The Precipice of Love

"Long drive, could end up in burning flames or paradise. Fade into view, Oh, it's been a while since I've heard from you..." Playing in the car radio is a carefree jam that blended the summertime. By the rear view mirror reflected a long stretch of highway I drove through while the sun overhead was a giant spotlight neutered by the ocean breeze. A few minutes later I stopped by a cliff where a man of my age stood motionless facing the late afternoon shore.

I was completely aware of his presence and he shot me a strange look. On my peripheral, I noticed how long he held his gaze as if he was scanning every bit of shadiness of the person beside him. To ease the amount of awkwardness fuming the air, I opened a conversation.

"Hey there." I quipped.

He didn't say anything; he didn't hear me. He was silent as the sea. 

"Oh uhm... how are you?" I asked.

He was almost a silhouette in the setting sky. I could hardly outline his masculine features.

"Oh, I'm fine. I'm glad you came." He said softly. "Thought it would be great to have some company."

I could barely hear him because a grey SUV honked loudly. The driver probably thought I was gonna jump off the cliff. 

---
It's 2016. Only a week left before seniors would throw their graduation caps like a grand celebration after a long-fought war.

Down the hallway came running Clyde with his messy morning hair and planted a kiss on my cheeks. I watched two passing juniors giving us the stink eye before I rolled my eyes on them.

Clyde and I eventually retreated to our classroom when we saw Mrs. Mendez - our homeroom teacher - heading towards us. From afar, I could see how strange she was narrowing her gaze to me. The bell rang and she Mrs. Mendez tramped her way to the front like a celebrity on a red carpet. The boys in the class murmured discreetly. My ear heard the words "hot" and "fuck". God knows what these boys are thinking.

I even caught Clyde once staring intently at her and had no choice but to give him my look of doom. Blame it to Mrs. Mendez's statuesque figure because she certainly doesn't look like her age. How come she's not married? I heard some male teachers tried to court her but to no avail.

Radiating with optimism, Mrs. Mendez stood in front to announce that we all passed.

"Class, it is with deep honor to announce that none of you failed. Nobody is retained which means everyone can graduate."

The whole class made a resounding, "Yes" or "Whoo". I smiled at Clyde and mouthed, "Congrats!" He did the same but he added a melting sexy wink. How cute.

"Okay, class. If I may intervene with your celebration, tomorrow we'll start our graduation practice." She exclaimed. "It's a half day so I expect you to be there early. Now, you can do whatever you want." Mrs. Mendez added.

When the whole day wrapped up, Clyde decided to drive me home. On our way, we already planned about our summer getaway. Oh did I tell you that next week we're turning six years already? Yes we are! Started as sprouts in seventh grade, now we are blossoming.

"How about we go out of town?" Clyde suggested.
"Well, yeah. That's a common but good idea. However, where exactly, Clyde?" I replied.
"Hmmmm."

His thinking, I suppose, was getting deeper like the night.

"Oh wait! I know a place. You remember my Grandma Chan, right?" He asked.
"Yeah, why?"
"She lives north, three hours from here. How about we stay a couple of days there or weeks, maybe. Then I'll tour you around." Clyde quipped.
"Sounds great. I'm in." I told him.
"Did I mention that Grandma Chan was dying to meet you?" He said.
"You didn't and I couldn't be more excited." I expressed.

Clyde dropped me directly in front of my suburban house.

"Bye, Clyde. See ya!" I told him.
"See you sooner, Cass." He winked.

His engine rumbled and off he disappeared into the streets by the toxic fumes his car gave off. I treaded my way inside our house.

"I'm home." I said gleefully.
"Who was that?" My mom asked me.
"Who was who?" I replied.
"The one you're talking to?" She was interrogating.
"Oh that was Clyde. He dropped me off." I explained.
"Hmmm, I see." Mom doubtful. "Dinner's ready and oh honey, don't forget your medications." She added.

I sighed.

That night I had a really terrible dream. One that was too real to be a dream. It had explosions in it. Crash. Death.

"I'll be back." A voice muttered before mom snapped me awake.

The morning after I didn't see Clyde in the practice which made me wonder. I tried to contact him but he wouldn't answer. I sent him a message instead. A few minutes later he replied:

"Sorry couldn't go today, Cass. Had a small accident. See you tomorrow instead. Xoxo."

I guess I'll see him tomorrow then. So I sent him another message:

"Oh, Clyde. What happened? Take some rest, will you? ilysb."

