There was a haunting silence, a silence to which no one had the answer except for the one person sitting on that brown rusty striped chair, to which the bottle was pointing. No one knew any answer to that, or even the sequence to how that devastating question would have that answered.
“Aziza” he silently repeated the name stemma gave out. There was a vague agony on Taman’s face. Seeing this Stemma soon regretted asking that odd question among all the things, scratching the past wound of Taman which was yet to heal. She opened her mouth to mummer an excuse but failed to find any. The dead silence broke when Taman’s crispy voice played her name again.
“Aziza, her name itself said for her. She was indeed the most beautiful thing I ever witnessed. Carefree as if there was nothing in the world that could tense her, create a crease on her forehead. And you know what she wanted to fly, fly up in the sky, high and above in those light fully blue clouds which always beguiled her by its charm. And she did, she did fly. “He said. The atmosphere turned around as the bottle, they knew asking this question of the past about Aziza can lead Taman into a violent suspension; he still hadn’t recovered from the fact that has hovered him. From the energetic, enjoyable moods it changed to seriousness, sympathy. All the heads turned to the voice of Taman who barely spoke of Aziza ,of which they were too eager to know, who she was ,how did she hold the capacity to ruin this boy Taman whom as they had known was affected by nothing not even with his all so worrying parents.
“She was a magic touch to my life. She came as no one in my life and in blinks of moments became my everything. There was not a day when I didn’t thought of her, obsessed by those brown eyes which looked this confidently in mine. That bouncy chocolate hair.”His voice broke after each word. Stemma tried to console him, “hush...you needn’t no one pushing you for this.try and relax now, don’t think about her. I promise I won’t ask you again.” He looked at her for confirmation but distracted as soon as he looked. There was nothing he could do about the sympathy that he evoked, while he did nothing, absolutely nothing rather to keep him from himself. Just thinking what he did to deserve to face this.
“She shouldn’t have done this to me, we could have sorted out, I know we would have, I regret that I didn’t stemma, it is very hard to realise “his words only brought unsaid and unsolicited misery. She putted a finger across his mouth to shut him down, so that he did not have to go to that all again by narrating him this story.
“Guys, I think this is it, its late now you all should go .bye everyone, good night “stemma declared the end of the get together of which Taman too was a part. He was too dissolved in himself that he barely noticed the dispersal of the group.
“should I drop you home Taman? Would you prefer it?”stemma offered.
“no I can go all myself, you needn’t worry”
“Its your choice”
“Good night stemma”
Night Taman, just don’t over think. That’s all, everyone has a past you aren’t the first ,and I know that it can’t be your fault “stemma threw a piece of advice.
“you can’t tell that, you don’t even know what happened.” Taman protested
“Keep faith in yourself, you can share when you feel like. Ok maybe it’s just a month ,that I am acquainted with you and don’t know what the hell happened with you that brought you here .but still I can easily make out what guilt you are going on. Trust me when I say this that if a person regrets his acts this much it was for sure it was not done intentionally. “Stemma feigns
“I don’t know” he excuses himself and strides out of her house avoiding any further conversation. He takes the stairs skipping one and jumping two at a time. Chilled air greeted him as soon he made his way out to the road parallel to stemma’s apartment looking for his Audi.
“These things are hard to burry inside don’t you think?”He heard her voice, Aziza’s voice boosting inside his head. It was not exactly the same jingling voice, which he longed for, but still his memory did not do a bad recall. Not again, I cannot handle any more.
“Which things?”he heard himself say in his memory and all those buried memory as any other night came running aside.
“You know...why just you don’t accept it?”Aziza jingling voice persuaded. He remembered being in this favourite motel of theirs which they discovered and at times loved to visit. He put down his glass of coke on table and looked back at those brown eyes with the same confident eyes.
“I would for sure accept anything you say me to say, but first you need to tell me” Taman spoke with his eyes twinkling with anxiety. A smile stretched at her lips at the game that was coming around.
