SOME FEELINGS ARE BETTER FELT THAN UNDERSTOOD

Info

August 2013

It is all very new to both of them.

The college life has just started. The campus, the seniors, the cafeteria, the fresher's parties, the little fun episodes of ragging,the flirting, the show offs, and of course the hot 'born-to-be-model' girls. Everything is leaving both of them amused.

Nisha and Rohan. Two complete strangers. Yet astonishingly similar to each other.

Nisha is from Kolkata, the city of joy. Rohan is from Mumbai ,the city of dreams.

Rohan's dad works for an MNC and had been transferred to Kolkata a couple of years back.

Both of them have taken admission in this reputed engineering college, in the same department of computer science.

Early days of college are always fun, and it isn't different for them.

They have their own groups of new friends to hangout with, but have little idea about each other. They are just classmates and hardly even knew each other.

But both of them have one thing in common. They are masters when it comes to flirting.

Nisha is a simple yet bold Bengali girl. She loves meeting new people and her wide smile never fails to attract guys. She believes in love but is not looking desperately for it. She wants to enjoy life as it comes.

Rohan on the other hand is quite good with his words. He attracts women with his charm. He is a technical geek. Coding is his passion. He believes in love but has been hurt so badly in the recent past that now he hates even the thought of it. He is looking for some short casual fun conversations with girls for the time being.

It's the beginning of the semester and neither of them has any idea what future has in store for them.

Chapter Two

September 2013

A WhatsApp group has been created for the entire 1st year students of computer science department where they can share important information and also get to know each other.

Rohan went through all the contacts of girls in that group.

He sent a "hi!" to five of them whom he found comparatively hot.

He got his replies of "hi"s and "hello"s soon.

Except one.

It is the next day evening when Nisha replied .

" Hello :)"

Rohan is a bit irritated by such an unexpectedly late reply from a girl to him. But that smiley stopped him from being rude.

" Hi !

Bohut jaldi reply ki !?"

Again there was a long gap of 10-15 minutes when she replied:

" Nhi toh!

Bolo"

Rohan can now sense that Nisha is one of those girls who r always busy showing off to people and are bursting with attitude.

So he just asked for some notes that he needed and ended the conversation as soon as possible. He was done with providing attention to such useless girls.

Chapter Three

October 2013

It's a very uncomfortably lonely Tuesday night for Rohan.

He is now sitting with three of his childhood friends.

All four of them are completely drunk.

Rohan sat on the floor and closed his eyes. He could gradually figure out a face, a simple innocent face of a girl, a girl he used to love with all he had,a girl whom he protected from the world like his own daughter, a girl who had thrown him away from her life for another guy, a girl who had made him feel helpless and had made him cry .

He opened his eyes and tears came crawling down his cheeks.

He is a strong guy.

Rubbing off those tear drops , he dragged his laptop towards himself.

He logged in his facebook chat.

He desperately wanted to talk to somebody.

He knows he is not in control of his senses right now. But still...

The green dot is indicating that Nisha is online now.

He forgot all about the previous day and sent:

"Hi"

The reply came sooner than he expected.

"Hi! :)"

Rohan typed..

" What's with these smileys of ur's ?"

":D I love decorating my texts with smileys :)",she replied.

Rohan's lips couldn't stop that little curve of smile from appearing on his face.

" Cool :P

U know...

M high !"

Rohan isn't expecting a reply to this.

" That's cool.

Just normal or some celebrations?" , she replied.

"Missing my ex-gf."

"Okay. So why don't u give her a call ?" , she replied.

"She doesn't pick up my calls. She doesn't want to keep any contact with me."

"C'mon. Call her now.",she said.

"Okay.", Rohan replied, though he knew that nothing is going to happen. He has lost all hopes now.

Still somewhere Nisha's words instilled a little hope in him.

He called her.

Not once, but he called her 3 times.

She didn't pick up.

That old feeling of heartbreak was again coming back to him.

He texted:

"She didn't answer. Anyways goodnight."

" Goodnight", she replied.

