The person whom I adored

These day I really question myself and the decisions i made. Its not very new.I have perhaps questioned myself more than I should. I do doubt myself.

Especially because of a person whom i adored and respected.

Why it is that people do not realize that the people who raised you will always want what is good for you.And when he disrespected them,I lost each and every ounce of respect I had for him.Just because you have grown up and have all the freedom you can have does never mean you start to shout and argue with you guardians.

I really have always wanted to be like him,I have always looked up to him and wanted to be like him.Yet i lost all the respect I had for him in a matter of few minutes or rather seconds.

I am such a mess right now just because of him.I doubt myself more because of him.I doubt every decision and I it had been so hard and difficult to overcome this very feeling.In fact I had just gotten over this self doubting thing. I feel so very stupid and disgusted that i ever wanted to be the person he has become.I so desperately not want to be the person he is right now.

The most disgusting thing about this whole situation is that I still had a tiny bit of respect for him that I am not able to direct all this anger towards him.I am so messed up in my mind right now.

I just don't know what to do.This person had been my hero and ended up been the most disgusting person.

Just cannot get over this. I am terrified.It feels like all of the people just want to push me down.Every step I take forward there is someone who pushes me 10 steps down and I don't know what to do.