“Oh really! What it is that I need to tell you so that you can accept it?”Her voice was music to his ears.
“You like playing games so much Aziza, these side effects would harm me for certain if not you.”
“ya I do, don’t change the topic. Come back to the point” at this Taman got hold of her hand.
“Ok enough of playing around with words I want you to tell me that you love me” Aziza’s expression changed it was actually more of excitement than of happiness , she gently tucked her other hand under his sweaty palms and reassured him.
“why can’t it be you first “she challenged . Taman’s grin expanded.
“My mother taught me the rule..Haven’t you heard it ? LADIES FIRST?” he emphasized on the word ladies first. She gave him a look AH-WHAT-WILL-I-DO-WITH-YOU type of look, to which Taman pouted.
“fine, I want you to accept that I love you “her excited voice took the best patience out of her and she finally said the words out to him. The smiles that both possessed was mighty. As one would explode by the quantity they contained it. It was hard for Taman to hold him back from not crushing her into a hug . instead he preferred in completing the half confessed love.
“I do accept that you love me and I do accept that I love you more than you do to me.I want to tell you Aziza that I love you so much that I LOVE YOU isn’t the right word”
There were no words now, Aziza was already in Taman arms now, in his warm safety which was from now onwards her place-his arms. This was it, Taman was all his and she Taman’s. There was an unedifying bond between them and as it would appear to them was unbreakable.
“you have got to stop ,Taman you have all ready gulped down your throat god knows how many shots “Aziza with caring and motherhood expressions persuades Taman, and propelled Taman to escort him out of the door of the motel, he protested but didn’t resisted when he realised it was not that easily possible to ill behave , so instead he pushed his hand over his head to his left side and placed his hand on her shoulder.
“aah its mine day of celebrations, indeed, some of the days that always count as what you say..ah extravagantly extraordinary special day.” smile never faded from his lips ,he almost forgot that there are moods other than simply being happy in particular .
“you see the stars today so out of place, aren’t they? There are many today in the sky......what it is about the night today? Or is it every day but it’s just today that I am interested?”Taman voice emulsified with ecstasy and bewitches. She looked at him with beguiling attracting eyes,
“I think it is because, it is too celebrating, insane I am going with you! Poor me!”She exhilarated.
“oh really?”
She gives out a clear jingling giggle
“hmmm...yes “
“look whos talking, it was always you who affected me...didnt you ?you changed me a lot..”
“nah, its both of us who fixed each other for each other!”
“right, for both of us.”
“I love you”
I love you more”
And with that Taman takes her on her waist and lifts her in the air and with energetic spirit rotates her. Whirling her round, she placed both her hands on his upper arm for support taken aback by the sudden jolt of force by which he lifted her, and she guffawed in the most intoxicating beautiful laugh, which always made Taman days brighter even in the darkest of the days. He watched her like a hawk, afraid to take his eyes of her as if she would vanish if he even mistakably blinked. At that very peculiar moment there was no explanation of the happiness he felt, there was no words defining. Aziza was like his exorcist, shaking every fear out of him. That moment he knew he would just do anything to maintain that laugh and preserve it so that he never ever had to face any dark day at all.
He shook his head as the exquisite thought took over him, so that doing so he could remove the memory. He wished that he had that power in his hand to remove all the memory , but still was so relieved that he hadn’t for a cause he didn’t wanted to lose the only thing he possessed of her now , and that was her memories. That was exactly the day on which their love was given the name, was defined. Tears threaten and so he shook his head violently to not think of it again, he hated free moments now those pasts only threaten to re-identify his mistake, his loss. As he left those hallucinated memory and looked down at the asphalt.
There is no getting away from , it was just the days part he was getting. He looked down at the wathch he was wearing , 10:30 he noted, not that night but still dark enough for the place he wanted to go to.
He rubbed his hand against the other generating some heat, he huffed and white cold clouds came out from his mouth. Wiping the frost collected on the glass of the car, he put the car back into its life.
