Sink or Swim?

(This is a short part of the "novel" I was writing. Pardon me for all the grammatical errors. Thank you and enjoy!)

"I c-can't" I said towards to Leo. My voice was stuttering and I'm having a hard time in our position. I was clinging on his neck hugging him so tight and pressing myself so close to him. I can say that I am really terrified.

Yes. I'm scared because I can't feel anything beneath my feet except the cold water and his warm feet. And also, the fact that were here at a lake and I can't see anything beneath us. Thoughts of alligators and other wild, amphibious creatures might just pull us down and tear us into pieces.

"Calm down, baby.." He chuckled. I felt his warm breath touching my ear. "I'm here."

"Shut up, Leo." I tried to speak using a cold tone. Much colder than the lake water surrounding us.

I tried, yes. I tried to be cold towards him because I want him see that the 'thing' between us is wrong. We are together. Being affection towards each other. Though, He is with her. He's dating my best friend, while I am having intimate moment with him right now.

I don't want to hurt anyone, especially, Avinn— my best friend— but, I don't want to hurt myself, either. Yet, I have to. I rather hurt myself than others. Just to make them happy.

"We should stop this. Take me back to the lakeside." I told him.

"W-Why? We're just starting?" His lips pouted and his brows furrowed.

"You know what I'm talking about, L." I whispered and crammed my face on his neck. Despite of the smell of the lake water, his masculine scent remained and it tingles me.

His chest puffed as he gasp for air. I know ,for one thing, the reason why.. He didn't like what he heard from me and he's mad.

"No, Simoune." He said with his firm and authoritative voice. "I won't let that happen."

"L-Leo—"

"I know what I'm doing, Simoune. I know all the consequences after this. I know they'll be furious about it and, probably, get hurt, but, no.. I won't let go, baby" He emphasized every word he spoke and, like a hot iron, pressed it into my heart. Every single word.

I'm glad to hear it yet, it hurts. I don't want to be happy by hurting anyone. I can't take it. It was like something was gripping my heart and making it hard for me to breathe. Also, my conscience is killing me.

"Your'e just confused, Leo..You were in despair when you start dating her. After Ysa and you broke up, because of me, Avinn gave you something that caught your attention. Eventually, you got together.." I sighed." and there was me.. I'm frail and suddenly, I fell in this pit of mistakes. This is all wrong. A complete mistake that should be ended."

We remained on the same position. I hugged him tight. Not because I'm scared of drowning, but because I want us to stay this way for the last time. 

"No. You are confused." he seriously said. Still mad. "Your'e confused that's why you are pushing my away. If I leave you, would you be happy?"

With every words escaping from his mouth I tried to calm my heart from palpitating. My lips were so shaky so I bit it, not to suppress a smile or something, but to held myself together and not to break. Good thing we're wet and it isn't too obvious if I cry or not.

I searched for my voice just to answer that painful question.

"Yes—" Liar.

"That's bullshit, Simoune!" His voice raised. "You know you're not a good liar, baby. And we both know, we'll just end up hurting each other! But no, that would never happen. I won't. Never again.."

I can't help it anymore and my mourn turned into a sound as it escaped my lips. I was crying when I felt his face on my neck. 

"I w-won't let you go, no matter what.." he's voice cracked and there he was crying. The first time I ever saw him cried. It was because he love me that much.

'I love you so much too that I don't want to let you go.' I wanted to tell him but I can't. I don't want to be so selfish. I love my friends, I love Avinn but I also love him.

"Do you know that if we continue doing this, I don't know if I am able to stop this?" I whispered as I bit my lip to stop from shaking.

"Then don't. Don't stop. I would love to see your face as you deeply fall for me everyday." He said and my heart lose its control. Like a trigger was pulled close to it. The impact was so strong that I didn't manage to breathe for a few seconds.

We remained silent. No one dares to speak though we've got so much to say. No one dares to move though I want to do so much things to him.. with him. Kiss him. Lock him in my arms. Claim him for myself. Just for myself. Even, just for the moment..

It was I who broke the silence.

"What's the plan?" I calmly asked.

"Just like before." I felt his lips kissing my ear downwards my neck. I closed my eyes and my lips parted because of the sensation he was giving me. It was like he's planting little flame in my ear. On my jaw. My neck and tracing it to my shoulder. His small, light kisses were igniting a wild fire inside me. It's addicting.

"We'll eventually tell them..." he said as he continued tracing his kisses on my collar bone. "Slowly, like this..."

I shivered as I felt his light kisses changed to fiery ones. Much more addicting. I gasp for air and I bit my lips before a moan escape my lips.

"But as passionate as this.." he said before he claimed my lips, once again. His lips were soft, warm and ecstatic. It drives me crazy— he drives me crazy. The way he bit my lips are saying that no one can make me feel this way and no one can give me this sensation the way he do. He is claiming me and my whole identity. My heart. My soul. My body. My mind.. My everything.

"I'm s-sinking.." I told him when he ended the kiss. I felt his arms slowly losing it's wrap around my waist. I felt frightened. I clung on his neck tight but he is also sinking.

"L-Leo!" I shrieked in fear.

He has his boyish grin plastered on his lips. And I instantly, forgot how to breathe when he told me something before he pulled us down together.

"It's sink or swim, baby." he said "You'll sink deeply, and madly in love with me or swim and we'll swim together as we face the waves ahead of us. Either way, I like both of the ideas."