That evening:
I went to the beach that was just a few blocks away from my apartment. The beach sand under my feet felt like heaven. The breeze touching my tanned skin, the setting sun giving off the last rays of light,the sky showing off it's beauty in almost every color possible. Everything was drawing me into my past,to you and at the same time to my future. I thought about a lot of things and...
At the end,I made up my mind to give up on life when the tides stop to rise any one time after they fall and when the apoplectic sea becomes serene,
And with a beaming smile on my face, I was thinking of getting up and going back to the apartment and treat myself with generous food,
Before I could make a move something happened,
And the next thing I sensed is,,
•I was struggling, struggling to breath
•Everything around me seemed transparent, yet I couldn't figure out what it was,
•It felt like a labyrinth with no boundaries and no matter where I go I end up stuck inside
•It felt like I am tied up and some heavyweight is pulling me down
•I shout my heart out and nobody in this universe was willing to hear me
•It felt like a hole's been punched through my chest
•The light slightly fading away and there's nothing but darkness everywhere
•I didn't understand what was happening
•Something was taking me away
Then everything went to blackest black
Then when I opened my eyes before I could recognize my surroundings,before I processed things
I recognized something else near me , something familiar, really familiar. I screamed like hell..... .I found a dead body lying just next to me and
It was mine. I was dead this whole time.
Before few hours:
I sat on the beach wishing to get things off my mind and to get better,
I felt tired and tired and tired of waiting
•Waiting for something that's never coming back,
•Waiting for someone who's never returning,
•Waiting for things to change,
•Waiting for the universe to pity me,
•Waiting for everything to be normal,
•Waiting to get rid of this throbbing pain,
•Waiting for the things to get better,
•Waiting for a happy family,
•Waiting to become me,the old me who's been buried deep,but still,alive inside the memories of my hippocampus,
•Waiting to dream without fearing that it will just be a dream when I wake up and it's never going to be true,
•Waiting for a single chance to help myself up and out of this lie I'm living in,
By staring at the waves for a long time I realized something, that, I gave up on myself for something so unreasonable,so stupid.
I forgot,
All the good things I did in my past,
All the truimphs I achieved,
All the wonderful people I have in my life,
All the things I had to complete
I forgot my destiny and my beliefs and my strengths. Everything
I realized that,
Just because I lost you doesn't mean I should lose myself too, and then....I made up my mind to give up on life when the tides stop to rise any one time after they fall and when the apoplectic sea becomes serene,
I was just about to get up and get back to my apartment with a scintillating smile on my face.....
Then something hit my head hard and the blood flowing down because of it's utter inability to defy gravity just the way I couldn't defy yours,
I lost my consciousness. The next thing I remember is you, you tying a rope to my legs and hands and to a stone and throwing me off into the sea and leaving me to become a part of the ocean.
Now I know what I am being surrounded by.
Water
-
-
-
-
I was sweating profusely,
my breath was hitching,
And....
Finally,I woke up all of a sudden from the dream I was dreaming for a long time now- thanking God that it was just a dream, completely moving on in life from the Nightmare - You.