There was a reason I desperately clung on to you. There was a reason why I couldn't let go, even though I was fully aware of the end. There were reasons and plans and unfulfilled wishes which have become irrelevant now that I've become just another awkward contact for you to avoid.
Reasons which crumble slowly, smiling wistfully in front of the happy life you now have without me. Maybe you'd presume you know the reasons. Sorry to burst your bubble, my Granger but you don't.
I trusted you and opened up about my shames and pains, fully aware I was emptying parts of myself. Trusting you with them even though I was aware of inevitability of being left empty in the end. This cursed inevitability tortured me silently even in the moments I was supposed to enjoy and live.
Call me lunatic, for now I'm slowly becoming one. If not for my mindset that you so subtly indicated to be outdated and stagnant, I would have lost my sanity long ago.
But I've realised the depth of my love after the separation. I'm just scared of becoming the armour I'm trying to hide into.
I've convinced myself that to trust any person anymore is to forfeit parts of myself to them, for what hurts most is not the betrayal but the pretence of care. Live. live well and happy, my love. For maybe seeing you happy the way you are now 'll delay me fading away with regrets and unspoken apologies.
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