Rohan shut down his laptop and hugged his pillow and soon fell asleep. The drinks have finally taken over him completely.

But somewhere Nisha hoped that he could again talk to his ex.

Chapter Four

November 2013

The semesters are near. Study leaves have already begun. Students are busy going through their books, which ,till now had been safely kept away on the shelves.

It's 2am.

Nisha is struggling with her Math books when suddenly her phone vibrated with a message.

It's a WhatsApp text from Rohan.

"Kya kar rahi ho?"

She texted back:

"Studying :("

"Aur kitna padhogi ?", he texted.

"I don't know how I'll pass in Math :(", she replied.

"Chalo lets take a break now.", he said.

"Okay... but what shall we do ?",she replied.

"Lets play a game", he was quick in proposing this suggestion.

"What kinda game?", she was eager this time.

"It's called - 21 questions . Each of us will ask the other person 21 questions in turns and the other person has to answer them truly. The questions can be personal and if the person doesn't feel comfortable then he/she may just pass the question. ", he said.

"Hmm... seems interesting ! Okay lets play. " , she said.

"Okay. I am going first. Describe yourself in brief." , he asked.

The game begun and continued as smoothly as possible.

Then on his 12th question, Rohan asked," Are you a virgin?"

"Yes.", she said," And you?"

"Same here ", he replied.

"What has been your most intimate moment till now?", he asked.

Nisha read the text and felt a little weird. Rohan was no more than a stranger and had no right to know such personal stuffs about her life. But somewhere Nisha felt the urge to tell him. Maybe it's because she has never spoken about those deep secrets of her life to anyone. Maybe it was the effect Rohan's words were having on her. She didn't know that. Moreover she has never been so attached to her ex that she would like to preserve those memories with her forever.

A little hesitatingly she started sharing .

And in no time she blurted out more than she expected she would.

She felt herself blushing . Her cheeks were turning warm and red.

Rohan shared his part too. He gave all possible details which made her smile shyly.

He called her up.

Hearing Rohan's deep broken whispering voice made her heart skip a beat.

They talked.

They hadn't realised that it was already 5am when they finally wished goodnight to each other.

Nisha is happy. So is he.

Somewhere something is meant to happen...

Chapter Five

December 2013

The exam has just ended.

Students are rushing out of the exam halls .

Some are happy with their last exam going well ,while some hoped just to pass somehow in the paper. But all are relieved now with the long semester exams coming to an end with this.

Rohan has left his calculator in the exam hall. He was jumping up the stairs when he was just about to bump into someone.

He looked up and there his eyes caught the glimpse of her.

Her deep black eyes met his and she smiled that heart warming smile.

"How was your exam ?", she managed to ask.

"It was okay. How was yours?", did he just stammer?

He felt cautious with his words.

"It was good. ", she smiled.

"Okay. Bye ", he smiled as he said.

"Bye", she said.

They went their way a bit too hurriedly.

They were happy with the little conversation.

Chapter Six

December 2013

Semesters are over now.

A long vacation of about a month has begun.

Rohan has gone back to Bangalore with his mom and Di to spend the holidays in their home there.

Nisha is busy packing for her short trip to Vizag with her family.

Just a week is left before her trip.

It's around midnight.

Nisha is tired after all those packing in the evening and is lying on her bed.

Her phone vibrated with an incoming message.

The sender, as expected by her , is Rohan.

An unintentional smile flashed across her face.

"Kya kar rahi ho ?", he has texted.

"Nothing. Getting bored", she replied.

"Really? So how can we make the atmosphere a bit interesting ? ", he said.

Casual flirtatious conversation followed ,with frequent sarcastic teases, mixed with high level humours.

Somewhere both of them has found a strange zone of similarity when it comes to playing with words. With other people , they always have to explain their sarcasms. But when they talk to each other, things are different. They can easily make out what double meanings the other one is intending to make.

They are now too busy showing off their flirting skills to each other.

They feel comfortable.

One thing was leading to another and soon all the topics narrowed down to one.

Intimacy.

"Do you trust me?", he asked .

"Ummm... 80%", she replied.

Both of them laughed.