With slow steady steps he sat down on those tender green brown grass ,of the graveyard,the night was chilly very chilly, the dawn was far away and the dusk has already taken its place .beside the tomb he sat on which the name inscripted was of Aziza ikhtaiar,
There was no one other than himself and his company Aziza , buried within the element of the earth. Silence there was, with noo around to watch him, to mourn, but he wont as he thought.
The moon was there tonight though, accompanying him, if he thought. Then he took out her photo from his wallet. And looked at it with hawk like eyes just he would do if she was sitting in the same way as he was.
“I am sorry , I visited late, its quite high time isn’t it? But never mind I m glad I was able to come, no watch man you know.”he frowned, and lied parallel to her tomb. Eeverytime he did this from the past a year ,whenever he was in need of her, in memory of her ,in pain because of her he turned down here and came to her , even though she wouldn’t reply , he knew but still it was an imaginary pleause he felt knowing that somewhere atleast she would be listening to him .
“the moon look at her she is looking magnificient isn’t it?” and turned his head around to the tomb and then again back to the unlimited sky with innumerous stars. And he smiled then gaily , remembering something which was always the most beautiful thought he ever collected in his life ,ofcouse with her. Beneath him the parched yellow brown grass prickled him a bit, disturbing him, but it least bothered him.
“do you remember Aziza? These stars, what did u said ,,err ,um yeah you said they were celebrating, rejoicing our memorial day, our first evening together? Do you remember what day it is ?”he whispered in recalling tone ,blubbering after remembering short notes after much effort.
“ this day? 23rd of December? Our day ...it was all ours..the night you said me that you love me? The night which was so happening that I though it was some sort of my dream..which indeed you made it real..”
Ther was nothing more to say and he looked upon the sky ,seachin a face in those innumerous star, the star which truely entirely belonged to him, the star which was Aziza and she was always the biggest and shieniest and bright star as he would recognize after her beauty.
“she wanted to know about you Aziza ,...” he broke out in midsentence and then breathed a heavy sigh and then tried continuing the sentence “she ..stemma wanted to know about you, what should I do?shall I tell her?....would you like that.?”
There was no awkwardness in him talking to corpse buried within in the death of the night , talking to her as if she would give him suggestions.
“don’t worry , I think she would understand, she is nice,does everything ,I don’t think she would ever point out to me or you, it was neither of our fault , except that It was you who left me...and mind that I am still very angry with you for that matter..not that I haven’t forgiven you ....i can never do something to hurt you now ...because I already did and see this it what it resulted...i am extremely apologetic for it . I should have understood what you wanted. Understood that you wanted to fly..” his voice was barely audible by now as he stammered ,blocking upon those words realizing how he had talked to her last time..Regretting it all.
“I am sorry, I shouldn’t have...well stemma Is good .i think I can trust her, I do like her somewhat but never can love her more than you, maybe I can never love anyone as I did to you. Should I share? I haven’t told about you to anyone here ...not even a single one...but they have thoughts ..they guess about you wandering what happened with me..did I left you or you to me? How will they know that things were more aggravating deadly as it seems?”
He took her picture in one hand and touched it with other imagining her for real....those curls ...those same chocolate brown eyes...that beautiful face with a mole just beaneath her left ear.
“I think I should....it is long time with this emptiness...it is more satisfactory to be around her ..it is normal around her..what do you think?”
He gazed at the moon so crescent...the shiniest star that was Aziza..
“will u come today...in the dreams..tell me anything...you know you haven’t lately”he said in a low voice
He got up from the earth and stood infront of her tomb on his knees...
“I miss you Aziza ...very much ..i just keep on wishing for you..”
A tear fell from his eye and landed on her ...it evaporated as if she accepts that truth...the bitter one!
He got up and with steady steps..headed for the rusted doors ...the wind blowing opposite to them.just one last time he looked back from his shoulder and headed ,this time he had made his decision.
