#SuicideMission as it is

I'm sorry to bother you for my title but it's just what reflects what I'm going through and what he also going through too.  "Too", but we were not the same reasons of what #Suicidemission it is.  He gives it so exaggerated meaning. He is into sports, yeah he's a runner. From 5K to 21K and he's planning to make it to 42K. He also desires to have 12 medal this year for 21K. That's what he gives it an suicide mission impression to it with a hashtag. Now, for me what does it mean? It is too far from his meaning. It simply as this, I'm playing with a fire with him touching it until I die.

I shouldn't act this way to him. I'm just a nobody. Just a fuck buddy as they say. But when it comes to him, I think that everything is okay and for him we were having fun. Hence, I keep myself as crazy as him having this "good time". I don't know when will I stay to him in this situation that I feel that I am falling in love to him.

Actually, I know how this will end. </3