A story without an end...

She felt a sharp pang of disgust at herself. Why did it have to be her, anyway? So many girls around him, and he chose her. She loathed herself too. Out of all the boys she had crushes on, she fell in love with him alone. Strange . Isn’t it? She loved him, and he loved her. Seemed perfect. Then where was the hitch?

The tale stretches backwards a little. She had a best friend too, Ana. Ana loved a guy. Their chemistry was different, and endearingly beautiful with its eccentric charm. It was a relationship save the acceptance of love. Ana had confessed her feelings to him. But he, he thought it best to keep mum till the clouds of uncertainty cleared once and for all. But that didn’t deter them from behaving like a totally nuts, lovey dovey couple. Long chats, bike rides, sneak-a-peek dates, stolen glances, silent conversations, bear hugs, passionate kisses, surprise gifts, unknown jealousy, all were totally their things. How she had always admired what Ana had! Sometimes, she craved for all of it. Sometimes, she would mockingly loathe Ana. Or maybe she meant it. Ana believed the former. She loved her best friend more than any nonsense shit to make her believe her best friend could ever think less than the best for her. And her guy, the epicenter of all the feelings that gushed inside her, be it love or hatred or anger or jealousy.

She had known him since Ana had fallen for him. You know, the best friend’s ritual of telling each other about crushes and flings and every damn detail! She ridiculed the incompleteness in her life. The thrill that Ana had was missing. And the guy, he seemed desirous. But he was Ana’s. She was more than happy to see Ana so happy with him. The three of them would often hang out. Ana’s guy and her she totally hit it off, and she could not be happier. It was more like three best friends when they were together.

“Ana! I am in love!”, she squealed one day, hugging Ana so hard that her ribs almost cracked.

“Wooooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwww”, Ana could not contain her excitement. “Who is he?”, she winked.

“Laters, baby!” ,she replied.

“Not fair! Why would you hide it from me?”, Ana retorted.

“No! Now is not the time. Please!” she placed a peck on Ana’s cheek.

“Fine!”, Ana rolled her eyes. Deep down, she didn’t care who the guy was, as long as he made her best friend happy.

She returned to the reality. Ana was no more her best friend. They hadn’t talked in three years, let alone meet. Was it me? She wonders guiltily sometimes. No, it wasn’t me. It was love. In this way, she steers herself clear of all the accusations that Ana had put onto her. Ana had never had an actual relationship with him. And if it wasn’t fair, it didn’t seem grossly unfair too if her guy fell in love with me. Yes, I loved him too. What would have Ana felt? She struggles to perceive sometimes. I lost my best friend just as Ana did. But she lost her love too. Is her pain greater than mine? She stares blankly at the wall. No, he never loved Ana. He loves me. They would have never been happy with each other. She lets out a sigh. Is the guy in her life anymore? No. She drew him away. She kept falling for other men, and keeping her relationships with them a privy to him. Was it infatuation with him too? Did she steal her best friend’s guy? Was it lust disguised under the skins of love? She sits down with a thud. Why can’t she be sure of her feelings? Why can’t she love him just as much as he does? Won’t it make Ana happy to know that they lived happily ever after? Ana would be the happiest, she knows. Ana let them go. Ana never came in their way. She never will. She fights hard with herself, trying to untangle her emotions. Trying to discover her true self. Will she always remain this unsatisfied? Will she fool around enticed to different men at different times. How many people has she hurt, how many will she hurt? She wonders it all till sleep embraces her gloomy eyes…