I have wondered so many times, how we would meet again.
I dreamt it will be on a busy cafe, me reading a book and you are getting your usual shot of espresso when you saw my bracelet and knew that it was me. We will chat for a short time but I didn't quite had my peace on the possibility that at that time, maybe it's already too late. Maybe that meeting in a cafe is just a moment given for us, for me, to realize how far we have separated and though I want you so much, you could never be mine.
The possibility bugged me, but I kept on dreaming.
Sometimes, it could also be on a train. Both of us on our way home and just a tiny ploy of the Universe, I was given a chance to look at your eyes once more. I knew you'd smile at me. And we'll chat cheerfully despite of the pressing bodies around us.
Or maybe in a supermarket? You the bachelor have no clue what kind of tampon to buy your sister. And I'll help you out of course. We'll then eat together and catch up with our lives, like old friends.
And they were many more. In an airplane, same flight towards the West Coast. In a gathering. In a wedding. In our Alumni Homecoming.
But out of all the possibilities, I have never thought I'd meet you like this,
In a stretcher, blood all around us and me doing my best to keep you alive.
Out of all times I have wished to know what's inside your heart, I never thought I'd be the one opening it up, taking out the bullet you took for the love of your life. While I was cutting up your chest, I held my breath and prayed hard for you to be okay again. Because I badly needed you to come back, I badly needed this last shot, I badly needed to hear your voice and see your smile again.
Out of all the times that I have fantasized about our second chance, I never thought it to be this way, you waking up, fully alive, thanking me for saving your life, and your wife, with your lovely family, asking me what they could do to relieve their debt.
I wanted to cry, raise my middle finger to the universe, scream at everyone, at anyone.
Why?
Why do I need to see you again?
Why do the Universe let this happen?
I looked at you, your eyes carrying that same glint and your presence affects me the same. But I swallowed my tears and took control of my emotions.
"Just seeing my patient alive and happy, it is already enough for me."
I went out, heaved a sigh and realized that's the closure that I unconsciously needed. So much for my happy ending but maybe, it's for the best. It doesn't matter where you are, or who you are with, as long as you are happy, it would always be enough for me.