"You know, you are very beautiful", he said.

"You are no less charming ", she replied.

"May I kiss u?", he asked .

"Where?", she asked.

"On your forehead, your cheeks,your eyes, your nose..... and your lips", he said.

"I'll love it if you do that", she replied.

"I wanna kiss you on ur neck", he said.

They are typing fast .

They are gradually pushing off their limits . They are yearning to be more and more daring.

All this is quite new to both of them. But they refuse to show that.

At this very moment, all they want is to show off the other one how good they are in virtual seduction and sex.

They had sex. The virtual one.

They are quite pleased with their individual performances .

But little did they have the idea that what they thought of as a hot and wild sex chat has been accepted by their hearts as a passionate love making...

Chapter Seven

December 2013

It's raining heavily outside.

Nisha is sitting on her bed with her back resting on a pillow.

Her face is glowing with the light from her cell phone held in her hands.

She read the text once again.

It is from Rohan.

"I really like you . And I am comfortable with being intimate with you.", he has texted.

She replied," I feel the same Rohan."

"I can't handle a relationship now but I'll like to propose something", he said .

"What ?", she asked eagerly.

"We can stay with each other as friends with benefits.", he said.

Nisha sat still for a moment.

She has watched this Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis starred movie twice. She loved the idea of it. She is a virgin and is barely aware of the pleasures of the 'Benefits' showed in the movie. But still she loved the concept of it.

But never had she imagined of living that life herself.

Nisha is confused. She knows that the benefits won't consist of anything more than hugs and kisses, but still she is a little cautious of the situations it may create.

But the offer seemed too attractive to miss.

Afterall she is just a 19 year old college student, struggling with keeping her hormones under control.

She felt the urge to take the chance.

So she put all these thoughts aside and replied to him, "Okay. I am cool with it ."

Thus was sown the first seed of whatever was about to grow in near future...

Chapter Eight

Eve before Christmas 2013

The Howrah-Vishakhapatnam Express is scheduled to arrive at Howrah at 9pm.

Nisha is sitting on a bench in the platform with her mom.

She is in charge of looking after their heap of luggage that is lying in front of her.

In between, Nisha is happily managing to pose a little when her elder sister is turning her dslr lens towards her.

Nisha's sister Neha is 3 years older than her. She is working with a reputed MNC in Kolkata .

Nisha's phone vibrated with a message .

She took out her phone from the back pocket of her jeans.

It's a sms from the mobile company. Rohan has recharged her number with a net pack of 130Mb.

Nisha couldn't help smiling.... a bit wider than she intended to.

Before leaving her home, she had told him that she doesn't have a net balance and so won't be able to text him in WhatsApp . She will call him whenever she can.

And now her phone has been recharged with enough data package to resume the conversation .

"Now we are connected again", he texted.

"You're crazy ", she replied, smiling.

In the inside, her heart was waiting no less crazily to talk to him.

He asked and she provided with all the details - her compartment number, her berth, her weird co-passengers, the hot weather, and every other silly yet important things.

Their texts are getting exchanged without a break.

Nisha is feeling a little cautious in front of her parents. She knows that she will get a good scolding from them for her addiction to her phone. But still for the first time she felt that she will be able to manage her parents somehow and felt the urge to reply to Rohan's texts as soon as possible.

After dinner, Nisha climbed up to her berth.

There is some problem with the network now. The WhatsApp texts are not getting delivered anymore.

Nisha waited for a long time and then fell asleep.

She waited for him to come and be with her as she slept...in her dream world...just like last night.

Chapter Nine

The next day morning..

Nisha is quite bored with the monotonous journey , sitting idly in her seat.

Her Di has been been busy with her phone all the time. So chatting with her is next to impossible.

Suddenly Neha asked her," Shall I tell u something which I am not supposed to ?"

Nisha was confused by her sudden question.

" Yeah, sure.", she said.

"Rohan had texted me last night while you were asleep.", Neha said.

WHAT !!????

How did Rohan get Neha's number?

What did he say to her?

Did he tell her about their 'friends with benefits' deal?

