She looked out of the window, seems like monsoon was approaching. She smiled as the air hushed through her hair, she loved this feeling. It reminded her of college days when she used to sit on the porch eating an ice-cream, allowing the monsoon winds to whisper sweet nothings in her luscious locks.
Sitting there she liked to watch the love of her life playing a losing football match. "Cute!!" she thought when he showed a middle finger to the opposing team. They had been dating for over two years now.
Her friends often told her "He is a good catch. Hold onto him!!"
"Huh!!Without a doubt" she said.
Little did she know back then that the guy she loved will not be the guy she marries. Or did she know all along but procrastinated things because she had so much love to give to him.
She was not a slut...nor was she using him...she really did love him!!
Maybe love was not enough!!
She knew one day she will have to choose between love and life. And she knew she will choose life. But right now she was in love with this guy with the messy hair. She is in love with how he looks at her. She is in love with how he rolls the long noodle for her. Right now she wants him to stay. So that she can weave a dream with him and keep it in her heart forever.
She had heard stories before. Young love striving in the hard world and blooming with every hurdle it crossed. Love that sustained the nuisance of the society. Love that started with a love note in high school and ended only when the last oxygen molecule escaped their system. Love that eloped because it could not convince the society that caste and creed are just on paper. Love that illustrated its perfect definition of selflessness.
But she could never be the protagonist of any such inspirational stories. She was not that person. She was not that brave. And yes to an extent she was selfish!!
And there is nothing wrong in being selfish. There is nothing wrong to keep one's happiness before anything in this world. Aren't we alone responsible for our happiness??
The doorbell rang; she came back to the real world with a jerk. She looked at the watch "Almost time!!"
She ran to the door while the husband waited playing with the neighbor's dog. He smiled as she opened the door and kissed her forehead "What took you so long!?!". The husband too is a charming man, with a crooked smile most girls die for. He loves her too. But it's not the same with him. He doesn't make her world spin.
But this was her choice. She chose the rich guy. She chose the guy who will be approved by her entire family. She chose a better life for herself.And she does not regret it.
She knew she could not adjust with life. She never knew what it was to be middle class or what it was to drive a car that was not a SUV. Isn't life a one-time thing?? How could she choose not-to-be-happy in a one-time thing??
She had promised to love which she did with her whole heart. And a part of her still does that..
Love is infinite after all.
Why does everybody judge her?
She chose a life of happiness...Don't we all want our life to be good??
Yes she is educated, she could work and build an empire for herself. But she was not that strong headed woman. She was a chirpy girl who wanted a simple joyful life. Luxury was a necessity for her.
She is not guilty. She just chose a better life foe herself. She chose to love and not settle in love.
It broke her heart the day they last spoke. She locked herself up and cried all through the nights...Endless sleepless nights...She could not tell what day it was...it was not an easy path but she knew it was the right one...
There were times she left home to breathe a little, but as soon as she got to the gate she came back. She came back to cry..
How could she forget him if the first thought that came in her mind was "I will not think about him today"
"Hold yourself woman" she told herself again and again when she felt like melting in his arms.
It was not easy for her but she sustained. She controlled every freaking desire of calling him up and telling him how much she loved him. "Alas!!" the words which made so much sense a day before seemed so small now...So distant...So hollow...
She knew even though it was a perfect love story it would never have been a "happily ever after".
Isn't it better sometimes to have a perfect incomplete story rather than having a sad end??
Isn't it better sometimes to keep the perfects untouched??
Isn't it better sometimes to make the perfects an untainted memory that you can visit once in a while??
She still thinks of him as a wonderful dream!!
She thinks of him when she curls her front hair. He loved to put it behind her ears.
She still thinks of him when she wants someone to look at her the way he did. That dreamy look...!!
She still misses him when she can't roll her noodle.
She misses the girl in her who was once her girlfriend!!
She promised to love. And she continues to do that till today. Love is infinite after all...!!