I can't spoil the fun now, can I?
The pretentious smile should continue
Those force laughs should never stop.
Even when tears are about to fall,
Even when it's so painful inside that I can't bear it anymore,
I have to keep smiling and laughing
I have to show everyone that I'm fine
Because I don't want them to worry about me,
I don't want to ruin the moment.
I have to limit myself from being too emotional and dramatic.
I have to limit myself from tweeting my emotions.
I have to hide this loneliness that I'm feeling.
I don't want to spread negativity in their happy faces,
I don't want their smile to fade away because of me,
I'd rather suffer alone without them knowing it.
I am being eaten by the monsters of depression
I can feel sadness for no reason
I don't even trust myself anymore.
Can I get out of this?
I cannot even save myself in this darkness
My self-comfort is not working.
Yes, no one seems to hear my scream.
That no matter how hard I try to escape,
No matter how strong I pretend to be,
I am not enough to save my own self.
Maybe I'm not really meant to get better
Maybe I'm not really meant to be saved
Maybe... I'm destined to suffer this way.
If someone could just notice my misery,
If someone could just feel my agony,
If someone could just have the courage to look into my eyes,
If someone could just be willing to help me,
Then, I might be saved
I might be able to get out in this cage
I might be able to see the light in this darkness
I might be able to save myself
I might be able to smile genuinely again
I might be able to... be more happy.
But the truth is, no one cares.
**