25 minutes late he was on the door of stemma. A knocking voice he made was heard by her and she opened the door lazily and there she was surprise and shock expressed on her face. He examined her, in fannel pyjamas and loose sweatshirt actually an oversized sweatshirt.
“I am sorry to disturb ...”he was interrupted by her
“hush...it is ok...wanna come in? Are you ok? Something up?”worried as she was she spoke
He came inside the warm safety of her small but cozy house...fire was throwing warm and circulating it around from the fire place and she pointed him to help himself on one of the couch beside the fire place.
“sit down....”stemma said softness applied in her already sweet voice.at the moment Taman thought what it would be to hear her shout or even if she did shouted, maybe thought of him as a demolisher, as a destructor...maybe even a murderer and found him guilty even though he wasn’t guity as for it wasn’t directly he who killed her, but then again he was haunted that he probably was the reason behind the distraction. I should not tell her, he decided for a certain moment looking at the wider perspective he discovered. Her look was serene and patient for his answer rather the explanation he ought to give her, for his late presence.
“I wanted to tell you something” he regained his sense.
“Hmm..Go on” stemma said. He fell silent so as to think from where to start , he looked at her, thinking looking at her might give him any clue about her mood for explanation. Why he was agitated telling her he wasn’t sure, but the feeling was there ,a lame feeling which shouldn’t have bothered him as she wasn’t a must purpose in his life ,or was she ?
“you wanted to know about Aziza. Didn’t you?”at this stemma reacted the way he would have guessed for, she took a better posture and was more alert to listen what Taman needed to speak over.
“yes, but only if you wanted to tell” stemma calmly replies. He looked at the fireplace where the golden flames were burning, radiating the heat, he needed and almost in an instant al the memories came back just like it happened yesterday and he were able to recollect all the minute details and each and every single word he blurted out.
“Aziza was my first love..indeed she was. We were in the same community and then strangly we started dating out, when and how I fell for her I didn’t know but one thing for sure I was that I was unconditionally in love with her and she too was with me. Every day we talked laughed and did everything what a perfect couple did but gradually everything fell over when we both got our jobs.”he paused for a breath but he daren’t look at stemma to gaze at her reaction as how she was taking it all down. Where as stemma she was simply and patiently listening trying to understand all the matter.
“I was given the job at vancouver of a software engineer and she ..she became a pilot. That was what she wished for, she wanted to fly .she was obsessed of those clouds and when she took the first flight I still remember how happy she was, there was no comparison to it. She was on 9th cloud.she celebrated we celebrated at that time I enjoyed her success as much as she did but then truely phased all the things cant go perfect for long. Success has its own sideeffects on other. She became proud of herself and there was no stopping her.from us it became me. She was flying and flying , our meetings were replaced by her flights she took more flights from one corner of the world to the other and it was from weeks we saw each other to months we saw each other. I could only work days and at night when I came home it was just that I would wait for any information she left me about her where abouts. There were days when she wouldn’t even tell me where did she flied.”
His voice was breaking off but still he continued.
“we would say every day to each other to how much we loved each other but after that there were weeks we wouldn’t talk to each other. Things and tie were ebbing away but still our love didn’t faded. There was still love. At time when she was free she used to call late at times, at day my job made me quite busy so it wasn’t very often we talked, but at night we did.”
“but somehow I grew frustrated, irritated ,insecure to an extent with time passing by. I longed for her , to see her. To say I love her. Days past by and so did weeks, our relation was growing weker but still we didn’t mentioned a word about it. Then one day she came to my house it was a surprise.” A smile came to Taman lips as he narrated , but there was an edge to it.
