It was one of the few times when we decided to take a jeepney and enjoy commuting. I was the one who presented the idea because being in my country again makes me do all the things that I used to do. I was totally excited doing the things that we planned because it's like being transported to my youth. I really tend to hold on to things, to memories, especially the days when I was just a teen, because it was where I feel the happiest. The jeepney has only few passengers and I loved the vibe because the driver plays good songs and the passengers have a very light aura. I then think back to all the good times I had, riding a public utility jeepney. Then as it slows down to a nearby loading area, I saw the most prominent part of my youth. He was at the stop standing, wearing cargo shorts, boaters, white shirt and his favorite ballcap. My breath hitched as I took the image of him, so casual and so handsome as he stands there under sun waiting for a ride. And my mind flew to all the times we spent together. Riding a jeep, walking the city streets and going to places that serves good food, oblivious on what may happen in the future. I went back to memory lane where both of us were innocent and free from the blinding sad reality of life. To when we both think that love could conquer it all, that we could do everything as long as we are together. That was then I realized that it never changed. It never went away. It's still here, loudly thumping, like it was alive for the first time. Like a bird finally tasting freedom. The feeling rushed through me, and I can feel it like tingling nerves, lighting me up. For a second, I let myself hope and dream again. For a second, I let myself feel happiness.
That's why it took me a few more moments to realize that he's with someone. Not just someone. A girl and he's holding her hand. They went inside the jeepney and as he passed me by, and as I caught his scent, I held my breath. It's still the same cologne. The smell awaken every forgotten memory and it isn't just butterflies, it's a whole damn zoo. And as they sat together in the farthest part of the jeep, I nudged my friends to climb out of the jeep. I got out first and they followed me with confused faces.
"What happened?"
"Nothing. I thought you might want to try the foods here."
And as they believe a lie, I finally became honest with myself. I finally accepted that the kind of love that I have for him, isn't just something that fades with time. It maybe something that ends with life, and it scared the hell out of me.