To Plunge In The Pool

July 2012

There is something enigmatic about jumping in the water; for some its fear, for others is comfort, but it’s exhilarating for all. I think it’s the core concept of humans being land mammals who have taught themselves to be pseudo amphibious creatures, because they realised early on that the world is more water than land. To plunge oneself in the pool can be an act of confidence, valor, necessity or sometimes just a leap of faith. I am, however, not just talking about the neighbourhood swimming pools or the ocean, but parallelising the human relationship with our pools of emotions.

Recently over a debate, with close family and friends, about the next generation marriages, many concerns surfaced. Concerns from both, the parents and the youths. With the changing times and social statuses, differences in opinions and perspectives have made the sanctity of marriage into a more of a social contract between two people/families on a thin paper with faded ink. The divorce rates are high; young married couples unhappy and parents supporting individualism, rather than teamwork amongst the spouses. I, personally, don’t think it’s the lack of love or respect that has led to such circumstances, but our new need of being comfortable, secure and happy from the get go. People want a successful marriage before even entering into it. And once they are part of it, if the marriage falls short of any expectations they might have had, (simple or outrageous) they want no part of it anymore. The phrase working on a marriage has been replaces with working with a marriage.

Coming back to my pool analogy, I feel people always want to test the water before diving in. The idea of throwing yourself into the water without knowing the depth or the temperature seems absolutely absurd. The fear of discomfort or drowning takes over. Amongst the different water bodies paralleled with relationships, marriage is like the ocean, cold and deep. Jumping into the middle of the ocean, without knowing the temperature and the depth is definitely a ridiculous thought, and yet we find people doing that all the time. People plunging themselves into the ocean, do not touch the water with their toes and find the water too cold, and then back out. They don’t just splash a little water on themselves, feel uncomfortable and then back out. They definitely don’t back out because their feet cant find firm ground beneath them. They swim, paddle their legs and work their arms, use their strengths to keep afloat. The ocean doesn’t change its temperature, but our body adjusts itself and becomes warm and comfortable. Once we figure out how to keep our heads above the water, the fear vanishes and the bliss of the grandness of the ocean takes over. The depth that was so scary starts to intrigue us. A shallow swimming pool can give you the comfort of desired temperature and firm foothold, but never the satisfaction of the epic nature of the ocean.

I want to make it clear that it is not the person in the relationship that is being compared to the vast and unknown ocean, but the relationship between the two people. This is not an essay glorifying the old era of arrange marriages, neither is it advocating the new age of love before marriage. I just feel that people have just stopped taking the risk of ‘not knowing’. The comfort of knowledge about every little detail before committing to someone seems to be the only way to so called plunge in the ocean. However, that is just not possible. Even after all the years, one can never be too sure about the contents or the depth of an ocean or a marriage. It’s the courage to keep afloat and explore the ocean, to start enjoying the new things that this ocean has to offer, seems to be the only key to survive the ocean of marriage.

The scary part about the ocean as oppose to our shielded swimming pool, is that it has many perils, discomfort and no exit strategy. However, a marriage with an exit strategy, to me, seems to have failed before it even began. Tough incidents happen in life, unexpected storms are always regretted and sometimes the ocean itself can swallow you whole. At times like these, people sometimes need help, support or even rescuing. But one cannot plunge into the ocean and expect to be satisfied with a pessimistic attitude. This attitude of feeling secure even before trying, quitting even before struggling, drowning even before swimming can never lead to enjoying the ocean. The beauty of the ocean and the marriage is the unknown and the risks that come with the unknown. By trying to figure it all out even before going in, or to freak out at the very first wave that hits you on the face, will only lead you on the path of disappointment and/or regret. Taking a leap of faith or plunging into the deep end of the ocean, a relationship can only last as long as we jump high or swim hard without worrying about where that might take us. Be cautious with whom you want to plunge into the ocean with, but unless you are sure that you can make it in the ocean by yourself, you cannot afford to jump in with someone else. And whether you know the person you are plunging in the ocean with really well or not, it is necessary for you too find out that he/she is ready to make that jump with you!