Scent of Rain

I sat upon his chest with the weight of my heart and touched his lips with my fingertips. He gasped for air and I breathed in him my words of love. He grabs the sheets and flew the pillows across the room, why is he struggling? I look upon his eyes and I see suffering, why is he struggling? He gasped for more air but I shut his mouth. Then his eyes drew a soft consistency of tears as he laid eyes on mine…

CHAPTER 1

“Honey, could you please pass the maple syrup?” Dan requested as his little girl gazed upon him with a silly smile. I enjoyed the very sight of this father and daughter thing I see every morning. Brielle is the sweetest munchkin ever—intelligent, street smart and very pretty. The moment I laid eyes on her, she reminded me of who I was as a child. I’d like to think she takes after me than her father. I look at Dan and I see a fulfilled man, not rich but he gets by and makes sure that the family has everything they need. I missed tucking his hair when their waves get frisky until Dan decided to shave them all off cause he’s losing his hairline pretty fast at 35. His jaw fit nicely in my hands but the stubbles on his cheek irritates both me and Brielle.

Dan calls out and here comes the terror, Natalie. High-leather-heels CEO typa’ girl. Her skin is flawless, even eyebrows and everything any guy would want is her-if they can get through Dan. Dan is really protective. This Natalie, she’s the family’s command. She believes so as she can persuade anyone and anything to be in her favor. She never comes down for breakfast but when she does it’s a plateful of sour fruits that Brielle and I think is yuck. Every morning is like this-noisy, chaotic, happy and busy, but I enjoyed every moment of it. I wouldn’t exchange this moment for the world.

When everyone’s gone of course I am everywhere in the house. Nena comes in about 10 in the morning with her usual rituals to keep some spirits away with this allergy-inviting red sticks. ‘Incenso’ she calls them. But I take my hats off to this not-so-young woman she’s extremely good in maintaining the household and looking after Brielle as she gets home earlier than everyone else.

I just sit back and relax and wait for everyone else to come home.

Dinner is usual. Natalie on her laptop, Bee and her daddy with the silly jokes and me just watching the fun. Dan puts Brielle to bed and I take care of the rest as Dan heads back to the bedroom.

“How was school today?” as I cuddle her and tickle her with my nose. “Uhm my teacher gave me 2 stars. Well it was 3 but I made noise in the end of the activity and she took it back.”

“We had to read from this book and I read fast. She gave me three stars cause I was the best. But Clay was peeling them off my pad and so I go mad at him and teacher thought we were fighting so she took my star”. She added.

“Well I know you’re the best and you can earn that star again tomorrow.” Rectifying her complaint as I brushed her hair.

We heard footsteps outside Bee’s door and its daddy. “Pretend sleep…” she whispers and we both shut our eyes as the door squeak opened and closed.

Under the sheets, we giggled and went on whisper talking.

“Tell me the story again about the prince and peasant girl…” She says. How can I say no to her darling eyes-hazel and full of life.

“Once there was a huge banquet gathering in a kingdom as a memoriam of their queen that drove them to victory with her wit and charm. It was believed that after her King died of illness she led the people by her alone but she dies after her son became a young man. Many kingdoms attend this gathering every year as it was said that it was a time when the prince selects his princess amongst the crowd that came. The girls would come in their most elegant ball gowns and wear their finest pieces of jewelry embedded with precious stones. Every year the prince waited for the perfect moment but he could never find his princess… One rainy evening, the prince got locked outside his balcony when a strong wind blew his door closed. He called out to the guard but no one could hear him as the wind blew so strong it sang like a concert in the entire a kingdom. He gave up and sat head down, curled up in a corner when he heard a commotion from the balcony--a peasant girl climbing the tree that barely shades bright marble floor of the terrace, making her way up the tree to reach the balcony. ‘Are you alright Sire? I’ve come to open your door!’ ‘Do you have a key?’ the prince exclaimed. ‘No I’ve got something else!’ The peasant girl pulls out an unusual looking metal that looked like tools. She tinkered on the lock and click! The door opened. The prince was amazed with what he thought was talent. Right away he went in but as he turned to thank the girl she was at the tree again and made her way down. A lightning stroke in the balcony and fear clouded the Prince’s eyes. He shut the balcony door and…” I gazed at Bee and she’s not even asleep yet. “Please keep going, its Saturday tomorrow I don’t have to go to school…” She pleaded. “Oh yes!” I remembered and went on telling her the story with delight.

