Rage Against the Dying of the Light

In a ghastly town of Norfus, a girl stood languidly with her back pressed against the cold concrete facade of an abandoned complex, plastered maliciously with a thousand nonsensical ads and vandals. The place was damp and weary to look at and the air came in like sharply-pronged needles, making her cheeks red and patchy. 

"Fuck--this town", she uttered in between cold snots as she wiped her pointed nose with her bare hands.

As she panned the strip of Alt Boulevard, the highway that cuts across the entirety of Norfus, she let out a long sigh. The town seemed dead. If it weren't for Old Kushman's Burger joint being open across the Alt, she would've thought the town was nothing but collected pieces of concrete and blank souls. A minute passed and her hands quickly reached to her right coat pocket. She fished for a pack of cigarettes and a beat-up lighter. As she flicked the lighter open, she took a long first drag of the cigarette. She didn't blew out the smoke for the longest time possible and held it in until her throat felt dry like an arid desert. She coughed so much that she almost threw up on the grimy sidewalk.

She tried to wipe the tears mixed with the clumped gunk of eyeliner and tried to compose herself. Soon, she realized that a little boy, probably around age 9 or so, was staring blankly at her. She tried to ignore him for a minute and took a second drag from her half-burnt cigarette.

The boy was still there. Staring blankly, but mostly wondering.

"Isn't that bad for you?", the boy asked.

"It is", she replied with a monotonous manner.

"Then why do you do it if it's bad for you? I don't understand", asked the boy with curious eyes.

She wanted to walk away out of annoyance but she was too tired and too withered to look for another cold concrete to press her back against with. So she stuck around and sat on the damp sidewalk, without having a care as to what kind of dirt and grime would end up on her coat.

She motioned for the boy to sit down next to her. The boy then came closer and laid out a ragged cardboard box he got from the near dumpster. He then sat next to her.

"What a prim little tot, you are", she let out a mild laugh as she find the boy's manners a wee bit entertaining.

"Then why do you do it? I don't quite understand. Please, tell me", the boy said.

"Not all that is destructive is grisly. Sometimes, what is morally revolting can be the most beautiful kind of rebellion. A rebellion that someone needs to rebirth oneself. To find solace in a place where no one but only you can understand", she replied as she took a last drag from her cigarette before putting it out.

"How does it feel to be rebirthed?", the boy asked with genuine curiosity.

"I don't know. I haven't arrived there yet", she said as she closed her eyes and felt the cold breeze press against her face.

"How long will it take you to get there?", the boy asked again while he closed his eyes as well, as if imitating her.

"Not sure, but I'm almost there. Almost--", she then replied and let out a deep sigh.

She opened her eyes slowly and noticed that the boy was gone. All was left was the ragged cardboard he sat on. She panned the Alt to find him and forgot that her pack of cigarettes was placed on her lap. As she stood up, the pack fell open onto the damp sidewalk. She crouched to pick it up and noticed that a white daisy fell out. The daisy has a note attached to and said: 

                   "Little, Big: Book 2, Chapter 4, pp. 176-178, J. Crowley"

                                  -Thank you for telling me. Almost.

She also noticed that all the cigarettes in her pack were gone. She paused for a moment, felt a chill at the back of her neck, and thought about the note. She was sure that it came from the little boy. She began to walk, her shuffled steps becoming more rapid as she breathe in the cold Norfus air. She walked in a brisk manner as the cold pavement brushed past her run-down boots but suddenly, her feet started to move in a much faster pace. 

Almost. Almost. Almost.

The last word in the note ringing repeatedly in her ear--as if it was directing her somewhere. She then broke into a run. After a while of running, she felt a pang in her lungs. The burning sensation on her chest made her stop. She held onto the ice-cold lampost and crouched, trying to compensate for all the air she lost. Once she composed herself, she looked up and noticed that she ended up in front of the public library. Few people were walking in and out of the creaky and rusty revolving door. She stood up and entered the library, still with the white daisy attached with a note on her half-frozen hand.

The librarian, Miss Pennse, didn't even look at her as she was preoccupied with stamping library documents. The librarian uttered, still stamping, 

"We're about to close in an hour. Do what you gotta do, hun."

She nodded and darted off to the shelves and started to look for the book.

"Crowley...C---C---C---Oh!" She spotted the book without difficulty since she frequented libraries when she's bored.

She flipped the book open to Chapter 4 and skimmed through it. She found the paragraph in the page written in the note and read:

"Daily Alice couldn't tell if she felt huge or small. She wondered whether her head was so big as to be able to contain all the starry universe, or whether the universe were so little that it would fit within the compass of her human head. She alternated between these feelings, expanding and diminishing. The stars wandered in and out of the vast portals of her eyes, under the immense empty dome of her brow;"

She felt tears welling up in her eyes and felt its warmth as it rolled down to her cheeks. She didn't know why but the words of J. Crowley hit something within her--leaving her with her own inexplicable thoughts. She wiped her tears and continued to read but she noticed something.

At the foot of the page, there was a note, penned down in red ink. 

"Your rebellion was beautiful. My question as to why you did it, wasn't an imposition but rather a curiosity. I wanted you to know that the most beautiful and brilliant things start as small, just like how Daily Alice wondered whether she was. Your head must have contained a million stars capable of a universe, behind all that cigar smoke. Just like Daily Alice, you felt in between things--either expanding or diminishing. You weren't. You are at the end of both things. You were growing, brightening even. Lastly, I took all your cigarettes to end your rebellion for you to be rebirthed. It was beautiful and grisly but I believed that when you said, Almost---

You were already there. "

She held her tears back and managed to crack a little smile. She then held the copy of J. Crowley's book close to her chest and said--

"What a smart little tot."