He didn't reply after that. I didn't hear from him since. Just kidding, I actually saw him on the graduation practice the next day and had an argument with him about his 'small' accident.

"Clyde, that is definitely not a small accident! " I clarified. "You didn't even reply to my text. I was so worried, Clyde! "

When I raised my voice, people surrounding us raised their ears too.

"Keep your voice down, Cass. You're attracting people. After all, It's just a small scratch. The doctor said it will heal just in time for graduation." Clyde replied.
"Hmmm."
"Come on, Cass. I don't want you worrying around. I need you to be strong as I am. You, we, can do this. " He backed up.
"Okay." I was convinced.

When graduation day came, I was stoked to see Clyde especially when the day after is our sixth year. Tensing from within was the hype of our summer getaway.

I glammed up in front of the mirror - curled my lashes and drawed my eyebrows. I applied a bit of makeup and some blush-on. I was not really much of a makeup woman. I don't even know if I'm doing it the right way but whatever. 

Unfortunately I see no a trace of Clyde during graduation which led me a string of questions. Not even his parents were there.

Did Mrs. Mendez lie to us about how no one failed? Did he betray me? Where is Clyde?

These were the questions that I want answers to. I felt a lump in my throat and a rain brewing in my eyes.

What about us?

I drove the way home with my mom. I was sad, I admit. I mean who doesnt get sad when someone you've grown to love left you with no answers? On the couch I sat and asked my mom about Clyde who was about to head upstairs.

"Mom, have you seen Clyde? I can't seem to find his parents either earlier."
"Uh no, honey and I don't think they're gonna make it here." She sighed.
"Why would you say that?" There was a raise in my tone.
"Because Cassidy, he's not here. He left." She was keeping her nerves calm.
"When? Wha- why? Ho- how?" I was shaking in confusion.
"Cassidy you're asking the wrong question. It should be a 'why'." She instructed.
"Why did he left?" I followed.
"He died". She paused and added, "a long time ago."

The next thing I knew I was unconscious and everything was pitch black.
---

It's 2015, 26th of March. Tomorrow's gonna be our fifth year and we decided to spend it here at home since mom's out of town. School's over a week ago and Clyde went to pay a visit his Grandma Chan three days ago. He said he'll be heading back here in our small town tomorrow morning.

That night, I called him.

"Hey, what's up?" Before I could ever let any word escape my mouth, he asked.
"Oh, I'm just checking up on you. I just wanted you to know how stoked I am for tomorrow. In fact, I can't sleep." I shared my sentiment.
"Yeah, me too. Meanwhile I'll pack my things tonight because I'm gonna be early tomorrow." He said.
"Okay, see you. Good night. " I trailed off.
"I'll be back." His last words before he hung up.

27 March 15. The whole morning I waited for him. I even dialed his number but there was no sign of answer. So I spent my whole afternoon alone in the living room, watching television. Suddenly the breaking news came in between the commercials.

"A man by the name Clyde Thompson is found dead earlier this morning at... highway 14... police reports say..."

I was a statue in the couch. Lifeless. I stiffened.
--- 

I snapped out of my unconsciousness.

"But I've been seeing him." I said.
"Honey, you've been diagnosed with schizophrenia on the months that came after his passing. You had to go through therapy the entire summer and the doctor prescribed you to take and maintain medications." She elaborated.

I was stunned for a moment.

"Sss- so he's all in my head?" I asked.
"Yes." She sounded almost inaudible. "When your father died, I didn't fall in love with another man because he never really left. I still feel him sometimes. Our love didn't die even if it cost his life. I always stay in love with him." Her hazel eyes were watery. "Now go take some rest, Cass." She suggested.

I am unwell. 
Yes, it's true that I fell in love with someone and that he died last year in an accident. 
He is alive in the air with me. 
He often visits me.
He appears in my dreams and other manifestations.
If loving is a crime, I'd be serving forever.

---

A T. Swift song is blasting on the car radio, "And when we go crashing down, we come back every time..." I am heading north from my town. I stopped by a steep cliff with a road sign that says the area was prone to accident. There stood a man of my age, facing the open sea. 

"Oh, I'm fine. I'm glad you came." He said softly. "Thought it would be great to have some company." added the man.

A driver inside his grey SUV honked loudly; he probably thought I was gonna jump into the sea. The man jumped off the cliff.

I was alone in the cliff.
But I am well.
I lost someone in an accident.
But he often visits me.
This year I visit him.

It's 27 March 17 on my phone and I am on Highway 14.

"I will never forget you." I whispered around the air.