“The prince slept in the sweetest slumber and dreamt away. He heard a tiny knock on his window. ‘Oh yes it’s you my little friend’ as feeds crumbs of the Kingdom’s best biscuits made only for him. Every night the prince would dream about his quest and this sparrow that flies too close to the ground that seem to follow him around wherever he goes. He believes this sparrow was his charm of luck, a spirit animal that made sure he was alright…” And to my surprise she’s the one in slumber. That escalated quickly I thought. So much for no school on Saturdays! I planted a peck on her forehead and left.

Dan always sets the room in such low temperature. I hated it, but this past 7 years did not seem to matter. I’m always cold anyway. His cheeks were warm and I’ve learned to be really careful not to wake him. He’s such a light sleeper. I walk around the room and found a stack of papers on his desk. He never leaves papers lying around like that. He always made sure his area was tidy. Oh maybe its Natalie’s documents I thought. Then what fell upon my heart was the heavy letters in bold “Settlement-Agreement-Conditions-Attorney-Divorce”. I froze and thought ‘Is this why Dan had been losing weight?’ I looked back at him and all I could think of was Bee. She will be torn. I didn’t read further and went to Dan’s side where his lamp lit bright. I switched it off. But to my mistake, Dan awoke.

“Hmp.. (coughs) Did you switch off the lights?” He asked. “No I didn’t it had been off.”—the woman says. ‘Ooops. My bad…’ I thought, biting my lip and quietly watched him fall asleep again.

Marriage was no longer that sweet but in front of his daughter everything seemed perfect. I wish I could have the voice to ask him why? DIVORCE? Why? But I stayed quiet. Months came by and I’d hear Dan in the bathroom. Odd I thought as my eyes fell upon prescriptions after prescriptions and a collection of medicine bottles in the cubby behind the mirror. I only get one chance to single him out and speak up but I need enough courage, strength and hope. ‘Does he remember how much I love him?’ I’ve probably been gone from his life for a while. My presence as such was never enough. Do I have to make myself known that I still do exist and I’m still here for him? What do I do now? I snuck quietly behind the door so he wouldn’t hear me when I was startled with a man’s voice.

“Are you sure you want to do this now?”

“Shit Perry! Will you please say excuse you? And choose a better voice than that when you appear like that from nowhere? Be a little more human!” I exclaimed obviously annoyed.

“Get used to it” He mutters seemingly insulted.

Perry is a good friend of mine. He’s a watcher. He helps people like me complete missions so they say. It’s a strange world we all live in. But the afterlife has so much exchanges and negotiations that people will never see possible when they are alive as most of us allow destiny to write the story. Perry appears to me at most unlikely places and events. His height, dark skin and deep bass voice always frightens me. But he’s adorably funny at times.

Dan steps in the shower and to my relief at least he did not hear any of the conversation. I sit in the couch by the window. Rain poured and that stale smell of warm soil being smothered by water reminds me of the old days. Dan and I loved the rain. We played in the rain as kids. Got sick, got scolded by our parents. But once the runny nose is gone there we went once again. We waited for this season every year and we made sure we indulge in every drop of it in whatever way we can.

‘Hmm… He always smelled pleasant after bath. I miss him.’ I turn my head but I see his empty stare. He did lose a lot of weight. He eats alright. But why’s he like that? Then silence broke when terror and mischief came in.

“I’m going to the mall with some friends. I’ll be home late.” Yes Nat, of course. She couldn’t get rid of her social life and her addiction to attention. Bee came jumping up and down the bed with her raincoat and boots.

“Daddy! It’s raining! Lets go, Lets go!” She insisted. “Darling daddy’s not so well right now. I’d like to stay home.” He quietly talked to the little girl. “But Daddy every rain we see and go play outside.” She’s too cute when she stammers and jumbles up her words. But what made me wonder is why Dan turned her down. I feel weird. Like what kind of emotion is this? Its heavy. My chest felt uneasy and something went up to my throat then it seemed like something was pooling over my eyelids but there’s nothings there.

“Sadness.” Perry whispered. My eyes grew in shock.

“What the fuck Perry you’re still here?” I whispered. “You scared me…” “Get used to it.” He mutters and disappears again. I glanced at the father and daughter moment and decided to leave them alone for a while. But before I could step out of the door…

“Daddy I’ll tell you a story--about a prince looking for a princess.” She suggested. My eyes grew again and turned back standing frozen at the room’s corridor. I don’t think Dan is ready to hear that. I hope it doesn’t trigger anything. I went to the room and as Dan was making some hot milk, I immediately peeped at Bee and placed my index finger on my lip gesturing her not to tell Dan. Geez how could I forget to tell her to keep it secret? She zips her lips and shuts her mouth with her hand. And I turn the door shut.

