An open letter to the one who made me fear love.
I rejected one more guy today. No, not that he was not good enough.I have known him for a long time, and he cares about me a lot. But I can't stake someone's feelings to serve my purpose, can I? You know this guy looks a lot like you, and his behavior totally resembles yours! He runs his hand through his hair frequently - just like you, he likes just a tablespoon of sugar in his coffee - just like you and he loves me - maybe not like you.
Its been a long time, and I swear I have compared every man I have met till date with you. I remember falling in love with you, clearly from the very beginning. Remember how you used to flirt around me? Oh, you were miserable at that! How can I forget those memories? It suffocates, it hurts inside. I tried hard, I tried cigarettes, I tried alcohol, but nothing worked for me. How did you move on so soon? I'm envious. Did you use some magic potion? If yes, then please tell me about it too.
I saw you with her the other day and I felt like I was stabbed straight in the heart. But then I realized, you don't belong to me anymore.I have lived with this pain for years now, and the wounds are as fresh as they were. I yearn love, I crave to have that trust on somebody again. I wish you hadn't left me broken, I wish you hadn't broken down my walls, I wish I could fall in love again. Where did I go wrong? Did I nag too much? Or were my insecurities bothering you? Or wasn't I beautiful enough to keep you? Yes, I hated that girl around you, the one whom you're dating now. I always knew she had a thing for you.
I hope you're happy. I don't love you anymore, but I don't love anybody else either. And its killing me inside, the craving to be in love and the fear pushing me away from it. I feel lonely, sometimes. Sometimes, I sit at my window and read those bright pages of my diary when I was in love, with you. But then everything slowly turns ugly, and I read those pages too because I'm used to this pain. It does provide solace from my loneliness, temporarily.
I'm thankful to you to make me fall in love, to introduce me to that beautiful, magical feeling. And I did love you. But now, I don't. Because when you left, you took away with you that part of me which was capable of love.
From
Someone you never loved.