“I was too stuned at her presense, I was very happy that day because it was after 3 months I saw her.we talked and enjoyed did what we used to do before, but then something she said that she had to take a leave as she needed to go to airport her time was up and she had to fly to Washington.something she said like that and I was ...i wasn’t able to control myself and I told her all the things I felt.i told her that how by each passing day she weakened our realtion how her being an pilot hampered us. I asked her to leave what she does, leave this. I cant belive I asked her to do that. But I did. She protested that she wouldn’t leave it and I yelled at her shouted at her for leaving me like that , she too thundred at me , I told her all the nonsense that day , I broke her , completely broke her. She cried but she wouldn’t do what I asked her. She told me what fault I did have and I wasn’t able to control...control and then I told her that she loved her currier more than me and that I didn’t need her and she was the worst thing in my life , she wasn’t able to handle this she begged me for not doing this but I did, and we had our breakup.”he finally stopped.tears already welled up in his eyes.
Stemma was astounded to how to react what to tell she opened her mouth to shred some sympathy but then Taman spoke up again.
“she went, all upset and embarrassed and insulted, I dumped her, once she was gone realisation struck me what I did , and then I begged for her in valiantly to come back to forgive me what I said, but then she was gone. And then....then all at once I lost everything I possessed. I got punished for what I did.the plane she flew, got struck in a strom she wasn’t able to handle It altogether, it was all my fault , I said such horrible things to her, she died in that accident.”he stopped abruptly. Then stemma who was silent was by now, grasped. It was far worse than what she thought.
“I saw her dye, in that wretched hospital, she was alive till I came , she was dying....the last word she ever said to me was that she was sorry and that she never stopped loving me.”guilt flooded in him.
He was vaguely aware that he was crying now. He was aggravated by his feelings, he wished he could rewind the time now,make it all fine just as it was 3 years ago.
Stemma came to his side.
“I am sorry about her”stemma unable to speak too taken aback about his part of the past whispered. He was surprised by what came from her. How could she didn’t think bad of him? He was after all evil. Wasn’t he? He was the reason behing her being killed.
“don’t be” he mummered. They both were puzzled to what to say. Taman didn’t wanted to listen any thing that made him more worse, at that moment he was just too full of his mistake his guilt. only remorse.
None of them spoke. Stemma considered speaking anything would be of no use now, so she just went silent, giving him time to settle himself.
“would you like to stay alone?”she asked.he nodded and she went to her bedroom, where she wasn’t able to sleep, she was only able to think of Taman, how she thought wrong of him. She fidgeted on her bed, she too had breakups and dark days but none like this. She found it hard not to show any sympathy what she would only feel.she wasn’t able to engulf the fact that the person she love has such an dreadful and horrified past. She would make him forget , he would llearn to live , laugh again, she promised her self. Unable to sleep she went to the living room only to find Taman dead asleep on her sofa, she stared at him, and tried to peep in his ball of pain and guilt. She covered him in a blanket and left him there after an hour or so alone. She wodered what would have been his and Aziza realation.
Taman was dreaming by now.....he was on those forest lanes which he often visited alone, “Taman a voice echoed from behind, he turned back to only see his lost Aziza. She was a heart taking sight just as beautiful as he saw her, he stopped frozen. “Aziza?” he spoke.
“stemma is a wonderful girl, you need to step out from this , step out from the past. It was very gallant and nice that you spoke to her about us. And ia m not a sad part of your life, I was a just a passing cloud of your life which brought you shade, so one day I had to go.”
She came closer, her beauty radiating .”it wasn’t your fault after all, I knew you didn’t meant them, just go now. You have got your another chance, just try and not waste it. I always loved you and I also know you too love me....shh don’t stop now..”she was gone after that.
He opened his eyes. Found himself still asleep in her sofa.
“sorry I just slept on your sofa.”he said to stemma who was peeping on the door of her bedroom. She smiled slightly and he recalled what Aziza said. You got another chance, try not waste it.
he tried smiling back,she came to him, and sat beside him
“ it wasn’t your fault, you were just being normal , trust me”she said, and he hugged her for saying that.
“so you think I am not that evil?”he aked
“of couse not,it was just past, how can I blame you for this?you are and you will always be the same for me.”she said
“you will help?”
“in any way” and she smiled . he hugged her tighter accepting her, seeing Aziza in her. He would live again , once more for Aziza, the Aziza that was in stemma.