Social Masks

"I really like the way she speaks. So subtle yet so assertive"

"Did you see how she backed everything with logic? It's like she had an answer prepared for every possible question in that context!"

"She's hilarious! Her sarcastic answers left everyone speechless. Oh and she always does it with a straight face, mind you!"

"She's so learned. Talk about books, movies, politics, environment or anything for that matter and she always has something to contribute to the conversation!"

"I really like how she's so independent. Running her household, driving around the city, dressing up so well, standing her ground at work and home!"

I have often heard people showering women with praises such as these -- women who are not related to them by blood or conjugality. These women could be journalists, sports commentators, child's class teacher, friend's girlfriend, colleague, or someone they overheard at a bus stop. These people talk about women empowerment, equality, laws against rapists and physical violence and the like. They also share posts on social media talking about these issues. This is a particular class -- people who are known amongst their associates for respecting women.

But is the scenario same when it comes to women they live with/around? Do they praise their girlfriends when they say ‘no’ to something? Do they like it when they lose a debate with a female friend because she has statistics ready? Do they listen to their mothers when she advises them about the health consequences of their lifestyle? Do they admire their wives when she is being sarcastic or standing her ground and speaking her mind? Do they support their sisters when she’s announces she’ll be late? Most of the times, the answer is ‘no’!

Let me throw some light on this special class of people.

Their real face is starkly different from what they portray to be in public. When women at home do the same thing they praised a stranger for, it’s not bold or even acceptable any more. “It’s not something you do in families like ours”, “This is not how you speak to me”, “You can not have things your way”, or, “There's no place for your personal opinion here” are often remarks women get to hear when they try to be anything like women praised by these very people!

Their respect and praise is reserved for women they don’t have any personal relationship with. Their demands for social reform is for women outside their home. They talk of empowerment only to fit in -- because it’s the new sign of being ‘cool’! These are the people -- these are the people that march with candles for women who have been fortunate to get the attention of media and march on women who have been unfortunate to get their attention.

Beware of people like these. They are spreading like an epidemic. Mothers and sisters have no choice. But when (or if) you get to choose the people you want to spend your life with, don’t just judge them by what they say in public. Probe a little deeper and again, BEWARE!

I would put the shopkeeper who told me “women can not drive” over people who slyly ask women to take the passenger’s seat because at least he has the courage to speak his mind. Because he is not a hypocrite who can not be cured of his illness!

P.S. I am not generalizing but talking about a certain group of people. I earnestly believe that there are exceptions and I am lucky to have come across quite a few of them. Also, I am talking about men and women both. Because oppression of women cannot be carried out by men alone!