“Shit. No.” Dropping my head onto my palm.

“Oh Daddy it’s just the wind.” I hear Bee coming in to my defense. I’m sure she saw her dad jerk from the loud bang I just made.

“Alright sweetie what was the story?”

Damn. I don’t think Brielle will keep it secret no more.

She went on… as I hear my own voice.

“Then the prince woke up and thought of the peasant girl who helped him. He felt the same feeling that his spirit animal gave him. He asked for a search for the whole Kingdom to find the girl. Every peasant girl were called into the palace to face a summon by the prince himself.. Everyone thought the prince must’ve gotten tired of the prettier girls but he couldn’t find her. One day the prince called for rain. He waited for such time. He thought, ‘Maybe if I wait for rain and let the storm lock me outside of my room perhaps she would come and rescue me again.’ But his dreams about the sparrow went on and on through the days. Rains came while an ongoing meeting was happening into the courts. The prince called everyone to stay in their rooms and for him not to be disturbed. The ministers wondered what wrong with him but went to follow his orders. The prince ran up to the balcony and waited for the strongest wind to blow and he was once again locked outside his room. He called out for the girl for help, but no one came. The rain blew all night, the prince was soaked. Dawn came, no girl. But he smelt a fragrance from a drying rain. Just like how rain smells like when it hits the soil. I tiny little bird chirped looking brightly at the prince. He awoke and saw the tree torn in half. He shrugged the bird and called for the guards. He asked when the tree was struck. The guards said it had long been that way since 2 months ago when the storm hit. It took the prince by surprise when he thought of the girl and asked the guard if anyone was hurt. The guards went to investigate and came with a lonesome return. A girl was hurt that night. ‘She is one of our maids who worked in the yards maintaining the flowers.’ A guard reported. The prince became sad. He sent everyone out and fell asleep I his tears. In his dream he found a girl’s silhouette knocking on the balcony door. Immediately he stood and no one was there but a tiny little bird that took off when he opened the door. The prince fell quiet. He now knew that legends were real—spirit animals or peasants that give their lives for who they love. That true love is not just found in kingdoms and in riches. True love is something that lasts beyond fear and death…”

CHAPTER 2

“Perry, are u here?” I whispered. “Perry…”

“Now you’re looking for me, finally.” Says a deep voice from the living room down stairs.

“I think Dan needs help. I think it’s time. He’s going through too much and I’ve seen it in him. He’s lost.” I said.

“You know there’s a big exchange we’re talking about here. It’s not gonna be easy as you think. There’s no assurance of you having emotions ever again and…” I cut Perry right there. “No Perry. This is what I need to do. I’ve been waiting for years.”

Perry stood in still in silence and rested his chin on his fingers.

“Okay, we need to let the Will of Man precede first.” He suggested.

“What? And how long do I have to wait?” I begged. But Perry disappeared and nowhere to find him.

The fights and the sleepless nights became more often. Bee had to be sent to her Aunt’s to rid her of the trauma. But I’m pretty sure none of that works. Her cries break my heart in pieces. Luckily Cecilia lives in the next neighborhood not too far from here and Dan is really close to his older sister like that, he calls her anytime. With all the chaos, Natalie left. I was expecting she would be the kind who would leave when it gets too much to handle.

Every day, I watched Dan. He got a lot weaker, emotionally disrupted until the marriage fell apart. Natalie never cared in denial of the truth and went on with her social lifestyle I never understood. I spent a lot of time with Brielle and made sure she didn’t notice the gravity of what’s going on. But I know her, she’s a smart girl. She knows. Often she wondered why her dad would no longer spend time with her and instead sent her to her grandparents or at her cousins on weekends. Sometimes she’d end up sleeping over there during school days. I would miss her and I know when she looks for me, but I can’t leave Dan. I can’t leave the house. I’m bound here. I waited and waited for Perry but he kept giving me clues. Luckily, waiting was my thing and I was actually patient though it felt like forever. Days and nights seem like one whole day colored in grey filters. It seemed to me like the days and months were infinite hours. The numbers became the only thing in my head, “when… how long…”

The smell of drying leaves and sun invites the children outside--its summer. Cecilia and the kids came to pick up Bee for a camping trip. I thought this travel would be really healthy for her being with her cousins. I watched the concern in her eyes as it took a glimpse of mine when she kissed her dad good bye. I blew her a kiss and waved. Dan without a word turned away and went in to the garage. What’s he doing I wondered, he drove off on his pick-up to run errands but held a seemingly familiar bunch of papers in his hands. “Divorce” rang in my head… I swallowed dry air in my throat but I shrugged, “Maybe not.”

