Should I give up?

I've been hiding from the shadows for so many years. Afraid of the consequences that I have to face. At first, I thought it was my one and only comfort zone, but it was not. It's been so long since I was trap from the darkness. Greed, temptations, hunger evolved in my mind when I was on that place. That place called "misery." It lured me. And it kills me and will save me from my darkest pains. Its time ticks' always but moving backwards from the past.

I wanted to get out. I wanted to see and feel the light. But I can't! It keeps on pulling me backwards, to the past that I should have been forgotten a long time. It hurts so much. The pain. I wanted to cry. I wanted to die. 

And then I realized... "How will I get out of here?  Crying is not going to solve the problem either! Is there someone that could help me?!" And in that moment, I realized I was not alone. And it's not just somebody or someone, it's them. They were there.

At first I thought it was joke. Because who would have thought? They were afraid of loosing me. They were there watching me. And there I was, blinded by my own selfishness. They cared. They loved me with all my flaws, with all my mistakes and that is something that I should treasure for. What was I thinking? I must say, it was love that I was missing for.

Why does it have to be me? Why does it have to be me of all people that should be trapped in that place called misery? Well the truth is, life chooses me cause I'm capable of solving things. I'm more than what I know. Life chooses me cause I am not perfect. And yes, life chooses me I hate and love being me. 

Life is all about committing mistakes. It was never about how perfect you are. It was never about how pretty and handsome you are. It was never about how you would have become. It was never about people criticizing you for your doings. It was never about pleasing other people to like you nor to love you. It was never about them. It was all about you!

You see, life is like a bulb. It has to be controlled by somebody. They are the ones who will decide if that bulb should be switched on or off. They will not ask you if it's okay that you should be turned off. Your whole life is a mess because somebody has to control you. But you have a choice! It's up to you if you wanted to end your life just like that. Controlled by someone else.

I believe that there is life within you and that light will lead you to where you want to. Life is messy. Life is a maze. Life is whatever you wanted it to be. Life is short and you have to live it with all your heart. Seize the moment because you deserve it. And the last thing is, life is a whole lot of questions.

Why? I guess your about to find out.

xxJKDxx