I decided to stop again. I decided to stop worrying. I decided to hit the stop button and take some time for myself. I stopped thinking of all the unworthy things. I stopped thinking of what tomorrow would be and just focused on today's offers. I stopped worrying about work and relationship. I just want to be well. And it's working.
I stopped thinking about the maybes. About the what if's of life. I even stopped dreaming. My world won't fall apart if I stopped craving for the things that I am unsure of. Let the bills multiple. Let the worries die. Let them take care of me because I am so done caring for them.
I pretended to be sick. I really am sick but I am adding a little bit of extra spices to color my excuses. I don't care if don't believe it. I believed in myself. I know that there are things that I have to let go. First, I have to let go of the things that are no longer benificial to me.
I stopped going to work. I know that I will suffer in the near future but I honestly don't mind. Others are surviving with limited income so why can't I? I am completely placing my fate in the hands of my friends and self proclaimed family and it feels so good. I don't care if I starve tomorrow. Atleast I attained some peace of mind today. My body is giving up so I know what must be done. I won't force myself anymore. I'll follow my heart this time.
I decided to stop because I know that if I don't, my death is about to happen. And I don't want to die young. I still so much things to do. I just want to feel a little bettet. Just a little and then, I'll fight again.
Retreat is not a showcase of fear. Defeat is not a symbol of weakness. And letting go of things is not a sin.
I stopped because I need to. And I wanted it so bad. And when I am ready, I'll get up with a bigger muscle to start.