " Happy birthday love, you will finish early today and I'm inviting you for dinner ". he kissed my check softly and he left. I felt my heart melting, it was exciting and unforeseen .

While working that day, I had every details of him in my mind, his eyes, his hair, his lips, everything.

I looked at him several times and I couldn't wait to finish my shift. Later I met Heather again, as I served her she asked me about my news, I told her " it have been hard working here and going to high school but I'm getting well with it ", she seemed surprised and she asked me with a fast tone " school and a bar? How is that ?" I replied shortly "it's my family,we have some financial problems so I need to support them" . I wanted to keep my answers short because I didn't know her enough to share everything with her. And I said smiling "it happens that today is my birthday ". By then she got up fast, she gave me a big hug and she wished me a happy birthday and she said with a dazzling smile " we must party " .

while we were talking I noticed Adam talking to a girl, I couldn't notice all her details well, she was a blond with a beautiful hair and a very tight, short dress .I couldn't take off my eyes off them . suddenly Heather asked me while looking at him " are you two dating" ? once she asked I got confused and I said "no we are not, but I think there might be something going on soon ". There were so many hot ladies in the bar but heather was unique, she was sexy but she knew how to exactly use it, I noticed that she manipulated men, men I admired. the conversation with her was so fun but she had to go and before she left, she asked me to go out together tomorrow for shopping in order to get to know each other more, and I instantly agreed and we exchanged phone-numbers to stay in touch .

As I finished work, I went in the back room and I tried to enhance my look for the dinner, I was stressed and luckily I had my make up bag " oh my god I wish I didn't wear this outfit". As I went out, he came towards me and he held my hands and he kept starring at my eyes which was intimidating and he said " you look so beautiful ,we will go somewhere you will definitely like ". As we went out of the bar, he walked next to me while holding my hip and he opened his car's door to me, he was very polite and he seemed very sagacious as I got in, he went quickly to the other door and he drove away.

He was silent all the way which was sort of confusing and he took me to restaurant near the sea . it was quiet, sort of romantic and not so full.

He stepped out and he opened the door and he held my hand as we walked in. we arrived to our table and he pulled out the chair for me, as I sat, he was facing me and he held my cold hands and he started warming them up while gazing at my eyes and I told him " I 'm not used to look at people's eyes, it makes me shy " .He said " you are an angel ", I was already shy and I just smiled with idiocy.

He asked me about what I want to eat, I was confused so I asked him to order for me and I couldn't even eat. Later I plucked up the courage to ask him about his family . he said " what can I say about my family ? my mum Sophie is the most caring in the world, my dad died two years ago so my mum decided that we should move her in order to get closer to my grandma. she is the only family member we have left, I have one brother who is younger than me, his name is Ryan,15 years old, that's all I could think about for now, besides thinking about you ".

I didn't know what to say, I wanted to ask him more but my brain got frozen suddenly .he was playing with his hands a lot, I guess he was stressed as I was. I kept exploring the depth of everything in him, he had a peaceful beauty but a touch of grief and everything about him told me that he was intelligent and already aware of how I feel about him . At that moment I could think about every place in the world where I could be, but I was with him and I liked it .

chapter five

After a while as we walked out, he held me by my hips and taking a look at me from while to while, he said with a soft smile " I will take you somewhere I used to visit as a kid, I 'm sure you will love it ".

We kept walking for a while to arrive to an old park, empty, dark and cold with few huge trees which was weirdly romanticizing the moment .

We sat on one of those old woody park chairs and he couldn't take his eyes of me, I was looking to an old huge tree in front of me and then suddenly he turned me slowly to face him and he kept gazing at my eyes for few seconds which seemed like forever to me.

He held my both hands and kissed it often. He was sweet but calm and the touch of his lips gave me an infinite desire.

I asked him about the blond I saw with him earlier . " is she your girlfriend ?" he replied "who ?"

I looked away and I said " the girl with blond hair at the bar, I saw the way you were looking at each other's eyes .."

He replied she is a past, my ex, I will tell you all about it later. We are friends now and she just needed my help with something.

Suddenly something moved inside of me, my whole mood changed, I didn't know what happened , I kept saying to myself that's he is free to do and be with whom he wants. But I couldn't be fine about her, I liked him beyond possible.

He noticed that my mood is different that I 'm more silent and my face expressions are more static

He tried to make me laugh but it was obviously fake smiles . And desperately he started making funny and cute faces which immediately brought back a small smile.