Nisha couldn't possibly help thinking about how bad a guy Rohan is and what big a mistake she has done by opening herself up to him.

"What did he say?", apprehension was clear in her voice.

"He asked me for a help. He wanted to make your Christmas special. He wanted to gift you a teddy and chocolates. He had planned to send it to the hotel where we will be staying. But I told him not to. Our parents will get to know everything if he does so. So he asked me to buy you the same and give those to you as your Christmas presents. He told me to keep it as a surprise for you. And he doesn't want you to know that it was his plan.",Neha said.

Nisha is totally speechless right now. She just can't control her heart beating so shamefully fast with the splash of happiness it has received just now. It's not the fault of the poor heart after all. It's the guy who makes it so crazily happy sometimes that it starts jumping and dancing inside the bony rib cage .

Nisha had mentioned sometime during her conversation with Rohan, that she still loves getting Christmas presents from her parents every year. She knows that Santa doesn't exist in real. But still she wants the gifts. It's like an intentional commitment of a sin. She is addicted to the conventional joy of getting up early in the morning and searching for the presents below her pillow and inside her socks. The cost or size of the presents doesn't matter to her. It's just the joy.

But she was very sad that this year it won't happen. They will be in the train both on 24th and 25th.

She was feeling very low when she said all these to him.

But right now, what she is feeling inside, can't be compared with all those gifts. It's a feeling of immense joy . She is feeling special. She is feeling loved and cared for.

She wanted to run to him and hug him tightly . But she is cautious . He had wanted it to be a secret , he didn't want her to know about this plan. So she somehow stopped herself from texting him.

Everything good is happening to her.

And she just can't sweep away this crazily stupid and adorable guy named Rohan from her mind . It seems that he is secretly reserving a special place for himself in Nisha's heart.

Chapter Ten

January 2014

The trip was a much needed refreshment for Nisha.

She had enjoyed to the fullest .

Now it's time for the college to reopen.

Just a couple of weeks are left .

Ever since the trip had started, Nisha and Rohan had constantly been talking to each other -either through texts or through phone calls.

They have shared almost every secrets and habits and dreams with each other.

Nowadays they hardly open the texts from the other people. They come online just to reply to each other. Even their WhatsApp statuses are gradually moulding themselves, based on things happening between just the two of them.

Both of them are happy and content.

Though everything is happening to them in the virtual world, - the world where people hardly get to know the actual emotions of the other people , where it is hard to trust people, where every other thing is fake, Nisha and Rohan have built their own little world where all these rules doesn't apply. They can understand when the other person is feeling low. They trust each other. They don't fake . When you find that the other person is just like you- the real you-then you don't need to fake in front of them.

Rohan will return to Kolkata at the end of this week only.

Nisha is eagerly waiting for him to come back.

It's 10.30pm.

Nisha has just completed her dinner and has come to her room.

She quickly picked up her phone from her bed to check if there is any text from him.

Yes. There is.

She opened it.

It reads- " I love you"

They have said these three words a couple of times before, when they had been sexting each other.

So she thought it is just one of those. The casual 'not to be meant' ones.

But somewhere her heart was hoping 'it' to be not that casual this time.

"Just like that wala love ya love wala love?", she thought of herself as an idiot after sending this.

Why on earth did she say that?

What was she thinking?

Rohan must be thinking that she is just like one of those desperate clingy girls who can't even manage a 'friends with benefits' deal properly, and is yearning to be his girlfriend.

The phone beeped.

"Love wala love", he has replied.

Nisha doesn't know what to think , leave alone replying.

Rohan has just proposed to her.

Her shameless heart has again started one of it's crazy dances. Why can't it just beat normally!? The job that is meant for it to do?

"But aren't you afraid of relationships?", she asked.

"Yeah ,I am. But I wanna give it a try with you. ", he replied.

"Okay", she said.

She doesn't know what else to say.

A " I love you too" text will be a little weird right now because his "I love you" had been sent to her 4 to 5 texts earlier.

She knows her mind is not working the right way now.

"How much do you trust me Nisha?", he asked.