I went up to the bedroom and lay on the bed. The sheets, the unforgettable smell of this man lingered. I laid my head on Dan’s pillow and I could feel the dampness of his tears on the linen cloth. But in my memory was his favorite aftershave since our teen years. Then the way he kissed me and how the stubbles from his cheek irritated by face, but sexy… I smiled closing my eyes, falling into my old memory of our passionate love affair.

“Sorry to interrupt the fantasy…” It’s the deep voice.

“Perry! Oh my God! I wasn’t fantasizing!” Immediately sitting up and tossing Dan’s pillow on the headboard. “Perry it’s not what you think…”

“Ha! Whatever woman, I’ve seen so much more than that.” He sarcastically grinned.

“I hate you.” I replied with a grin.

“Hear me, the Will of Man has granted your request but this comes with a great consequence. How much do you want Dan to be back?” He said.

Immediately I started calculating my losses and what Dan and Brielle would gain. Dan will be back, Brielle will no longer see me. No more Perry either. Day to day I will lose consistency and be unable to touch things. I will lose my senses and my emotions. In the end I will be like a molecule or not even. 1 gain for me, I get to choose what I’d like to be.

“I want to see Dan live his life again. Brielle will be fine. She will understand and she will have her daddy back. Yes. I’m sure I want this.” I whispered.

“Alright then, close your eyes and hold my hand. I will walk you through and eventually let go. Yu will feel my hand letting go. Let go. When you feel the weight of the darkness, and when you start to feel fear, think of what you are doing this for. Are you ready?”

“I’m ready Perry.”

Everything went black. My stomach turned upside down. I felt pricking into my skin that had long been deprived of senses. It hurt but it felt good. I heard voices screaming and I heard Pain scream to me like he was screaming into my face. Perry had a better voice. Pain smelt like guts covered in fresh blood, I didn’t dare open my eyes as I wasn’t sure what I’d see. I’d felt scared when it got extremely quiet then I heard Bitterness and Agony laughing like jokers. I took a glimpse with one eye and I saw these two lingering figures who were laughing at me. I imagined them like clowns—freaked me out as my imagination glorified my fears were real. Then I heard heavy footsteps while everything in the darkness was silenced like a fading orchestra. Death walked in. God, I didn’t want to even try to look so I shut my eyes tight. But it smelled like floral incense, like a lily or rose-scented version of Nena’s. I kept my eyes shut and a soft finger took my chin to look up. I couldn’t feel my body and I can feel Fear’s giggling in the back ground.

“You were looking for me…” Her whisper lingered with echoes but her breath was like berries.

“Death…” my lips muttered but without sound.

“What do you ask of me…” Again her sensual lingering echoing voice said. Then I remembered Perry’s reminder.

“I want him back… Take me in exchange. But I want him back.” I sucked up all my courage and opened my eyes to stare upon the eyes of death. It was deep crimson. Her skin was soft and mucky. It was pale and cold like mine. That part was at least familiar.

I could feel the burn in my chest and I hear my heartbeat. Louder and louder, I heard it. I felt so alive and revived then the merrymaking in my body stopped as I fell to the ground. My knees felt weak as I opened my eyes. I was back in Dan’s bed.

CHAPTER 3

Dan and Me ‘teen years’

“Shit I forgot to shave my legs.” I battled through my head while struggling to climb a steep rickety slide. We called this place the druggy park. Grafitti were on the walls but the place wasn’t a scary sight. In the afternoons it was quiet, and pleasant. Behind me was Dan who for sure was staring at my unsteady legs. “

CHAPTER 4

How I tried to make my spirit known to Dan (back to future)

CHAPTER 5

Dan in coma after accident. (back to past)

CHAPTER 6

Me losing touch, Dan beginning to remember the past. He never had forgotten. He doesn’t have amnesia. But he wanted to forget that love he once had.

*When u forget a loved one who died, they will no longer exist. But dan never forgot her, he just wanted to. She wouldn’t let him because Brielle was getting devastated. Brielle was my daughter not Natalie’s.

In exchange she gave her spirithood to become a soul, the scent of rain. Eventually before she fades away, Dan sees her and remembers her. All this time Dan suddenly realized she had always been there. But she no longer have her senses of touch or emotions. The only way Dan could keep her existence is to remember her through the eyes of their daughter.