He said "I never thought I'd see you smile, "

" that one was on the house, If you want to see another smile you'll have to pay" I quipped as the smile fled from my face.

"Don't be like that" he responded with puppy eyes.

he continued " you won't show me your smile ?" what would you accept to smile ? "

I replied " well take a guess or propose something that is worth my smile "

He kept starring at my eyes for a while, holding my hands and without saying anything, I didn't know what to do and every time I took off my face of him to look away he would return it back to face him and I said with a smile why are you looking at me ? "

" because I admire you and you finally smiled "

I replied " well you didn't pay for it "

he kept silent as he suddenly stood up and the he asked me to stand up as well

Adam put a hand on my waist, pulling me into his embrace. "A payment, a reward ,hmm yes. A kiss, perhaps?"

"A kiss?" my brain was mush, the acerbic wit I had honed over the years vanished.

I hesitated, eyes closed to the temptation of Adam's captivating eyes. Taking advantage of the moment, he caressed my cheek, pulling my face close. Before I could say no, before I could find the sense to even think no, I felt the heat of his mouth upon mine.

With that one touch, all recriminations were forgotten. my skin tingled in response to the caress of his long fingers, trailing softly down my neck. I leaned obsequiously into his muscular frame. Control of the situation was his, and I would follow where he led.

my lips parted in response to the pressure of his tongue. I traced my fingers through Adam's inky locks. Warmth flooded my senses, settling into my stomach. I fought to control my racing heart but I couldn't break the connection.

Sneaking quickly, I ran quietly to my bed, as I jumped to lay on it while looking at the moon by the window . I had every moment, every image from tonight in my head, I could still smell his perfume on my hands, the touch of his fingers on my neck, the sound of his breath couldn't leave my ear.

It was like magic, the kind that drove me away from reality. I was looking at the roof top and I saw the little stars I drawn on it when I was a kid, white, yellow and even pink stars " seriously what kind of kids draws pink stars .. ? " . Oh well that was me. Those little starts drawn me back to my reality to my dad, mum, bills .everything came back in a heat beat.

Adam gave me so much memories in a short while, emotions I have never felt before so I decided to start a diary . to write about it all, about those little moments that lightened up my days. Those memories were worth to be remembered.

The next morning I woke up on my dad screams and my little sister crying . I went fast down stairs to see what's going on, it was the rent guy again and my dad pushing him out saying he won't pay a cent . I didn't know what to do, I didn't have all the money, and if I don't find a solution fast, we will live in the streets soon enough.

I went running to him, begging him to forgive my dad's behavior and I gave him all the money I had, it was nearly the half of what we need to give him . I begged him crying to give me a little more time to pay the rest. he was frustrated but surprisingly he accepted, it was definitely just pity. I knew that every time I have a little brightness in my life something had to ruin it .

I took my sister to school and on the way back I met heather. she hugged me tightly and she said " you look tired , just smile girl you don't have all the problems in the world " I breath heavily and I asked her about her news , before she answer she said " let's go for coffee are you free ? ".I wasn't fine at all and if I go home I'll have to fight dad again so I accepted her offer . She was classy with infinite beauty and again she catch up everyone's attention. she seems like an innocent girl, clever but with a touch of crafty.

We went to a nice café nearby, we kept chatting about everything from my problems to Hollywood stars and food restaurants . I told her everything about my problems with my tears in my eyes, she had a trusty figure .she told me she works in a wedding dresses shop and for some reasons, she didn't seem like she works there, she had expensive clothes , jewelry, I thought " maybe her parents are rich but then why she works there ? "

As we went out of there, she told me she can help me solve all of this but I have to be willing to do whatever it takes . her words were confusing and sort of scary, she said I' m a sex worker. I couldn't believe it , she seemed classy and clean and she didn't give the impression to be like that at all . I kept saying " why ... why this "

My face gave her all the confusion I felt without any words, she told me she never had any financial problems, neither the rent or other bills and she can help me solve mine .Right before she left she asked me to think about it. " don't be afraid, most of the fears are only in your head and someday I will tell you my story".

While walking home, I had a mixture of feeling, confusion, grief and I thought deeply .Heather isn't rich by any means, most sex workers aren't but they were secure. Of course, I wasn't so stupid to think their jobs were easy. the fact that they could juggle both the outside prejudice and the layers of deceit their profession required was... all of that was sort of inspiring to me.